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Cries of Mercy

By Angela Beach Silverthorne

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Chapter 1 Cries of Mercy

“In that moment, it was as if the fabric of time ripped, exposing a dense feeling of dread—not for the present, but for the future.” ~ Bren Parrot LeMaire, Cries of Grace

Joseph’s silhouette faced away from her as he stood near the bedroom’s large picture window. Bren watched, mesmerized, still not believing Joseph was her husband. Her mind journeyed back to their first meeting and whirlwind courtship. She had been unprepared for the ecstasy and sweetness that consumed them on their wedding night. She shuddered, remembering the feel of steam rising from her body as he rolled over.

As the first signs of light crested over the mountains, Joseph’s naked body glistened. The strange thirst of longing she had felt the night before filled her and she sighed. Bren turned onto her side and patted the empty space beside her, “Come back to bed. I miss you.”

At the sound of her voice he turned his head, giving her a full smile.
“You know you’re not a holy man anymore,” Bren teased.

Shaking his head, he began a slow walk back. “No, now I’m a complete holy man.”


Bren looked up from her journal. She had written this particular entry in third person. Looking back, she wasn’t sure why. At the time, maybe it didn’t feel like the experience belonged to her or she was worthy to be that happy. Maybe it was still the lingering fear that none of it was real, and she’d wake up to find it had all been a dream.

Closing her eyes, she traversed through wedding and honeymoon memories. One blessing after another filled her with gratitude. There was so much love flowing around them. Family, friends, and almost total strangers came together to give Bren and her mother a wedding they could have never imagined. God answered two women’s cries to heal their wounds and give them two faithful men who loved and cherished them.

Opening her eyes, she looked up at the beautiful stained-glass window in her bedroom, the one Joseph had made, and realized again just how gracious God had been to her. Thinking back over twelve years, Bren saw God’s hand guiding her from a life of suffering, anger, and heartbreak to a place of healing and newfound faith. Getting the opportunity to live at The Haven and learn about truth and faith from her grandmother, GG, began Bren’s transformation. Joseph’s
entry into her life validated all GG had taught Bren by saying, “You are a beloved child of God.” God never abandoned her. The evidence was staggering.
Pulling her gray sweater tighter around her shoulders, she could still smell Joseph’s aftershave lotion from a morning hug. A warm feeling swept over her, reminding her of Joseph’s arms and lips, and the way he offered himself to her in countless ways. She never felt less than completely his.

Without thinking, she flipped over a few more pages in her journal and stopped when she saw the entry dated October 10, 1993. Tears spilled down her face, and her breath came in sharp rasps. Instinctively, her hand slid down to her abdomen. An empty womb. Bren began to sway side to side, reliving the brief joy of finding out she was pregnant and then the devastation of a miscarriage. Bren and Joseph held the small fetus in their hands and prayed for God to watch over their son and heal their hearts. Jedrek Aaron was buried in Lavender Field near Bren’s grandparents, GG and Ji Parrot.

Still shaking, her fingers found the entry dated December 15, 1994. Their second son, Eric James, lived five days, dying two days before Bren’s twenty-fifth birthday. Joseph carried Bren in his arms from the Prayer Shed to Lavender Field to bury Eric, and Joseph stayed by her side for days as she lay unresponsive. Bren remembered wanting to die, the chokehold of grief strangling her. She couldn’t swallow food or talk. She just wanted to go to Heaven to be with her sons and to exist where there was no more heartache.

During those dark days, it was Moses and Miriam who came and nursed Bren and Joseph back to God’s reality about loss and mourning. Every night they sat with them and read sections from GG’s and Ji’s journals. Bren’s grandparents’ faith and perseverance during the hardest losses of their lives, the death of four sons, brought Joseph and Bren back to God’s promises and provisions.

Bren recalled the love showered over them. Moses. Miriam. Linda. Jake. Immanuel. Juanita. Their church family. The community. Everyone found ways to bring sunlight and warmth back into their lives. The support prepared them for their third loss, a full-term, stillborn baby boy, Caleb Joshua, born on March 8, 1996. The suffering was horrible, but love bathed them back to wholeness again.
The weight of remembrance left her numb, but she picked up her pen and began a new entry.

