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Jenna

By Jo-Anne Berthelsen

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The car park was almost empty. Jenna waved goodbye to some young girls
who were just leaving and locked the front doors of the church with a sigh
of relief. She could hear Ian stacking chairs away in a nearby room – only the
two of them left now to make sure everything was tidy for Sunday. It had been
an exhilarating night, but also very demanding. Most of her girls had been
cooperative, yet there were always the one or two who required extra effort
from her to keep them engaged with the evening’s activities. Still, even they
had responded well in the end – and the conversations she’d been able to have
with them had been important. Now all she had to do was put some equipment
away in the office. Then she and Ian could join the other youth group leaders
for coffee – Ian would know where they had all decided to go. She was tired,
but she didn’t want to miss out.
She turned, picked up a pile of paper, pens and other bits and pieces and
headed for the office. Better to take time and put them away properly now. As
she did, she began to plan out in her mind how she would fit all she wanted to
do into the weekend ahead. Yes, she had plenty to do, but maybe she and Ian
could squeeze a movie in – or perhaps dinner out somewhere even …
Suddenly she heard a loud banging and rattling, followed by yelling and
more banging. She sprang up from where she had been crouched down in
front of a cupboard and made for the office door. Was it Ian’s voice? It was
hard to tell from where she was. He was still stacking chairs, she thought –
had he tipped some over and hurt himself? The noise continued and became
more and more insistent. Now she realised it was a female voice. And it was coming from somewhere near the front doors of the church.
Jenna headed in that direction. Perhaps one of the girls had left something behind – the leaders were always collecting up lost property. The doors were rattling and the yelling was becoming even more insistent. Now Jenna could see the figure of a woman, her face pressed close to the glass panes. And on her face was an expression of absolute terror.
“Open the doors! Call the police! Quick!”
Jenna hesitated. It was late – and the church was in quite a rough area. It was for that reason she had locked the doors after everyone else had left. Was it wise to let the woman in? On the other hand, Ian was somewhere close by – he must have heard the commotion by now. Anyway, if she didn’t open the doors, there was a distinct possibility the glass would break, with the woman pounding on it as she was. She hesitated a moment longer. The woman was looking at her, her eyes pleading.
“Please do something! Call the police!”
She had to respond. For a moment, she fumbled with the lock – and then the doors burst open. The woman hurtled forwards, almost knocking Jenna over in the process.
“Quick, you have to call the police! Someone’s threatening my friend – hurry!”
Jenna slammed the doors and locked them again.
“What’s happening? Where’s your friend?”
“She lives above me in our unit block – we’re just up the street in Number 33-36. She’s on the top floor – Unit 6. They’re trying to bash her door down!”
Without wasting any more time, Jenna ran back to the office and dialled for the police. The woman followed, shaking and sobbing.
“Tell them to get there quick! She has two kids – they’ll be scared out of their wits!”
Jenna knew she had to calm her down. Praying Ian would come soon, she began talking firmly to her.
“They’re on their way now. Listen – I can hear the sirens already! You’ve done a great job running down here to get help. Look, I don’t even know your name. I’m Jenna ...”
“I’m Rachel,” the woman muttered, when she could speak again. “Carrie’s been a good friend to me – I just want to help her out ...”
They could hear shouting in the distance now and then silence. They stood still for some time until a door slammed somewhere in the building and Ian came running towards them.
“What’s up, Jenna? Are you okay? I heard some banging and shouting, but I thought it was coming from the units next door.”
Jenna quickly told Ian what was happening, as Rachel stood biting her lip and glancing towards the doors of the church.
“Look, I gotta go and see if Carrie and her kids are okay now. It’s quietened down – they’ve either run off or the police caught them.”
“Who’s ‘them’, Rachel – do you know?” Jenna asked then.
“It’s bound to be some guys who are after Brian – that’s Carrie’s partner. Brian’s taken off though – he’s been gone for a couple of weeks now. He probably doublecrossed them in some deal – it’s happened before. But they’d be after his hide, that’s for sure. Well ... thanks for calling the cops anyway.”
Rachel turned to go then. At first, Jenna was at a loss as to what to do, but then she made up her mind.
“I don’t like to see you going back by yourself, Rachel. How about I come with you – or maybe Ian, if you’d prefer?”
Jenna heard Ian’s quick intake of breath and glanced across at him. He was shaking his head at her, trying not to make it obvious to Rachel.
“No, Jenna – I don’t want to see you go up there! It could be dangerous – you don’t know what’s actually going on in all this ...”
