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Peace

By Carol Cannon

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ixie wiped the flour from her hands onto her apron before brushing the stray hair out of her eyes. She had just finished mixing a batch of bread dough. Some people might think it was strange to be making bread at three o’clock in the morning, but it had become a regular part of Dixie’s night life. She’d been awakened yet again by worries that invaded her dreams. Once she was awake, she’d found it impossible to fall back asleep. Her mother had called it “busy brain,” when random thoughts begin to swirl around in your mind and returning to a restful night’s sleep becomes impossible.

Dixie had tossed and turned trying to escape the nagging thoughts and had finally given up on trying to go back to sleep, deciding her time would be better spent making her special cinnamon and raisin bread for her family, especially her granddaughters. She depended upon the distraction of mixing, kneading, braiding, and baking her special bread to help her find a little peace of mind.

Baking bread had become her “thing” since she’d broken her hand in three places when the chair she was standing on to put up the last strip of wallpaper in her first apartment had flipped. She’d reached out with her hand to stop her fall, which hadn’t worked out the way she’d thought it would. As part of her physical therapy to strengthen the muscles in her hand, the therapist had suggested she might try kneading bread. Dixie discovered that she enjoyed the whole process of preparing homemade bread. Over the years, she developed a variety of her own secret recipes for homemade bread that she’d only shared with two people– her sister and daughter.

The batch she was making now, cinnamon and raisin bread, was her three granddaughters’–Kaiden, age 9; Alexa, age 7; and Rae, age 3–favorite. They called it “Nonnie Bread.” “Nonnie” was the name that Kaiden had given her when she found it hard to say “Nana.” Even though Dixie had tried at first to get Kaiden to say “Nana,” she now loved her special “Nonnie” name. She would take them a warm loaf as soon as it came out of the oven, so they could have a special treat for breakfast.

As Dixie kneaded the dough, her mind left behind the pleasant thoughts of her granddaughters and returned to the worries that had robbed her of another restful night’s sleep.

What is going on with Jason?

For the past couple of weeks, Dixie had noticed that Jason seemed anxious. He hadn’t been his usual, easy-going, lovable self. What concerned Dixie was that he wasn’t willing to talk to her or Hailey about what was going on with him. In the past, whenever he was bothered by anything, either they’d talk it out or he’d go to his big sister. This time he’d done neither.

Dixie smiled remembering how Jason was the child that she’d been told by her doctor would be impossible to conceive after the difficult birth of their first child. Hailey was nine years old when Dixie and Alex dropped her off at her Aunt Scarlett’s while they enjoyed a relaxing weekend at St. Simon’s Island. It had only been a few weeks after that weekend when flu-like symptoms sent Dixie to the doctor hoping to get some relief. It was during that appointment that she’d learned that the improbability of having another child was now most probable.

Alex had been ecstatic when Dixie shared her news that there would be another child. To say that Dixie had been upset at the prospect of having another child would have been an understatement. Dixie had been devastated. A baby hadn’t been what she’d envisioned she would be dealing with as she headed into her forties. Dixie’s mother had proclaimed it to be a true miracle from God. Dixie hadn’t been sure about that, but the minute she held her newborn son in her arms for the very first time, she’d fallen hopelessly in love. Those big blue eyes of his had looked back at her as if he had always known she was going to be his mother. She couldn’t put into words what his look had meant to her, but from that moment on, Jason had her heart.

Jason had not only captured Dixie’s heart, but he also had his big sister’s heart. The day they brought Jason home, Hailey claimed him as hers. She was beyond thrilled to have a brother and wanted to take him with her wherever she went. Dixie had half-heartedly set up a nursery for their second child using the crib that Alex had made for Hailey, but each time she put Jason down in the crib he cried until Dixie picked him up. She’d rock him, then gently lay him back in the crib, but before she’d gotten to the door he’d be crying. The doctor’s advice had been to allow the baby to cry. He assured her that within a few minutes Jason would cry himself to sleep. Dixie had tried to follow the doctor’s advice for several nights, but after an hour of listening to Jason’s nonstop crying, she’d give in and pick him up. His constant crying had left her exhausted and frustrated.