January 10, 1999

Dear Heavenly Father,
My heart hurts from loss. How many times have I come to you with this? Each time I give You my loved ones, I want to go home with them. And yet, I know, until my appointed time to die, that I never want to leave Joseph or the family that has loved and supported us through every heartache and disappointment. I’m learning to honor You by leaning on You through every trial and suffering here on Earth. I’ve gone through several heart-wrenching journal entries, but I know I could read many, many more that show Your continual divine love for me and my family. It is good that we remember these things, Father. Your blessings have poured over us even in our darkest hours.

I still pray for a child, Father. My arms ache, and sometimes the emptiness is overwhelming. Every child I delivered and placed in their mother’s arms, I had to pause and take deep breaths for fear I’d burst out in tears or not honor the precious life You’d given to someone else.

Lord, I don’t know the future, but I know Your plans are to prosper, not to harm me, and to give me hope. Joseph’s most powerful sermon was on abiding in You. He lives that message every day. Watching him gives me the courage to stay strong in my faith, knowing I am loved and cherished. Thank you, Lord, for loving me even when I momentarily resort to old behaviors, asking every why I can think of. I am stronger today because I have stood in faith and trusted in You, my Savior.”

Your child,
Bren

“Hey, what are you doing, my love?”

Bren smiled. Joseph always had a sixth sense when it came to her, showing up just when she needed him.

“I was writing in my journal,” she spoke softly, almost giving way to the overpowering feeling that quickly enveloped her. “I need a hug.”

Joseph crossed the room and knelt beside her, taking her into his arms. “I needed a hug, too.” Whispering in her ear, he added, “I’m hungry. How about some lunch? I could make omelets.”

Bren pushed him playfully away and snickered. “You always know how to make me smile. Yes, lunch would be wonderful, but I have an idea. Let’s pack a lunch and ride over to New Beginnings. I haven’t been out there in a while. I’d like to see what’s happening at the school.”

Joseph stood up, declaring, “Perfect idea. I’ll head to the kitchen and throw some food together. On the way home, let’s check on Moses. Miriam’s shopping with your mom today. I bet he’s lonely.”

“Or he’s glad to be alone!” Bren laughed. “Absolutely! Let’s swing by. I’ve been so busy at work I feel I’ve neglected him.”

Bren could not believe how much had been done on the school, New Beginnings Christian Academy. The view of the valley had completely changed from the first time Joseph took her there. From her viewpoint, the area resembled a small village, a chapel in the center and outlying buildings around it.

“I can’t believe how much has changed,” Bren stated. “The chapel reminds me of the Prayer Shed at The Haven, only larger. How are the services going? How is Samuel doing as pastor?”

“Every time I come here, I stand on this crest amazed.” Joseph raised his hand to shield his eyes and scanned the property. “When Creed and Moses got involved with this project, there was no stopping them. There’s no doubt Moses has enjoyed spending that man’s money! I have to say building the chapel first was a consensus among all of us. We remembered you saying we needed to bless the grounds with a chapel before building a school. You were right. Once the chapel opened up, families started to come. Many of those families have worked long hours to prepare the grounds for the initial building and now expansion. I think Pastor Samuel has been a huge reason the school is where it is today. Pastoring the chapel and taking on the site supervisor position has been very demanding. And his wife, Rachel, is an excellent teacher—quiet but very loving with the children. They’ve been a huge asset to us.”

Bren snickered. “I still can’t believe how God led Rachel and Samuel to us. The first time I met Rachel, I wasn’t sure about her. She seemed like she was hiding something. Then I got involved with her pregnancy and miscarriage. Back then everything spooked me. I seriously thought all new people were villainous suspects. That’s been a major job for God. He’s had to work hard on me. He replaced all the suspicion I harbored with love, especially for those two. What would I have done without Rachel when our sons died?”

“Not to mention they’re Lightens. I’m still in shock. God led them here, not for us, but for the community, for service, and for our children.” Joseph paused before continuing. “I’m sorry, my love. But I believe with all my heart that we will have children. When I pray about it, I get an instant feeling of peace and contentment.”

“I know, and I don’t know. All I can do is pray and trust God to provide in His timing. Right?” Bren trailed off at the end of the question, waiting for Joseph to confirm her edging doubt.