“All the more reason someone should go with Rachel then,” Jenna responded, feeling embarrassed for Rachel’s sake. “I don’t mind – and I’m sure the police will still be around.”
“No, Jenna!” Ian said more forcefully now. “I think we should stay out of this and leave it to the police. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re safe – and I don’t feel it’s right for me to interfere either. Besides ...”
His voice trailed off then. Jenna was sure he had been going to point out it was getting late – she hadn’t missed his quick glance at his watch.
Rachel hadn’t either. With a scornful glance at Ian and without another word, she turned her back on them and walked out of the church.
Ian and Jenna stood staring at each other, as the silence lengthened between them.
“We should have gone with her, Ian,” Jenna said miserably in the end.
“No, we shouldn’t!” Ian insisted in an exasperated tone. “It would have been too risky. I’m responsible for the welfare of all my leaders while they’re here on the premises at least – and I particularly don’t want anything bad to happen to you! We don’t even know for sure if her story was true, Jenna. You must have heard how some of the people around here like to make a scene and stir things up. Anyway, she’ll be right. It’s all quiet now. And we do have to get going, after all. It’s been a crazy night.”
Jenna could only stare back at him, trying to take in what he had said. In a way, she knew he had a point – it was silly to be foolhardy about such things. But on the other hand, she had seen the stark terror on Rachel’s face when she had bashed on the door. And however tough Rachel appeared or pretended to be, Jenna sensed she still would have valued another human being walking up that hill with her. Well, it was too late now – but it wasn’t pleasant to feel as if she had let someone down. And she was sure she’d detected a touch of scorn in Rachel’s manner as she had turned and left too.
Ian came to her then and held her close.
“Oh Jenna, I know you wanted to help her, but I’d have hated myself if anything had happened to you. And you know, you can’t solve everybody’s problems and rescue the whole world singlehandedly. If you were in ministry here during the week, you’d see what I mean – sometimes we have to let people fight their own battles. But you’re a sweetheart – and I love you for being so caring and compassionate. Now ... is it too late for that coffee?”
Jenna let her head rest on his shoulder for a moment longer. She was exhausted – and it felt good to be held and reassured. She tried to squash the niggling feeling that was still there inside her – Ian had only acted as he did because he wanted to protect her. And he was right. She did tend to feel she had to rescue everybody and solve all their problems. Even the other teachers at her school told her that at times. Perhaps she could check on Rachel and her friend tomorrow some time – or even Sunday. She’d have to think about it.
Jenna did not sleep well that night, despite being so tired. Whenever she woke, she could see Rachel’s face and in particular the scornful glance she had given them when they had debated about going with her. Was God prompting her to see if everything was okay in Rachel’s unit block? Or was it merely her guilty conscience speaking?
There were the usual Saturday jobs to be attended to after Jenna woke the following morning. She set to work as quickly as she could, trying not to get caught up too much in talking with her mother. There were distinct advantages in still living at home, but on the other hand, there were times when Jenna longed for more quiet and the freedom to live her own life without being questioned constantly about where she was going and what she was doing. And today of all days she particularly didn’t want to explain her actions to her mother. She wasn’t even sure she had come to the right decision herself, but her mind was made up. She had to get some of the assignments marked at least that she’d brought home from school – the pile on her desk was getting frighteningly high. But after that, she was determined to head to the unit block near church and see what was happening.
Fortunately for her, her parents both left the house before lunch to visit relatives.
“A shame you can’t come with us,” Jenna’s mother commented on her way out. “Nan and Pop will be disappointed – and so will the others, no doubt.”
“I have to get these marked,” Jenna told her, “and then Ian and I plan to go out. Give them my love – I’ll see them soon.”
“I hope you’re not going to have too late a night with Ian – you look tired already,” her mother responded in a slightly disapproving voice. “And I guess you’ll be down at church most of tomorrow again. We hardly seem to see you these days. Well, I’d better go – sounds like your father’s getting impatient.”
Jenna worked at her desk until lunchtime. There was still more to do, but she’d have to leave it. Hopefully she’d have time to prepare her lessons later in the weekend. As she drove towards the church, she tried to settle her racing thoughts and turn her mind from thinking about the school week ahead to the situation at hand. Momentarily, she wondered what Ian would think of what she was about to do, but decided then it was pointless even guessing. Sometimes he surprised her with his various views on things. Still, there was so much she loved and admired about him too – and it was inevitable they would react differently at times. After all, he was used to being the man in his household since his father’s death. And as for her – well, she could be strong-willed and determined too when she had to be.