One night after Dixie had put Jason to bed in his crib, he’d started up with his usual crying. She’d gone to Hailey’s room to kiss her good night. She was concerned when she found Hailey’s bed empty. After she and Alex looked everywhere they could think she might be, they checked the baby’s room. There was Hailey with her arms wrapped around her baby brother, both sound asleep. Jason slept through the night with Hailey next to him. After Alex reinforced the crib making sure it would hold both a ten-year-old and a baby, that’s where Hailey insisted on sleeping each night for the next year. Dixie believed Jason’s crib was where Hailey’s love of caring for children had begun.

Dixie gave a deep sigh as she thought about Jason, who was back in that same room which had once held his crib. She wished she could return to those simpler times when problems were so easily solved. Now he was thirty years old and not a baby, which made things a great deal more complicated. Jason was as smart and as talented as his big sister but had never been as determined as her. From the time Hailey was ten years old, she’d told anyone who would listen that she was going to be a “baby doctor,” and that’s exactly what she’d become. When Jason was ten he’d told everyone who would listen that he was going to be Raphael, one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That pretty much summed up the difference between the two siblings.

Jason wasn’t the only concern that was keeping Dixie away from a good night’s sleep. She was also worried about her relationship with Alex, her husband of forty-six years. Alex was a patient man, but since Jason had moved back home it had become obvious that he was losing his patience with the whole situation. He’d always claimed that Dixie spoiled their son. He thought she was wrong when she helped Jason out by loaning him money for whatever he needed until he could get back on his feet. Dixie didn’t see it that way. She felt she was being a supportive parent. But now there was no doubt that the way she was handling this situation with Jason was causing a rift in her marriage. Dixie wasn’t sure what she could do to make it better, but she recognized that something needed to be done and the sooner the better.
Dixie was taking the bread out of the oven when she heard the door to Alex’s bedroom open. She glanced up at the clock. She couldn’t believe it was six o’clock already. She knew that Alex would be pleased to have freshly baked cinnamon and raisin bread for breakfast.

Alex walked into the kitchen that was filled with the aromas of cinnamon and freshly baked bread. “That is one of the best smells in all of this world.” He stopped as he took in the scene before him and added, “Oh, Dixie, have you been up half the night baking again?”

Dixie sheepishly smiled up at him as he came over to plant a kiss on her forehead and squeeze her shoulders. “I know it’s crazy, but I just couldn’t go back to sleep after I had another one of those awful dreams.”

“Another one?” Alex turned her around, so he could look in her face. “You can’t keep this up, Dixie.”

Dixie hurriedly got up to make Alex a cup of coffee. “I know, but you don’t need to worry. I’ll have this all under control soon. How ’bout you slice off a couple pieces of bread while I get your coffee.”

They’d gotten a pod coffeemaker as a Christmas gift from Hailey. Dixie loved how quickly she could make a perfect cup of coffee every time. Alex’s day always started out with having his morning coffee, but Dixie was only an occasional coffee drinker. This morning she got down two cups knowing that she’d need that shot of caffeine to make it through the day.

As Alex cut into the warm loaf, he asked, “Did you have that same dream where you’re driving the school bus with Kaiden, Alexa, and Rae on board and the bridge collapses into the river a hundred feet below?”
Dixie brought the two cups of steaming coffee over to the island and set one down in front of Alex. “No.” She shuddered. “This one was more disturbing than scary.”

“There’s a difference?”

Dixie took a moment to reflect on the dream that had roused her out of a deep sleep. “I think so. Even though much of the dream was jumbled and confusing, it left me with an unsettled feeling, like something bad is about to happen.”
Alex gave a short laugh. “Don’t tell me you believe your dreams are telling the future?”

Dixie shook her head. “I hope not. There’s been enough bad around here lately. I’m not sure I can handle anymore.”

