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Love Ordained

By Tara Taffera

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Chapter 1
Four months after the accident

Gina opened the door of her ranch-style home and noticed some of the stucco had started to peel. Just another thing she would have to ignore. She walked up the steps with her one bag of groceries and looked at the wreath that hung on the door. The word welcome, along with the singing birds and flowers that appeared on the wreath Helena had bought her, left an impression for those who saw it that this was a warm and welcoming house full of cheer. That was once true—but not anymore. Now it only reminded her of the heartache she was feeling. She opened the door quickly as she was unable to think of Alex and Teresa for more than a few minutes at a time.
She turned on the light and was greeted by darkness. That’s funny. She swore Alex had changed the bulb before he … She couldn’t even finish the sentence. It would have to stay that way. Gina felt so weak that something like going to the drawer to find a light bulb, then climbing on a chair to change it, just seemed unbearable. To her, every task seemed like an insurmountable challenge that she simply didn’t have the energy to even attempt, let alone try and fail. On most days she felt like the carpets were made of quicksand and if she lingered too long, they would swallow her whole. Though many times she wished they would.
She walked in the kitchen and flipped the switch, but it was still dark. She looked at the three piles of mail still on the table—all of which were increasing in size. God only knew where that power bill was. Gina’s father had been paying them for her but the last time he was here he said she had to start doing it herself. He had shown her where everything was, and made it seem so easy. Her eyes then fell on the coffee table where her Bible lay. How long had it been since she leafed through its pages—something she used to do every day without even thinking.
Pushing those thoughts away, she pulled the bottle of cabernet that she just bought from Publix along with a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, a bottle of jelly and a bag of pretzels out of the grocery bag.
About one month after the accident she decided to start buying some of the food she used to enjoy. She walked down one of the supermarket aisles in search of what she wanted with plans of making a quick escape. But when she unknowingly strolled up the baby food aisle and saw the items she used to buy for Teresa she broke down in tears. Once she started crying, the tears came fast and furious and a Winn Dixie employee had to help her to the car. After that, she started driving the few extra miles to Publix and stuck to buying just a few things.
As she looked at the peanut butter and jelly, she suddenly craved a piece of Helena’s homemade baklava. Gina had been having all kinds of sweet cravings lately. She knew that would happen but for now she would have to be happy with her peanut butter sandwich. The sound of the doorbell interrupted her thoughts. It was probably Elizabeth. Who else could it be? She hadn’t spoken to Alex’s parents, John and Helena, sister Anna and brother Christian since the accident. Maybe it was Pastor Tom, someone she really didn’t want to face—especially with the bottle of wine on the table. She knew she should be turning to God, but since Alex died it was just too hard. She didn’t blame Him for the accident, but yet she just couldn’t bring herself to pray for strength—at this point she didn’t think anything would help, which was strange, because that is where she always turned first before everything happened to her.
She really hoped it was Elizabeth, her friend since grade school, and hoped she could tell her she was fine then maybe she would be left alone for a few more days. Elizabeth was like Gina’s parents, in that she kept checking up on her to make sure she was okay. But since her parents lived two hours away from Gina’s house in Tarpon Springs, Florida, it was Elizabeth who checked in on her a few times a week. And if she didn’t answer the door her friend was persistent. She would bang away for an hour, if that’s what it took for Gina to show herself. But tonight she wanted to get it over with, so she opened it after the first knock. Maybe Elizabeth would go through these bills, or better yet do it for her, and find that stupid envelope from the power company. She adjusted the large, oversized sweatshirt she was wearing so it looked extra bulky.
“Hi Eliza---“ she said.
But it wasn’t her best friend, it was the two people in the world that, although they loved her dearly, were the last ones she wanted to see right now.
“Mom, Dad. What are you doing here?”
Gina’s mother Maria walked in the darkened house first. Her father Sal followed behind and immediately went for the light switch. She heard him mutter under his breath as he stomped over to flip the switch to the kitchen. When that didn’t work, he looked at the thermostat, and she could see the flaming red start to show up on his cheeks.
“Come on, Gina! How hard is it to pay a couple of lousy bills?”
Before she could answer, not that she would have anyway, her mother jumped in.
“Sal, please,” her mother said.
“Please, what? I know she’s going through a lot but paying these wouldn’t be that hard if she hadn’t relied on Alex to do all of this.”
Maria just sighed as she sat down and started to go through it all.
She looked at her mother with relief knowing she would take care of everything. It wasn’t always like this. Yes, Alex took care of the bills, but Gina was as independent and capable as they came. It was one of the things Alex always told her he loved about her. But everything changed after he died. She didn’t have the strength to do any of it.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Sal yelled, knocking Gina back to the present. “How is she ever going to take care of herself if everyone keeps doing things for her? She needs to get it together!”
After months of sitting silent as her father droned on about how she needed to move on and take control of her life, something in her snapped.
“What’s wrong with you helping me out?” she screamed. “I just lost my husband and daughter.”
“You lost them four months ago,” he screamed back.
“Oh, sorry, Dad. So, tell me. How long can I grieve? Should I have been done in two months, three? I guess I didn’t receive my copy of the grieving widow’s handbook. Why don’t you run out and buy me a copy so I know how I should act?”
“Oh, don’t give me that ‘woe is me’ sad song. That’s all I’ve been hearing from you. I know this has been hard, Gina. It’s hard for us too,” then his tone became slightly softer. “But you have to take responsibility. If Teresa were here, you’d have to do all these things to take care of her. Would you let her exist on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?”
“It doesn’t matter because Teresa isn’t here, is she?” she screamed in a boom that made her earlier outburst seem subdued.
“No, she isn’t,” her dad yelled taking her cue. “And you have to start dealing with that like the rest of us are. We won’t be back again until you start taking care of yourself. We won’t keep doing it for you.”
He grabbed Mom’s hand and led her out the door and slammed it behind him. She saw her mother look back through the window and knew that even though she would want to help she was too weak to stand up to her hot-tempered Italian husband.


Gina woke from her cabernet-induced slumber by the sound of the doorbell. She looked outside trying to figure out if it was the sun rising or setting. Then she remembered her parents left a few hours ago.
Gina opened the door, and although she was not fully awake, the person standing there made her eyes widen instantly.
“Helena,” was all she could manage. Though she tried to will her lips open, her mouth wouldn’t cooperate.
Gina ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to straighten her greasy locks that hadn’t been washed in at least four days, though she had lost all track of time lately.
“How are, y--?”
“I’m only here to tell you that some of your things are at our house and if you don’t come over by Friday to pick them up it’s all going in the trash. We’ll leave it on the stoop for you. Don’t bother knocking. Just take it and go.” Then she turned and left.
There were a lot of things Gina would have loved to say. How is the family? Why have you stopped inviting me over each Sunday for the weekly dinner? Why does no one in the family call me or text me or answer me when I reach out to them? Or better yet: Why have I been banished from the family I have loved so much for almost eight years? Why are you punishing me like this? But she couldn’t find the words. She wanted to go inside and take a long swallow of her cabernet, though deep down she knew she shouldn’t be drinking it, but she couldn’t move. When her legs finally unglued themselves from her cement steps, Helena turned toward her.
“By the way, I heard about your breakdown in Winn Dixie. I really hope you’re seeing someone who can help you with that.”
Just as Gina thought Helena’s heart might be melting slightly. That she was ready to let Gina back in her heart, she stomped on it once more.
“I’d really hate for that to happen again and for you to embarrass the family even further.”

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