She left her car in the church car park and walked up the hill towards the unit block Rachel had mentioned the previous evening. She remembered the unit where the trouble seemed to have occurred was Number 6 – a pity she hadn’t thought to ask which unit was Rachel’s.
As she entered the unit block, she felt slightly nervous. Dear God, I feel a bit out of my depth, she prayed – please be with me and guide me. She began to climb the stairs to the first floor – she could hear a TV blaring as she passed one door and the sound of what seemed like a heated argument behind another. And at the end of the corridor, she thought she glimpsed someone looking at her and then a door hastily closing. Had it been Rachel standing there? If so, she obviously didn’t want to speak to her. Taking a deep breath, Jenna continued on up the stairs and knocked on the door of Number 6.
There was no answer. Jenna knocked again, a little louder this time. She was sure she heard some movement on the other side of the door, but still there was no response. She stood there for a while, uncertain what to do next. Then, with determination, she knocked again.
“Hello? Is anyone there?”
Silence – and then a small, hesitant voice responded.
“Who ... who is it?”
“I don’t think I’ve met you, but my name’s Jenna Ramsey. I’m from the church down the road ...”
“We don’t go there – we’re not interested.”
Jenna chided herself for starting out on the wrong foot.
“No, no – I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I was down at the church late last night when your neighbour came and found us – she was really worried about you.”
Now Jenna heard a scrambling and a young child’s voice, before the door opened just a crack and a woman’s face peered out. Apparently what she saw reassured her enough to risk opening the door wider and letting her visitor in.
“Sorry the place is in such a mess ...” the woman began, before Jenna interrupted.
“Don’t worry – I was just concerned about you and wanted to see if you needed any help. Rachel was so scared when she came running down and yelled at us to call the police. I’m sorry I don’t remember your name ...”
“It’s Carrie,” the woman told her. “And these are my two boys, Anthony and James. We’re okay – we’re actually in the middle of packing – that’s why everything’s in a mess. We’re going away for a little while ...”
Carrie’s voice trailed off, but then as she looked at Jenna, she seemed to make up her mind.
“Thanks for calling the police last night. I don’t want to say much, but we were really scared, weren’t we, boys? You see, their Dad’s not here – he left a couple of weeks ago – and I think the guys who tried to bash our door down last night were after him. It’s probably to do with money he owes them or something – a lot of crazy stuff goes on around here. We don’t have a phone, so I sure was glad Rachel ran down and found you. The police were good – they caught one of the guys and then stayed and made sure we were safe. But I don’t want the kids frightened any further. So I’m going to head to my sister’s up at Burra – I know she’ll let us stay for a bit.”
Jenna glanced around and saw some old shopping bags nearby that were half filled with clothes and other odds and ends. The boys looked about seven and five, she guessed. They were sitting close to their mother and the younger one in particular looked uncertain.
“Does she know you’re coming? Would you like me to let her know? Or is there anything else I can do for you?”
“I think we’re right ... and yes, my sister does know. We went to the phone box this morning and called her. She lives on a farm on the edge of town and the boys like running around there and playing with their cousins. It’s a bit
hard for them swapping schools, but what else can I do? I don’t want them scared all the time – it’s just better if we disappear for a while.”
Jenna sensed from Carrie’s manner that this had happened before and her heart went out to her. She wondered how old Carrie was – it was hard to tell. Probably younger than she looked, Jenna guessed. Life had obviously dealt Carrie some blows, judging by the worried lines on her face and the nervous way she was twisting her hands together. Sitting opposite her on the sagging old lounge chair, Jenna felt totally inadequate. What could she say that would go anywhere near helping this poor girl? What could she do?
“Do you need an extra hand with your packing? I could stay for a bit if you like,” she offered in the end.
“We’ll be okay,” Carrie told her, her voice tired. “I only have to sort a few more things out and make sure the boys have all they need. Rachel said she’d tell their teachers here what has happened and let them know which school the boys will be at. And she’ll collect any mail and forward it to me. Perhaps though ... well, I don’t know how we’re all going to get to the station tomorrow ...”
“I could take you there,” Jenna offered immediately. “What time does the train go?”
Carrie’s relief was obvious.
“Are you sure? Wow – thanks so much! I don’t think we could have managed on the bus. Do you ... would you like a cup of tea or coffee? I could do with one. Boys, how about you make your beds and tidy your room up – okay?”
The boys reluctantly left them to it. Carrie made their drinks, apologising all the time that there were no biscuits to offer Jenna.