They sat in silence for several minutes drinking their coffee and remembering all the bad that had gone on in the past year and a half. Their good friends Layne and Mark had gone through a bad time with an accident that left Mark in a coma hovering between life and death for several days. To make matters even worse, it was Don, the husband of another close friend, Betty Jo, who’d caused that accident. Thankfully, Mark had fully recovered. Because of the accident, Don had discovered he was a diabetic, and now had his diabetes under control. Then, just when life seemed to be returning to normal, their friend Nona’s life was almost destroyed by her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s girlfriend. Around that same time, Jason quit another job and moved home. That’s why Dixie was tired of bad things happening and was hoping for only good things coming their way.

Alex reached over to give Dixie’s knee a squeeze. “Well, your homemade cinnamon and raisin bread sure isn’t a bad thing.”
He stood up, putting the final bite of bread in his mouth, and took his coffee cup to the sink. “I need to get going. I’m supposed to meet Josh at the jobsite at seven.”

“Would you do me a favor on your way to work?” Dixie asked as she wrapped up a fresh loaf of her cinnamon raisin bread. “Would you drop this off at Hailey’s for the girls to have with their breakfast?”

Alex took the bread. “Sure, but you do know you’re spoiling those girls, right?”

“I know, but that’s the best part of being a grandmother.”
Alex laughed and gave Dixie a kiss on the top of her head before heading out the door.

Dixie watched Alex leave, thinking how thankful she was that their son-in-law Josh worked with Alex. Lately, Alex had given more of the responsibilities of the management of Bradley Contracting Company over to Josh. Alex was getting older and wanted to slow down. Knowing that Josh would be there to take over the company that Alex had built up into a successful business was a good feeling. Her heart felt a twinge of regret when she recalled how Alex’s dream at one time had been to hand over his business to his only son, but, sadly, Jason had never taken much of an interest in the business. Dixie knew that Jason was a disappointment to Alex, but didn’t know what she could do to change that.

When Jason quit this last job, Alex asked him to come to work for him until he found another job. Jason had turned down his father’s offer, giving a detailed explanation of how he couldn’t go on job interviews if he was committed to going to work every day. However, those job interviews that Jason was sure he’d be going on never seemed to materialize. Dixie knew that Alex was getting frustrated with Jason’s situation. She knew it bothered him that Jason was still in bed when he left for work each morning. In a phone conversation that she’d once overheard between Alex and Josh, Alex had remarked that he suspected the only thing his son was committed to was avoiding work.

Dixie picked up her cup and drank the last of her coffee. As she stared into the empty cup, she wished she knew what she could do to make everything better for her family. She set the cup in the sink and began to clean up. It was Tuesday and she needed to get ready for her weekly Skinny Dippers weight-loss meeting. She was looking forward to spending time with her friends.

Once Dixie finished cleaning up the kitchen, it didn’t take her long to get ready for her Skinny Dippers meeting. She had one of those flawless complexions that needed very little makeup, only a little blush and dab of mascara on her pale eyelashes. She never needed to spend much time styling her hair. She could just brush, finger-fluff, and go. She had always been one of those attractive women that other people noticed with her thick auburn hair, emerald-green eyes, and perfect white teeth. Her figure had also garnered her a great deal of attention when she was younger. However, as she’d gotten older, it had become more difficult to keep the pounds off her small five-foot two-inch frame. She was in a perpetual battle with her weight because she loved cooking and eating exceptionally good food. That’s why she needed her Skinny Dippers meetings.

As usual, Dixie was ten minutes early to the meeting. When she was a child, her mother had purposefully made them late for everything. She had delighted in making an entrance with her two polished daughters in tow. Dixie had loathed those late entrances and made a promise to herself that when she was grown she’d always be early.

