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As We Forgive Those

By Pamela Harstad

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Ava Fraser never anticipated the sharp turn in her life. Living alone in the house made it all the more real.
With the hibiscus bushes trimmed, she hung the hedge clippers in the backyard shed and glanced at her beautiful, two-story home. The house wouldn’t change, but life would.
Moisture from the grass clung to the sides of her sandals as she walked across the yard. She headed inside before the day’s heat and humidity crept over the Fort Lauderdale coast. A few tasks in the house would keep her busy until her attorney’s office opened.
As she closed the kitchen door behind her, a clatter rang out. She jerked and turned toward the noise. It might’ve come from the garage. Did she leave the garage door open last night? Maybe something fell, or a squirrel found its way in.
A heavy thud made her imagination race as fast as her pulse. What if someone tried to break in?
Her body rigid, Ava grabbed the key ring with the pepper spray attached and tiptoed into the living room. A quick peek out the window from behind the curtains revealed no one or nothing unusual.
A metallic clang echoed from the same area. She gasped. Ava headed out the front door along the sidewalk toward the neighbor’s house when she spotted Jeremy’s black SUV and the side door of the garage open.
She huffed out a breath, walked toward the garage, and pushed the garage door opener on her key ring. The door rose with a low hum and revealed Jeremy loading items into a box.
“Jeremy. You scared me. I didn’t know you were here.”
He picked up a fallen wrench from the floor and tossed his head so his blond hair fell into place. His icy-blue eyes bored into her. “Why would you? It’s my house. I don’t need your permission to pick something up.”
“I didn’t say you did. The racket you made startled me.” Her palm hurt. She’d squeezed the key ring into it. “How are the girls?”
“How do you think? Hanna hates you and Lily needs more therapy from the car accident you caused. Hopefully the kid will be able to function during part of our vacation.”
Heat blazed through her and she trembled. “You know full well the man ran a red light and hit the passenger side of my car.”
He cocked his head to one side. “Maybe you were driving too fast through the intersection to notice his car. Ever think of that?”
“I considered everything. The police determined I wasn’t speeding or at fault, so forget it.” She couldn’t let him get to her. “I’ll leave you to gather what you want from the garage.”
He raised an eyebrow. “How nice of you to allow me this opportunity.”
What made him such a hateful person? She shook her head and turned to leave.
“Not so fast.”
Ava glared at him. “I’m tired of this. What do you want, Jeremy?”
He balled his fists and planted them on his hips. “I don’t want anything from you.”
She’d known the fact for a long time. The words spat out of her mouth. “What, then? Either you want something or you don’t.”
“I’m giving you notice.”
She scowled at him. “Notice?”
His voice intensified. “Yeah, that’s what I said, didn’t I?”
Did she have to drag it out of him? Ava walked toward the garage door that led to the kitchen. “For what? Say it or I’m going inside.”
“You better be looking for some new digs real soon.”
She opened the door and stared at him. “This is ridiculous. I’ll speak to my attorney.”
His voice raged. “Go ahead and talk to him. Your choice. This house is in my name and it belongs to me. I considered whether to give you a heads up on a few other issues before the divorce, but now I won’t. Guess you’d rather hear them through your attorney and not from me. Fine. You can be surprised. I don’t care.”
Adrenaline surged through her body. She slammed the door, ran upstairs to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed.
Jeremy embellished a lot, but she wouldn’t discount his words. Not only would she need to adjust to single life now, Jeremy also used their assets to threaten her.
The attorney’s office couldn’t open soon enough for her. She grabbed the pillow and pulled it closer around the spasm in her neck to no avail.
A talk with her lawyer might help relieve some of her anxiety, especially concerning Jeremy’s new threat. She’d know where she stood, like it or not.
Fifteen minutes later she returned to the kitchen, poured the last of the coffee and ate a cup of yogurt. A glance at the wall clock indicated the offices should open in ten minutes.
The cell phone played a tune and brought a smile to her face. The ringtone from her half-sister, Sara.
“What a nice surprise, Sara. I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon. How are you?”
