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I Don't Look Like What I've Been Through

By Jenica Johnson

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Chapter 1: Kierra

I stood in the mirror and ran my hand across my face where there was a fresh bruise. Tears

threaten to fall as I thought on how I can get myself out of this situation. Here I was a 17 years

old girl pregnant by my abusive boyfriend and a mother that didn’t care rather I was alive or

buried in a pine box. Just a few weeks ago I received college letters and was deciding which

college to go to. Now I was standing here pregnant and abused.

“Kierra come on out that bathroom before you miss that bus! Ain’t nobody worried bout your

face, go in my room and put some of that make up on it and get out of here.” My mother yelled.

My mother was young so she could care less about anybody but herself. I went into her room and

got some of her L.A. girl’s make up to cover up the big hand mark on my face. I went back into

my bedroom and grabbed my book bag and walked out the door without saying anything to my

mother, she was laying on the sofa with dried slob around her mouth; high as a kite. Thankfully

this was my senior year because I was on the first thing smoking out of here, even if it was

community college.

I got on the bus and sat in the very back by myself, I didn’t want anyone to talk to me or sit next

to me, so I placed my book bag in the empty space next to me. We pulled up to the school and I

smiled as soon as I seen Brandon waiting on me by the gym. Brandon was mixed so he had a

hard time being accepted at our school. He was too bright to be black and was too dark to be

white. The thing I like about him was, he didn’t carry himself like most people thought he would.

We went to a private school, the only way I was able to come here was due to my high GPA.

And the fact that I never fit in at my old school because I was classified as a nerd.

“Wassup, with you? Why the sad face?” Brandon asked me taking my book bag from me and

handing me a breakfast sandwich.

“Dude, my mother is tripping. I want to tell her about the baby. But I’m afraid she gone flip out,”

I told Brandon and trying to cover my scar at the same time.

“Aye, now you know I’ve known you all our life, right? You caking that makeup on ain’t hiding

that scar on your face. Now, you did an alright job but I’m saying. Just because you pregnant by

him doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to beat you.” Brandon told me as we sat our stuff down to

eat. There was nothing left to be said. Brandon constantly lectured me about my boyfriend but it

fell on deaf ears because I was in madly in love with him.

My day went by quickly and I would rather stay at school then to go home or deal with my

boyfriend. I didn’t even bother to get on the bus I walked home just get my thoughts together.

“What took you so long to get here?” My mother started yelling time I got in the house.

“I walked home.” I replied. I went straight to my room and started my homework, being in

school was my escape from the real world, it gave me peace.

“When I ask you something don’t give me attitude, no wonder that boy go upside your head

because you stupid.” She walked out. I didn’t have any doors because she wanted to see what I

was doing at all times at least when she was home; most of the time she would leave for days at a

time. I remember she left for about a week and I was without lights, but I refuse to call my

boyfriend and tell him because every time he did something for me, it came with consequences. I

rubbed my stomach and made a promise that I would never treat my child that way. After

finishing my homework, I drifted off to sleep waiting for my mother to finish cooking dinner,

before I went to sleep I knew it was her famous fried chicken, cream corn and rice. That was the

only thing she could cook without burning the house down.

“Get up and clean that kitchen up, I’m about to head out. I’ll be back later on.” She walked away

and I knew she wasn’t coming back until Sunday night. It was the weekend so I knew Dez was

going to be over trying to make up for what he done last night. I raised up off my bed and went

into the kitchen to fix a plate but when I walked in there, there was no food left for me. “She

always do that!” I yelled and kicked the trash can over. I refuse to wash those dishes tonight and

I didn’t eat, now I had to call Dez to bring me something to eat.

“Yea?” Dez said into the phone.

“Could you please bring me something to eat? My mother cooked just enough for her and there’s

no food in the house.”

“Nah, I can’t right now. I’m in the middle of something, but I’ll be by later to bring you

something.” Dez hung up the phone before I could respond. I knew it was going to be after

midnight before Dez came over, so I opt to call Brandon.

Brandon arrived with pizza and wings forty five minutes later. “Good thing a brother got a car,

because you and that baby would be dead around here,” he laughed.