“Things have been a bit tight since Brian left – not that they weren’t tight before that too for that matter. I didn’t want to say much in front of the boys, but I know Brian’s got in with a bad crowd – there are lots of drugs available around here and sometimes a deal can go wrong. Or someone tries to doublecross someone else – and then there’s all hell to pay! I told the police last night I didn’t know what was happening and that’s true. I’ve always told Brian I don’t want to know – I don’t want to be involved at all. I want to bring my boys up the right way. I want to give them a good start in life. I don’t want them dragged up like I was, always wondering where the next meal was coming from and who would hit me next. They deserve better – and I’m going to make sure they get it!”
The words had come out of Carrie like a torrent – and now the tears followed. Jenna went to sit beside her and held her until the sobs subsided.
Again she felt utterly inadequate in the light of Carrie’s pain and anguish. She herself had it so easy compared to Carrie. What could she possibly say that would be helpful or even make any sense?
“Carrie,” she began hesitantly, “I know you said you’re not interested in church, but God’s interested in you. And I believe God wants to protect you and provide for you too. I wonder – could I pray for you now? Would you be comfortable with that?”
Carrie sniffed and then looked straight at Jenna.
“Well, you can pray if you want – but I’d have trouble believing God’s going to protect us and provide for us. If that’s true, then why has all this happened to us? And how come Brian belted me up a couple of weeks ago? How come I’ve had to struggle all my life and nothing seems to have gone right for me?”
Jenna felt pierced to the core, but she kept her eyes glued to Carrie’s and answered honestly.
“Carrie, I hear what you’re saying and I can’t answer your questions. But all I know is that God didn’t want it to be like that for you. And God has much better things ahead for you, I’m convinced of that. Perhaps if I pray for you now and then maybe I can help you clean up a bit before I go. Let’s pray, shall we?”
Jenna stumbled through a simple prayer, hardly knowing what she was praying. Yet whatever her inadequacies, she knew when she had finished that God had heard. That was all she could do – leave it all with God and do what practical things she could to help Carrie out. Despite Carrie’s protests, Jenna then set to and cleaned up the kitchen, while Carrie continued packing. Eventually, however, she realised she needed to go – Ian would be picking her up in less than an hour.
“See you around eleven tomorrow then,” she told Carrie, as she waved goodbye and hurried down the stairs.
Jenna felt numb as she showered and dressed. She was glad now that Ian had decided they would have a quick bite to eat somewhere and then see an early movie. He needed an early night with a busy Sunday ahead, he had told her, which had suited her then and suited her even more now.
For some reason, Jenna decided not to mention her visit to the unit block to Ian. It was all too fresh in her mind – she hardly knew how she felt about it all. Fortunately, Ian monopolised the conversation as they ate and then it was time for the movie. Jenna sank back in her seat, glad of the darkness around her and only dimly aware of what the movie was about. She should have said so much more to Carrie. She should have been able to answer her questions so much better. Why was it that, after all her years of attending church and leading youth groups and reading the Bible, she was so inadequate in situations such as she had found herself in today? Sure, it was relatively easy to relate to her girls at youth group and explain things to them – but she needed to know so much more and be better equipped. Carrie and others like her tugged at her heart – she wanted to help them in deep and meaningful ways. And yet today she felt she had failed.
When Ian dropped Jenna home later that night, she held onto him tightly as he kissed her goodnight. She wanted to tell him all about Carrie and be comforted and encouraged, but it was late and she was tired.
“Ian, I had quite a challenging experience earlier today I’d like to tell you about, but I think it might have to wait,” was all she said in the end. “I’ll probably have to leave church a bit early in the morning, but I’ll explain everything tomorrow night. Bye – I love you!”
Ian was curious. He wanted to ask more but decided he’d have to leave it. Jenna was a great girl, yet sometimes he wondered whether she was a bit too independent for him. Well, time would tell.
The next day, Jenna only just managed to make it to Carrie’s by eleven, as she had promised. Fortunately, the service had finished a little earlier than usual, but Ian had wanted to introduce some new people to her and it had been hard to extricate herself. She drove her car up the street nearer the unit block to make it easier for Carrie and the boys and was glad she had, when she saw the mixture of bags and bundles they were all carrying.
“I think I’ve remembered everything,” a breathless Carrie told her. “I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t offered to give us a lift.”
In the end, they arrived at the station in plenty of time. Jenna insisted on accompanying them right to their platform and helping them with their various possessions. And just as the train was about to arrive, she turned to Carrie and pressed something into her hand.
“This is a small gift from me to tide you over,” she told her hurriedly. “And Carrie, it’s not just from me – it’s from God via me! I know God does care about you all – and this is one way of showing that. All the best – and let me know when you get back!”