“Great. Venice is wonderful, but I’m getting fat. The pregnancy’s going well and the food is fantastic. And you?”
Ava’s voice lowered. “All right. Ready for the divorce.”
“It must be awful for you. Have you heard anything more?”
“No, I’ll phone my attorney soon. Jeremy’s got something brewing with the properties, I think. If it’s the condo he wants, that’s fine with me since I understand he kept his women there.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No need. At first, I blamed myself for not being enough for Jeremy and later I let it pass to keep our home together for the girls. But he's chosen this life, so I’ve accepted it. We’ll be divorced soon.”
“I’m hoping for the best for you and the girls. I’m here whenever you need me.”
“Thank heavens. Don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ve depended on your support during more than one crisis.”
“You’ve experienced some tough ones and hung in there. I can hardly wait to see you. Bring plenty of resort wear. Mark’s friend and business partner has offered to take us for a day cruise on his boat. He’s also organized some sightseeing, since it’s our first trip to Italy.”
Ava clicked her nails on the ceramic mug. “Sounds like a nice vacation for you two. I wouldn’t feel comfortable tagging along, however.”
“But you’ve planned for this trip and the good Lord knows you could use a bit of fun. It will help get your mind off your problems.”
A sigh escaped her. No denying it, Ava could use some relaxation and happiness, but now wasn’t the time. Should she tell Sara? “I’m not sure if I should come at all.”
Sara’s pitch increased. “But why, when you’ve purchased the airline tickets, have a place to stay, and the girls are with Jeremy for a trip?”
“The divorce will be final right before I leave for this vacation. I don’t think it would look appropriate to the girls.” Ava gulped, and tried to put some resolve in her voice. “Hanna’s already mad at me over the split and Lily’s in therapy for her leg from the car accident.” She paused when her voice faltered. “And I don’t know what I’ll do with my life now.”
“Oh, Ava, don’t carry your troubles alone or worry what everyone else thinks. Your girls love you and your future will become clear in time, I promise.”
Spending time with Sara did sound great. Ava rose and poured the rest of the coffee from her mug into the sink. “Right now I need to keep busy until the divorce is settled. I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Wonderful. I’ll talk with you soon.”
Silence ensued once again in the huge house, where everyone’s personal possessions no longer messed up the rooms.
She made the call to her lawyer’s office. “This is Ava Fraser. I’d like to speak with Mr. Collins, please.”
“Hello, Mrs. Fraser. I’m Mr. Collins’ personal assistant. He instructed me to tell you he’s currently in a business meeting with an attorney from Fraser and Atkins, and he’ll call you later.”
Jeremy’s firm. “Thank you.” Ava hung up and stared straight ahead without blinking. While Jeremy worked as a high-powered divorce attorney, Atkins handled the divorce. A tremor of unease made her shiver. They’d make headway in the meeting. She’d hear something soon.
Three hours later, with no answer from her lawyer yet, Ava walked into the clinic’s physical therapy department around the time her daughter, Lily, would finish her treatment. She took a seat on a waiting room chair, crossed her legs and folded her hands.
Several patients entered, some with walkers and a few wore leg braces, while others left with their arms in slings and one in a wheel chair. Those people made her thankful Lily’s condition would improve, but her progress crept along.
The therapy room door opened again to the beautiful face Ava adored and made life worth living. “Hi Lily. You’re on crutches now.”
Her thirteen-year-old glanced down at a crutch and raised it toward her mother. “I’m doing great, Mom.”
She rose, embraced her daughter and smoothed Lily’s blond, curly bangs over her forehead. “I’m so proud. You’ve worked hard and it shows. Let’s sit and visit for a little while before you call for your father’s car to pick you up.”
The girl nodded and Ava leaned the crutches against the wall behind her chair. “I miss you girls. Tell me everything, how you’re doing and about Hanna.”
“I’m all right Mom, but I miss you. And I know Hanna does, too, but she doesn’t say much.”
“I’m sorry about everything.” She squeezed her daughter’s hand and a little of her died inside. “I love you so much and Hanna, too. Please tell her for me.” Hanna hadn’t returned her calls. “I think things should be settled soon. I don’t want you to worry.”
