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I'll Take the Lie

By Nancy E Wood

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The day Justin went missing, I jolted awake, my hands sweating and feet tingling. My alarm clock read 5:17 am. I lay in bed, trying to catch my breath. The old mantra my shrink used to make me repeat surged with each breath. Think positive, be positive. Think positive, be positive.
I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep. After fifteen minutes of tossing and turning, I knew it wasn’t going to work. My covers felt like they were made out of lead as I pulled them back and inched my way off the bed. My heart was finally slowing to a more reasonable pace. I needed water. I grabbed the empty glass on my nightstand and tiptoed downstairs, past my little brother Cayden’s room, and into the kitchen.
As I drank from the tap, I glanced outside. The sun had just started rising, turning the sky a pale shade of orange. If it hadn’t been the middle of December, I would’ve gone out to the barn. It was a great place to think.

I sank down at the bar. What had caused my anxiety today? I hadn’t had an attack in months. I’d stopped seeing my psychotherapist, even though Mom said I shouldn’t be overconfident. Dr. Lancaster, or Sharon, as she insisted on being called, had said that there is not always one cause; several things could come up at once and get overwhelming if I didn’t deal with them all separately.
The sun peeked out from behind the snowy rooftops, a deep orange ball that was too beautiful to ignore. I finally looked away, spots dancing before my eyes. Maybe the stress of my senior year was finally hitting me. I’d been working my butt off to get straight As to make up for my disgrace of a junior year. My heart was set on going to Michigan University, where my brother Alex had just started, but I needed to have a perfect average to get into the sociology program. Then there was the whole falling out with my former best friend, Fabiana, that had left me lonely. I usually ignored that issue and tried to focus on school. And I was sure there was a myriad of other little things that stressed me out. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind. They were just making me more anxious.
I filled my glass again and was about to head back to my room when my mom came down the stairs, still in her bathrobe, strands of hair falling from her clip. “What are you doing up so early, Paige?” she said.
I drank another gulp before answering. “Couldn’t sleep. I guess I’m excited about Alex getting home.”
She examined me with sleep-filled eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Why are you up so early?” I leaned against the bar, sipping my water as if I didn’t have a care in the world.
“I have to get started on cooking. I need to make nut rolls for Alex. And the guest room needs to be cleaned—”
“Mom, the guest room is always spotless,” I said, happy for the change of topic.
She wasn’t listening. “If you’re already up, you could help me dust in the living room. I need to start making the lasagna.”
On the way back to my room, I could already hear the clatter of pans. I wondered if Mom ever got a full night of sleep. She always seemed to be the last one in bed and the first one up. She was a landscape architect, a very sought-after one. During the week, she usually wouldn’t get home until late, but somehow she’d always have a hot meal ready for us and a lunch packed for us the next day. I admired her in that way, but she was never able to slow down. I often thought I’d gotten my anxiety from her. We both handled our stress in different ways, though.
As I showered, I tried to cheer myself. Thank God for Alex coming home. If there really was a god out there. He would be here for almost a month, bringing his girlfriend Amy. She’d celebrated two Christmases with us already, so we were used to her being around. Alex and I were as close as siblings could be. He was one year, two months, and eleven days older than me. We grew up fighting a lot, but during high school, we got closer, and we’d always tell each other everything and help the other when it came to things like understanding the opposite sex. When he moved to Ann Arbor, an hour away from our home in Hedgeville, Ohio, I was more heartbroken than when my actual best friend told me she never wanted to speak to me again.