Carrie looked down in shock at the fifty dollar note Jenna had given her and at that moment, the train pulled into the station. All she had time to do was stuff the money into her purse and give Jenna a quick nod, before picking up her bags and climbing on board.
Jenna stood looking in the direction of the departing train for a moment, before making her way back to her car. It seemed the least she could do for
them, but they needed so much more. Well, she was going to pray that God would in fact protect and provide for them – and that somehow sometime she would be given a second chance with Carrie. She wanted that with all her heart, she realised – she truly wanted to make a difference in Carrie’s life and the lives of other women like her. But she knew she had a long way to go and a lot to learn.
As she drove home, she began mentally prioritising all the work waiting to be done before she headed down to the church again for the evening service. She was way behind with her marking, but lesson preparation would have to come first. It was with mixed feelings then that she noticed her aunt’s car outside the house as she pulled up. Normally she enjoyed talking with her – but today she had so many pressing things needing her attention. Well, they could at least chat over lunch – she was still in time for that and she had to eat anyway.
But as the afternoon unfolded and Christina and Steve arrived as well, Jenna soon discovered it would be impossible to excuse herself without offending most of her family. When she did suggest it at one stage, she was howled down immediately. After all, if she had so much to do, her sister pointed out, she could easily not go to church again. With a sigh, she resigned herself to a very late night of rushed preparation for the school week ahead and went to help her mother with the afternoon tea.
After church that evening, Jenna found herself part of a rowdy group, along with Ian, at a nearby coffee shop. She knew she should be home, but at the same time she felt strangely restless. The last thing she felt like doing, she realised, was preparing lessons for the week ahead.
“Where did you disappear to so quickly after church this morning?” Ian asked her, as they managed to grab a few quiet moments together.
Jenna hesitated a fraction, but then decided to tell him exactly what had happened.
“I tried to help at least, but I don’t know how successful I was,” she admitted. “She’s not at all convinced God’s watching over her – and I can understand that. I wish I’d known how to handle things better – I hope before I see her next time I’ll be a bit more equipped in that regard.”
Ian’s jaw was set, Jenna noticed, and there seemed to be a conflicting mixture of emotions on his face.
“Well – you’re a bundle of surprises, aren’t you? Here I thought you had so much to do with your school stuff and you’re off visiting someone! I’m especially surprised you followed up on that woman Rachel and her friend when I thought I’d made it clear on Friday night that we probably shouldn’t get involved. Jenna, the whole thing could have been a big lie – we don’t know! And as for giving this other woman money – how do you know she wouldn’t go straight away and spend it on drugs or give it to her no-good partner?”
Jenna was too tired to argue the point for long.
“Ian, I felt it was something I should do – even that God wanted me to do. Just because something looks too hard doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do it. And it wasn’t dangerous – it’s not like I visited Carrie late at night or anything. Yes, I probably didn’t handle it the best way – but at least I tried to reach out to her.”
Ian softened then.
“And I’m proud of you for that, Jenna. You’re a brave woman, you’re caring, you’re passionate about doing what God wants – and I love you for all of that!” he told her, taking her hand and holding it tightly. “If we weren’t in such a public place, I’d kiss you right now! Just be careful though, won’t you? I’m sure I could have helped you with what to say to this Carrie, if I’d have known what you were doing.”
Ian’s words kept ringing in Jenna’s ears as she sat at her desk long after she should have been in bed, glumly trying to prepare for the week ahead. She felt so blessed to have Ian in her life and to know he thought so highly of her – she knew several of the other girls at church would have liked to be in her position. Some things he said at times did puzzle her, she had to admit, but she was sure that, with God’s help, their relationship would strengthen and deepen. Now, however, she needed to shift her focus from Ian and from church-related matters in general. She wished she didn’t have to – she was not looking forward to the week ahead.
The next morning, she woke with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Judging by her own high standards, her lessons were only half prepared. And she had promised some of her students she’d have their assignments marked for them too – she hated to let them down. For a fleeting moment, she thought of Carrie. Would her boys be able to settle in well at a different school and cope with the trauma they had recently experienced? She sat quietly for a short while, praying for them and for herself as well. However prepared or unprepared she was, she wanted to honour God in all she did and said.
***
I am watching over you, Jenna, every moment of the day, as well as Carrie and her boys. I love your heart for others and I love your heart for me. You are learning to see people through my eyes – and that delights my heart. You aren’t aware of it as yet, but I’m preparing you for something different – something that will be costly and challenging for you, but also wonderfully fulfilling. Stay close to me – I will guide you.
God

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