Lily tipped her head and faced her mother with those questioning blue eyes. “But who will we live with and where, with you and Dad in separate places?”
“Your father and I want the best for you girls. We agreed on joint custody so we can each spend time with you.” She swallowed. “I don’t have all the answers yet. I do know it’ll all be decided soon, but I would think you would return home to the house for most of the time.”
Lily stared at the wall a moment. “Dad said we could stay at our new school. They have dormitories for the kids to stay in.”
Ava bolted upright. Why would Jeremy suggest such a thing? Didn’t the girls have enough to deal with? If he didn’t want to keep the girls quite as often, they’d stay with her. Another reason to take charge of her life. Her cheeks grew hot. “Don’t worry. Maybe he meant the school had options to stay there, since some of the kids come from far away.”
“He didn’t say anything about other kids. He talked about Hanna and me staying there.”
Acid churned its way into her throat. No wonder Lily worried about where they’d live. “I’ll be glad to have you stay with me anytime if it’s not convenient for your father to keep you at his home. Do you girls want to go to the school as much as before?”
“We’re all signed up and everything, Mom.”
“Okay, then. Let me know if you change your mind.”
Lily glanced at her watch.
“Go ahead and call for the car, honey.”
Her daughter phoned for her ride, while Ava pulled out her cell to check for messages. She’d turned the phone off so as not to disturb her time with Lily, or have the girl wonder about a call, especially one from the attorney. And there she spied it, a phone message from the law office.
They left the reception area, paced along the tile hallway through the exit door and found a wooden bench in the shade. The heat and humidity blanketed the Florida afternoon, but Ava didn’t mind as long as she sat with Lily.
She turned and faced her daughter. “I’m impressed with how well you’re coming along. It’ll be a lot better for you on your trip.”
“Yeah, I wondered if I would get to do much. I don’t want to slow Dad and Hanna down.”
Her heart ached for her child, so concerned about everyone else. “You’ll be fine. The most important thing is to enjoy yourself. Promise?”
“Okay, Mom.”
The black sedan pulled up. Ava hugged her daughter close. “Have a good trip, honey. I love you.”
“Love you, too.” Lily rose and made her way into the car with the driver’s assistance. She turned and waved as they drove away.
Ava blew a kiss to her smiling child and waved back until the car disappeared in the distance.
Tears welled in Ava’s eyes and she dabbed at them with a tissue. She wanted to protect her girls from the effects of the divorce, but she couldn’t curb this dreadful situation.
With the phone to her ear, she listened to the message. “Mrs. Fraser, Jordan Collins here. If possible, I’d like to meet with you today at one o’clock. Let the secretary or my assistant know if this works for you.”
Stifling heat bore down on her as she raced through the parking lot, entered her car and let the office know she would attend the meeting. Ava darted across town through the Fort Lauderdale traffic. If she got there early, great. All the more opportunity to compose herself and consider questions, since the meeting could prove difficult.
After she checked in at the reception desk, she took a seat in the corner chair and waited.
Would more surprising revelations from Jeremy shock her? The comment Lily made about staying at the boarding school alarmed her. How much more could she and the girls handle? She grabbed a tissue from her purse, patted her sweaty palms and balled it in her fist.
Five minutes passed according to her watch. She drew in a deep breath and glanced down at the shredded tissue in her hand. When did she destroy it?
Mr. Collins’ assistant held the office door open. “Mr. Collins will see you now, Mrs. Fraser.”
Ava rose. “Thank you.”
As Ava stepped into the office, the assistant left the area.
Jordan Collins extended his arm. “Come in and have a seat, Mrs. Fraser.”
Mrs. Fraser. Not for long. “Thank you.”
Seated at his desk, Mr. Collins, a middle-aged man with thinning hair wore a black suit and red tie. She shook his hand and sat in a leather chair across from him.
He glanced down at a pile of papers on his desk, and back at her. “I’m sure you’d like to get down to business. I’ll move right ahead with the facts, if you don’t mind.”
She tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair. “Please do.”