“I really appreciate you for going and buying me something, Dez was busy, so I didn’t want to

bother him.” I gave Brandon an excuse. We ate our pizza and Brandon headed home before his

curfew. I decided to get up and get the house clean before Dez got there, I didn’t need another

reason to have a new bruise. After cleaning up I took a bath and went to bed, it was now 1 am

and I knew Dez had no intentions of coming over.

“I’m trying to figure out why you ask me to bring you something to eat and you done ate

already,” Dez slapped me and pushed me off the bed. “I seen the pizza boxes in there. Another

thing I’m trying to figure out is who was over here with you, huh?” He stood over me pulling me

by my ponytail into the kitchen. “Who helped you eat a whole pizza and wings?”

Trying to control my crying and talk at the same time, he slapped me again causing my nose to

bleed. “Brandon! Brandon came over.” I managed to get out before he hit me again.

“What I told you about being around him? You like him or something?” Dez asked.

“No!” I responded.

Dez was only three years older than me, standing at 6’1” with a low fade haircut. Dez finished

high school and went to college for only a semester before he found himself in trouble and had to

come back home. Dez lived with his mother and two sisters. His father died when he was only

ten, so he was left to be raised by his mother. Dez paid all my mother’s bills, when he wanted

too, so he had a key to the house, and this is the reason she always took up for him when he

jumped on me.

“Get up off that floor and go eat that food I brought you, and let me find out that baby you

carrying not mine. I promise you I will kill you and that baby. I’ll stop by tomorrow to check on

you, don’t have no one else over here either.”

I raised up off the floor when I heard the door close, I went to the living room to lock the door

and went back to my room to look at my new bruises. Even though I was dark my bruises would

show up just as if I was light skinned. I took my hair out of the ponytail that was now messed up

from him pulling my hair. I brushed it and put it in one big French braid and placed my bonnet

on. I laid back down and tried to get some rest, if Dez didn’t stop with his beatings I doubt very

seriously I would be able to carry this baby.

It was Saturday and usually I spent my Saturday’s at Brandon house. I got my cell phone and

sent a text to Brandon. I ran some scorching hot water in the tub and placed some honey scented

bubbles in the water. I eased in the water and it instantly relaxed my muscles. I rubbed my small

pouch and hoped that the baby I was carrying wouldn’t be like me or their father. I wanted so

much more for my life, but I was lost between reality and love. It was nothing for me to go to

school and make all A’s because I always wanted to go to college. But I felt that now that I was

pregnant, my world was over.

“Your little boyfriend texting your phone,” Dez threw my phone in the water. “Get dressed.”

I put my towel around me and walked into my bedroom to put on some clothes, Dez was out on

the porch talking to one of the boys that stayed down the street. I was a little nervous, because I

didn’t know where he was taking me. I put my romper on and a pair of sandals, I plugged my flat

irons up to straighten my hair up. Again I went into my mother’s room and put her makeup on to

cover my bruises, I was a very pretty girl. My hair hung past my shoulders, I was short and petite

and had two deep dimples that complimented my smile. Dez would often tell me not to smile

whenever I was around his friends, but my dimples showed even when I talked. I placed my

phone in a bowl of dry rice, hoping that it would be able to turn on by the time he brought me

back home.

Snatching my small purse off the door, I locked the front door and headed out to Dez car where

he was waiting on me. “What took you so long?” He asked, but I never responded. I didn’t know

when to talk and when not to talk. “I’m taking you to our new house, I can’t have you staying

there and you don’t have food or anything.” Dez said not taking his eyes off the road. I could

deal with the softer side of Dez, this was the dude I was in love with. We pulled up to a gated

community and I watched him punch a code in, the gate opened and we drove down about two

rows and turned into a driveway. I looked out the window and was amazed at how big this house

was. He handed me the key and I unlocked the door, it was beautiful, three bedrooms and two

bathrooms.

“When did you buy this?” I asked Dez.

“I just got it yesterday, that’s why I told you I was busy yesterday. I was out buying stuff for the

house. You staying here tonight, I’ll take you to get your things from your house tomorrow.” I

ran over to him wrapping my arms around his neck placing small baby kisses of his face. “I love

it” was all I said to Dez.

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