Alex had come home fairly often at first, but I hadn’t seen him since Thanksgiving, and we didn’t really talk much while he was gone. I blamed his busy schedule, but it did hurt my feelings sometimes when he didn’t get back to me for days after I’d sent him a text. This time, though, he was going to be home for three weeks, and I couldn’t wait to catch up on everything he’d been doing. He and Amy had also promised to take me back with them after New Year’s so I could see MU and talk to some of the admissions staff there. I couldn’t wait to get out of the stifling Harrison High School.
When I walked downstairs again, I could hear my parents talking in hushed tones in the kitchen. Mom was kneading dough while Dad poked around in the fridge. When they saw me, their conversation ended.
“Ready to help?” Mom’s smile looked like someone was pushing both sides of her lips up against her will.
My dad finally emerged from the fridge with a beer in his hand. He moved out into the living room without a glance toward me.
I sighed, giving myself a mental pep talk. “Sure.”
Hours later, the house was clean, all of Alex’s unused sheets were washed again, and the smell of lasagna filled the entire house.
Mom and I had just finished putting the nut rolls in the oven when the comfortable silence was broken by my sister.
“Mo-om! Where is my concealer?”
Mom and I looked at each other, and I rolled my eyes. Lauren was awake.
“I don’t know. Check the bathroom.”
Lauren stalked into the kitchen in her Victoria’s Secret pajamas and fluffy slippers. Her long hair flopped around in a messy bun. “It’s not anywhere.”
“Why don’t you try going one day without caking makeup all over your face?” I scowled at her, dusting my hands on my apron.
She scowled back at me, and Mom followed her out of the kitchen.
“How are we even related?” I muttered, forgetting nobody was in the room.
I wandered into the living room where Dad watched the news. He traveled during the week but normally took Saturdays off just to chill. He was the only one I knew other than Granddad who actually paid attention to every word the news reporters said.
“What’s new today?” I perched on the edge of the couch farthest from him.
It took him a minute to answer. “Cold front coming in. Might even get some snow.”
“Cool! Could you get the sleds out of the barn if it does? It’s been forever since we’ve—"
Dad grunted. “Alex can get them when he’s here.”
We sat in silence for a few more minutes. My mind raced with all kinds of things to talk about, but I knew I’d just be bothering him. Dad used to be the guy I could talk to when Alex was still annoying. He and I had all kinds of adventures together, and he’d even confide in me about new business ideas or marketing campaigns. I loved being with him. I wasn’t sure of the exact reason we stopped being so close, but I could guess.
Dad took another swig of his second Bud Light of the day, and I turned to Mildred Cage on the screen, our one and only female news reporter, who had an unusually serious face.
Her words left my breath stuck in my throat, and a wave of dizziness sweeping through me. “The mother of Justin Ferris is gravely concerned as he has been missing for three days. He was last seen Wednesday night at his home in Ann Arbor, Michigan. According to his coworkers, he did not show up for work on Thursday morning, and nobody has been able to get ahold of him since then. Justin Ferris is Caucasian, 6’2”, medium build, with brown hair and green eyes. He was last seen wearing a brown leather jacket and dark jeans with a rip on the left knee. Anyone with information on his whereabouts should contact the authorities.”
Justin’s senior picture flashed onto the screen, a phone number scrolling underneath. I had that very picture in my room. I stared at his white smile and tanned skin, starting to feel sick. I glanced at Dad beside me, and he sat frozen in his seat, too. I felt a sudden rush of affection toward him; he’d always hated Justin, so the shock on his face must have been out of sympathy for me.
“What’s going on?” Lauren stepped into the living room with half of a croissant stuffed in her mouth. “Wait. Is that Tin-Tin?”
I hated it when she called him that.
“He’s missing? I guess it’s a good thing he broke up with you, Paige. Imagine his girlfriend now. She’s probably going crazy.”
I needed to be alone and calm down before I started hyperventilating. Dad continued to stare at the screen, where Justin’s mom was answering questions. I couldn’t hear what she was saying. Memories of Justin came flooding back into my mind, memories I’d worked so hard to forget.
A car door slammed outside, and Mom ran down the stairs. “They’re here!”
Lauren rolled her eyes and followed her to the door. “Come on. Alex is here.”
I stood to follow, but my enthusiasm had vanished as quickly as the warmth in the foyer evaporated when mom flung the door open, letting the winter air rush in.

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