“Bottom line, your husband owns the home where you now reside. I’ve seen the abstract and deed.”
So, Jeremy had spoken the truth. Her body heavy, she willed herself to speak. “I know I signed for it years ago. How can this be?”
“I don’t know the past details. I know what it states today. Are you sure you signed for the house, or maybe only for a loan?”
Ava rubbed her forehead. “I could’ve sworn I signed for the house, but many years have passed. Jeremy did pick out the house before we got married, and purchased it directly from the owner. He acted as the attorney who handled the legal end of the sale, of course.”
“As I said, I don’t know the history of what might’ve occurred initially with the signing, or if a change somehow happened along the way. Mr. Atkins wanted to show us a copy of Mr. Fraser’s sole ownership. The purchase date listed is before your marriage which therefore eliminates the house as part of the settlement as it stands right now.”
“I see. What would it take to find out if he changed the deed to omit me and if the purchase date actually occurred right after we married?”
He folded his hands and leaned forward. “Time and additional capital. It would delay the divorce considerably. You’ll need to make a decision as to what’s most important to you regarding this information, and if it’s worth it to pursue the legalities for the house as a possible inclusion in part of the divorce settlement. We’d have to find proof he illegally changed the date and your ownership. Otherwise, the house is considered your husband’s property since it shows he acquired it before your marriage and therefore it remains his upon the divorce, according to Florida law.”
Ava cleared her parched throat. “Thank you for being candid, Mr. Collins. I have a great deal to think over.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t have better news for you. Please consider the options and let my assistant know what you decide. In the meantime, I’ll continue with our current agenda.”
“Fine. I’m also concerned about my girls’ living arrangement when with their father.” Ava proceeded to tell him what Lily conveyed to her.
“Nothing different concerning custody came up in our meeting. If you find inappropriate conditions for your children in their father’s care, let me know and we’ll deal with it.”
On the drive back to the house, all she could think about through her tired fog was to arrive home. But Ava didn’t own any of the house she’d called home for eighteen years. Unbelievable.
She entered the house, nerves tingled up her spine. How eerie to realize the truth of the situation while in the house for the first time. Her keys clanked on the brown, granite counter top. She dropped her purse near them, trudged into the living room and sank onto the tan, overstuffed sofa, exhausted. A nap would help, but no sense going upstairs yet. She couldn’t rest until she mulled over her current situation.
Jeremy held most of their capital now with sole ownership of the house and he understood the law regarding divorce and property division much better than she did. She pressed her index finger to her lips. Her own checking account and job at Jeremy’s law firm as business office manager offered some stability.
Ava put her feet on the hassock and leaned her head back. She didn’t work with the attorneys and rarely ran into them, since they worked in the new building addition. Jeremy never came near her office. The scenario would work out fine.
Pursuing the house title wasn’t worth it, financially or otherwise. Her chances to have it changed were minimal and the cost out of her realm, to say nothing of the divorce delay. The only saving grace, her girls could continue living here in their home when with their father, if Jeremy didn’t sell the house, of course.
The framed photographs on the living room wall stood out to her. Pictures of the girls and the four of them in happier times, or so she once thought. She glanced at her favorite photo of Sara. How much a heart-to-heart talk tonight with her would help. But phone calls weren’t quite the same and with Italy’s current time six hours later than Florida, Sara would be in bed. Maybe she’d call her friend and co-worker, Marta.
What were the market prices for homes or renting condos and apartments? Probably much higher than she imagined. Regardless, she’d find some boxes tonight and decide what personal belongings to pack. But where would she take them with nowhere to go?
The tension in the back of her neck returned and she rubbed her palm over the knotted muscles. With their pending divorce, Jeremy’s veiled threats and the welfare of her daughters at stake, her homelessness now added to the quandary.

*

In the morning, she blinked hard to awaken, threw off the sheet, and pulled herself up in the king-size bed she’d once shared with her husband.
A watery, gray light undulated across the bedroom floor from between the white, shutter blinds. Yesterday’s fatigue vanished, thanks to a good night’s sleep.