“God will provide. We have many children who depend on us. Gabriella would live with us! Then there’s Antonio who will be a senior this year. I’m still wondering how he grew up so fast. He’s like a son to me. I love that boy. Manuel is also a fine young man, but he’s more interested in girls than school. Immanuel has asked Moses to talk to Manuel. I hope to be in on that discussion!” Joseph chuckled.

“What’s going on with Marcus?”

Joseph stopped and stared ahead, seeming lost in thought. After a huge sigh, Joseph stated, “Marcus follows Laurent like a sheep. Problem is that I’m beginning to see a different side of Laurent, so I’m concerned about Marcus. I haven’t mentioned this, but I was relieved when Laurent and Mia moved out of the garage apartment a couple of years ago. I never could put my finger on it, but our relationship got strained. They quit coming to church. And then he started picking up odd jobs, saying he didn’t have time to help at church or around The Haven.”

Joseph paused. “I rarely hear from him since he and Mia moved out of the apartment. I think he likes the work he’s doing over in the next county. Every once and a while I see him at one of the revival meetings. He sits with a group of guys in the back. Sometimes he comes up and greets me, lends a little info about what’s going on, but never mentions Mia. Not sure about that situation either. I could never figure out those two. But most of the time when I see Laurent, he just throws his hand up as he’s leaving.”

“You know I never cared for those two,” Bren announced. “Never could put my guard down around them. I was relieved when they left town. Now, let’s get back to the beautiful work before us. Praise God the security work on The Haven is finished. It would be a giant ordeal to have two major projects going on,” Bren stated and then continued her questioning. “I see the land to the left of the chapel has also been cleared and two areas staked off. What will go there?”

“A middle school and gymnasium. Right now, I’m slowing down construction until the school year ends. We have more student applications than we can accommodate. We even have applications on file for middle schoolers, and we haven’t even begun the building. We’re struggling to fill open positions for teachers, teacher assistants, kitchen help, and someone to manage the gymnasium. There’s a lot of regulation and paperwork. Praise God, Creed hired an assistant to manage all that. Creed is pushing for the last building to open by the Fall, but I’m trying to be prudent with God’s money and timeframe.”

“I think Creed’s got more money than he knows what to do with.” Bren laughed.

“No sooner than he married Brixhiana, he started building a large home for them and a smaller one right beside theirs for Jennybelle and Mila. I know that’s one proud Mama and sister. The family is all together. They’ve got the twins and a new baby to keep them busy. Jennybelle is in her heyday! I couldn’t be more thrilled for all of them. I love that family. Brixhiana is good for Creed. He’s finally settled down and loving it.”

“I thank God Creed’s here. We prayed for him to come back home and help the community.” Joseph stopped, panning the property before continuing. “God sent Creed back for more than New Beginnings. He’s had a huge impact on the crackdown of drug importation and crime in our county. Within the past three years, Silverton has seen a radical change. Skip says he’s working overtime, back on the street team, to keep up with the criminals. He feels fighting evil draws more out; therefore, you’ve got to fight harder.”

“Maybe our next building project needs to be a larger jail.”

Bren’s snarky remark caught Joseph off guard. He turned a quizzical look her way. “Build a jail? No. That won’t solve the problem. Only Jesus can change a criminal’s heart. We need more people out ministering to the unchurched. We need to show these men and women that God has a purpose for their lives that’s much greater than what they’re doing now. They’re lost. We need to help them realize their potential.”

Stopping himself, he smiled, “Let’s go walk the property.”

“Hey, I’m sorry about the jail comment. The women I serve are feeling the pain of the increased drug trafficking and crime. Their boyfriends, husbands, friends, and family members are constantly being picked up and often put in jail. It leaves the women alone, often without income to manage children and home. My heart breaks for them and the little ones who are the brunt of people’s bad choices. You’re right. A bigger jail won’t help, but rehabilitation will.”

“I agree,” Joseph began. “First we’ve got to stop the people who are bringing drugs into our county and poisoning the minds of our young men and women. We’ve got to educate and help them. Rehabilitation is key.” Joseph stopped, a contemplative look crossing his face.

Bren pulled Joseph’s hand as she sat down on the ground. “What’s going on?”
“Do you remember the revival tent meeting I spoke at in Canton a few weeks ago? Well… I’ve been asked to be the guest speaker at a large church in Raleigh during one of their Sunday morning services. I’m one of many speakers they’ve asked to preach at their church over the last few years. It could open up more opportunities for me to join other evangelists in spreading the word of Christ. I haven’t talked to Immanuel yet, but I’m hoping he can cover our church service for me that day.”

Gauging her words, Bren paused to select each one without reprisal. All she could think about was her grandfather, Ji, and the horror he encountered doing the very same thing. “Oh, my precious Joseph, I know you have a heart for God. Every day I witness your passion to spread the Word. You want everyone to have the opportunity to know God the way you do. God will protect you if it’s His Will that takes you on this journey.”

Bren’s words hurled back on her, slamming full force. The agony of understanding the potential danger to Joseph left her breathless and unable to continue. She felt this one event might be the vehicle for many more to come, which meant more exposure, more danger.

Joseph reacted by pulling her hands into his, lifting the tips of her fingers to his lips. He understood her agony. “Bren, there’s a great darkness brewing. Accepting the role to minister to unbelievers or strengthen believers is God ordained. There’s always a risk.”

Pausing, Joseph slowed his delivery. “This has nothing to do with my being in danger. It’s about what I believe. I’m not afraid. God needs me on the battlefield, front and center. He’ll protect me. This is my calling.”

The world silenced. The void lengthened, stretching to another world for answers. Bren felt a desperate, locked-in unsettling of her spirit. Desperation and fear gripped her mind, refusing aid from scripture or the truth. Shaking violently against a January cold, sharp wind, Bren cried out, pulling her hands from Joseph’s to grip his shoulders. “Please don’t do this, Joseph. If something happens to you, I don’t want to live. I cannot go through another loss. Please, Joseph, please don’t do this! Silverton is full of derelicts. Go out and save them all. There’s plenty of darkness and evil right here.”

Joseph put his arms around her waist and drew her close, causing Bren to loosen her grip and wrap her arms tightly around his neck. “My love, you’re my earthly joy, my everything. There’s nothing I would not do for you. Nothing. Serving God is not about us. It’s about others. You shed your light on women who need you during their pregnancies and beyond. This is God’s gift to you so that others can draw from your faith. My fervor is to spread love and light to all God’s people.”

Bren clung tighter. “Why do we always have to live for others? What about us, Joseph?”

He lovingly untangled her arms from his neck and held her close, but far enough away to center his eyes on hers. “God has high expectations for His followers. We cannot turn a blind eye to evil or those floundering in their belief. We are God’s angels on Earth, His missionaries, the ones He sends into the throes of human mess, heartbreak, and brokenness with a message of hope. God designed us for this purpose, Bren. We cannot deny who we are or who we are in Christ. We are truth bearers to a world that knows very little about truth. All the lies they’ve embraced are killing them, Bren. It’s killing everyone around them. It’s robbing them of who they were meant to be. Think of that baby you hold in your hands right after God breathes life into it. Lies will kill that baby. The programs you, Bryan, and Wanda have in place assure those babies a chance to a fuller life. That’s our life, Bren. Wouldn’t you rather them hear the truth, even when it hurts, than a lie that caresses them with words they want to hear? Words that will ensnare them in a death trap?”

Sitting up straight, Bren pulled in her bottom lip and took a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh. “I don’t like it when you’re always right.”

Joseph hugged her tight. When he sat back, his eyes were rimmed in red. “We’ve been through some difficult times. Times when our hope dwindled and we had to lean hard on God and one another. This is one of those times when we have to forget all the whys and all the what-ifs. We have to grab hold of God with every ounce of our being and believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is taking us to fertile, safe ground for His glory. We have to do this, Bren. God deserves our best.”

Bren looked out over New Beginnings. There was so much promise here. Seven years prior, they stood on these grounds, leaving their burdens behind in order to move forward to serve God’s people and one another more fully. Love brought all this together. The children had a place to learn about God and leave school, taking a message of hope home and into their neighborhoods. In her soul, Bren felt the heat of knowing, the light of glimpsing into the future. It was GG’s war cry.

Bren closed her eyes, “Lord, I say yes to Your will.” Bren lifted her voice with intense conviction. “When the Spirit speaks to me, with my whole heart I’ll agree, and I’ll say yes, Lord, yes! Father, keep these words in my mouth. I am weak.”

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