Ava grabbed the list of items from her bedside table she’d jotted down last night. It wouldn’t take her long to pack. She stretched her arms above her head. With the first part of her new journey in order, she would focus on finding a place to stay.
She turned and put her feet on the cool, hardwood floor. With her lavender, satin robe flung around her shoulders, Ava stepped into her slippers. Most every day since her two daughters’ birth, she’d poked her head into their rooms. Ava kept her ritual, regardless that they were with Jeremy at the condo downtown. Any bit of normalcy helped her, but she couldn’t alleviate the difficulties her girls endured. Ava never imagined her children would go through a divorce. Wrong again.
Halfway down the stairway, she stopped for a moment to look at the framed, embroidered words of the Lord’s Prayer her mother made for Ava, a month before her mom’s death. She slid her fingers over the glass. She smiled, but tears stung her eyes as she headed to the kitchen for some much needed freshly, brewed coffee. Seated at the island with her Best Mom ceramic mug filled, the sips of the delicious Kona blend awakened her senses.
Ava dressed and arrived at the office ahead of schedule. She poured herself a cup of steaming coffee, sat behind her desk and scrolled through her office emails, eager to start the day with her co-workers. Ideas for places to live also beckoned at her this morning.
The click of high heels and chattering voices heightened. Ava glanced through the window from her adjoining office as three secretaries entered the main office, followed by two, new trainees.
A few nodded at her and they all entered their cubicles, except for one.
Marta poked her head inside Ava’s office. “Ava, have you decided what you’ll do about your living situation? We’re concerned for you over the divorce, and now I’m wondering where you’ll live on such short notice. Don’t forget, if you need a place to stay for now, let me know.”
“Thanks. I’ll be fine. I’m packing and plan to check out a few places soon. I’ll look at rentals for now. I’ll let you know when I’m no longer accessible on the land line at the house.”
“You’ve always been there for us and now we’re here for you.”
A tear welled in Ava’s eye and she blinked it back. “Thank you. It means a lot to have such caring co-workers and friends.” She took another gulp of coffee, opened the computer files to review the staff’s completed work and forwarded it to the appropriate departments. Keeping busy helped distracted her from the divorce.
After a conference call and consultation with Marta, she glanced at her watch. Time for a break. The hum of voices caught her attention in the main office. She glanced through her office window at Marta conversing with someone standing near the main office doorway.
Marta walked toward Ava’s office and pointed. “Yes, she’s in today.”
A woman in a blue suit walked to Ava’s office door. “Mrs. Fraser?”
Ava recognized her from the human resources department. “Yes, I’m Ava Fraser. Won’t you come in and have a seat?”
The woman closed the door behind her and sat across from Ava. “I’m Miss Jardine from human resources. Call me Heather.”
“Of course. How may I help you, Heather?” Ava sat up straight. Why would Heather come to Ava’s office for a problem in her department? At most, a call about a concern or a scheduled meeting if needed would be the typical protocol.
Heather stared at her shoes, glanced around the office and back at Ava. “I’m afraid to say I have some difficult news.”
“Are my children all right?” Her heart raced. Certainly someone would call her in an emergency, but Heather‘s face appeared somber.
“Oh, nothing like that.” She smoothed her hands over her skirt.
Silence ensued and Ava fidgeted in her chair. “What is it, then?”
“I’m afraid there’s a concern about your relationship with your husband, since you both work here at the same facility.”
Beads of sweat trickled down her back. Ava stood. “But we don’t work together. There hasn’t been a problem noted in all these years. And I thought the policy which stands regarding married couples not working here doesn’t apply to us, since it came into effect after we married.”
“Yes, all of that’s true.”
Her voice soared. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ll try and speak more definitively.” Heather steepled her fingertips. “Mr. Fraser wrote a grievance and stated due to your marriage and current state of affairs, your employment creates a difficult work situation for him as one of the law partners.”
She gasped for breath. “What does this mean for me?”
“You can write a rebuttal and move through the channels of the grievance chain of command for a decision all the way to upper management. Or you could seek your own outside counsel to try and overturn it.”
Ava leaned over her desk and slammed her palms down. “Are you saying I can’t work here anymore after all these years?”
“As I said, you can easily take recourse against it. You’ve been a stellar employee and I wish the best for you.”
Her pitch heightened. “There’s no “best” Miss Jardine. Let me get this straight. Are you telling me I need to address this grievance for a decision as to whether I can continue to work here or not?”
“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way with a major grievance.”
Ava’s tone sharpened. “Spell it out for me, please.”
“You’re currently suspended. I’m sorry, Mrs. Fraser. This is one aspect of my position I dislike. It’s not my decision, but it is my job responsibility.”
Unlike Ava, the woman had a job. “I understand and I’m not blaming you, but please leave me alone now.”
Miss Jardine clasped her hands together. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
Ava shook, as if ice traveled through her veins. “I need some time alone.”
“I must escort you out. Company policy. I’ll retrieve a box from the outer hallway for your personal items and be right back.”
Her hand shook, but she grabbed the receiver from the in-house phone and dialed Jeremy’s number.
“Jeremy Fraser.”
“I hope you’re happy now. This is pitiful, even for you.”
“You have to admit it’s not a healthy situation.”
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. I haven’t seen you in any of the buildings here in ages and you know it.”
His tone dripped with sarcasm. “It certainly won’t happen now, will it?”
“Give me a break. I’m taking one and moving ahead with my life and a future without you. Your pranks won’t stop me. And I’m moving out of your house as soon as I can. I’m ready.”
“What are you taking?”
Her voice struck a shrill tone. “That’s what you ask after eighteen years of marriage to the mother of your children? I’m only taking my personal items. Nothing you would want. Don’t worry.”
“Good. I won’t have to clear your stuff out. I’m starting fresh, too, and don’t want any old reminders of you in the house.”
“May God help you.” She slammed down the phone and Miss Jardine stood at the door with the box. With the outer office empty and everyone else in the break room, the staff wouldn’t see her walking out with a container.
She cleared her photos and other personal items from the desk and the drawers. They fit uncluttered in the box, unlike her otherwise jumbled life.
Miss Jardine’s heels clicked behind Ava through the hallway and up to the exit door.
The door clicked shut behind her one last time and she walked through the parking lot to her car. Ava put the box in the trunk and dusted off her hands, as if to say good riddance.
She entered the car and started it. Sweat trickled down from her neck and she flipped on the air conditioning. To take the job back, even if she could win the grievance would prove a mistake. She wouldn’t go through the shock, pain and humiliation of an episode like this again. No more deception, control or manipulation from Jeremy. She’d never work for someone she knew again.
The next job she took would require strangers as those who held authority over her, period. But what job? Now she’d have to apply for work, besides move somewhere. And there would be no paycheck after next week to live on.
Ava lowered her head toward the steering wheel, and her thoughts raced. Her checking account would dwindle a lot quicker than she expected. The divorce settlement would take some time, whatever small amount she received.
Her body quivered. What should she do? Ava needed to get it together, more than ever before. Time to go home and pack. Home. She should’ve said the house, which no longer meant home to her whether she owned it or not.
Soon she’d be single, out of the house she’d lived in for most of her adult life, and also without work. Soaked with sweat, her pink silk blouse clung to her back. She turned the air conditioning on high, and blasted cold air at her face. Ava squeezed the steering wheel hard with both hands. Best to move along out of the parking lot, before Jeremy thought of the idea to have her car towed from the premises.
In times like these her mother said to forgive and forget. Some issues Ava could never forgive, let alone forget. For certain, she wasn’t her mother. Not even close.
Ava rounded the last corner to the house and pulled into the garage. Her situation necessitated she make decisions soon, be self-sufficient, and strong. She didn’t have much choice but to try. Either get it together or give up.
Her hands gripped the steering wheel, and she rested her head over them. Her body quaked with sobs.
So this is what homelessness and unemployment felt like. How would she manage? Where would she go?
Enough crying. She raised her head up. Hope and faith resided somewhere inside of her. She would get through this daunting situation somehow with God’s help. Something else also drove her. The girls.

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