Dixie climbed the back stairs of the Dream Bean Coffee Shop up to the room where the Skinny Dippers met. Doreen and Patti, the two leaders for their meeting today, were rushing around getting the room ready for the weigh-ins and motivational lecture that always followed. When it was her turn Dixie took off her shoes and stepped up onto the scales. She’d tried to avoid sweets all week and hoped the effort had been worth it. She’d already decided that if she didn’t lose any weight after making such a grand sacrifice, she was going to order two cinnamon twists and hot chocolate with whipped cream downstairs at the coffee shop after the meeting. She stepped off the scales holding her breath as she waited for Doreen to write down her weight on her card. Doreen looked up at Dixie and smiled as she handed back her card.

Dixie let out her breath as she studied the numbers Doreen had recorded on her card. She wanted to jump up and down and shout, but restrained herself. She put on her shoes and walked over to take a seat on the third row. She looked down at her card one more time to make sure she’d read it correctly. She’d lost 2 pounds! That’s the most she’d ever lost in one week. She was so proud of herself that she was considering ordering two chocolate-covered donuts as her reward for a week of sacrifice.

“So, how’d you do?” Layne asked as she sat down next to Dixie.
Dixie jumped at the sound of Layne’s voice.

Layne laughed, reaching out to steady Dixie, “I didn’t mean to scare you!”
“Sorry, I was off in another world.”

“Well, now that you’re back in this one, did your plan of cutting out sweets to lose weight work in your favor?”

“It did!”

“Did what?” Betty Jo asked as she sat down on the other side of Dixie.
“I lost weight. Which is good and bad.”

Betty Jo looked at her confused. “How can losing weight be bad?”

“Because that means that giving up sweets, one of my life’s greatest pleasures,” Dixie explained, “works if you want to lose weight,”
Betty Jo shook her head. “I see what you mean. That is bad.”

“What’s bad?” Nona asked as she hurriedly took her seat on the other side of Layne.

As usual, Nona was late. Patti was just starting what was considered the motivational part of the meeting.

“I’ll tell you all about it after the meeting,” Layne whispered as she turned her attention to Patti.

Dixie, Layne, Betty Jo, and Nona rarely found this part of the meeting inspirational, but they politely listened as Patti explained the ways in which they could avoid the pitfalls of not following a healthy diet. When the meeting was over, the four friends headed down the back stairs to the Dream Bean Coffee Shop, which had the best blueberry muffins and chocolate donuts in the South. The location of the Skinny Dippers meeting had been the main reason the four women joined this particular weight loss group over six years ago. After weighing in, they felt they deserved a little indulgence following a tiresome week of denial.

The four best friends settled into their regular places in their regular booth. Layne’s husband Mark referred to them as the “Fearsome Foursome.” In the past couple of years, with Mark’s near-death accident and Nona being stalked by the obsessed, crazy girlfriend of her soon-to-be-ex-husband, they’d proved that as a foursome, they were fearsome.

By the time the waitress arrived at their table to take their order, Dixie had made the decision that she was going to reward her weight loss with one chocolate-covered donut. Two would be overkill, but one was just right.

Thinking of ordering a donut made Dixie think about cake, which made her think about the engagement party she was hosting along with Betty Jo and Nona for Layne’s son Aaron and his fiancée Saturday night.

After they’d each given their order, Dixie said, “I think we’re pretty well set for the engagement party, but we need to finalize a few things before the big event. Are we still on for our medicure on Friday followed by lunch at The Grill?” “Medicure” was what the women called it when they treated themselves to a pedicure and manicure—because afterwards, they felt better about life. Thus, the name “medicure.”

Layne placed her hand on top of Dixie’s. “Aaron is sure hoping you’re making your special Chocolate Ice Storm Cake for the party. Just thinking about that cake makes my mouth water.”

Dixie laughed. “If that’s the cake Aaron wants, that’s the cake I’ll make.”
Layne smiled at her, “I can’t thank you enough for hosting this party for Aaron and Jenny. They are so excited about it. I think Jenny has driven Aaron crazy deciding what she’s going to wear.”

Dixie patted Layne’s hand. “I’m sure that whatever she wears, she’ll be beautiful.”

Betty Jo leaned forward in her chair. “Well, I can’t wait! I’ve been looking forward to it since we set the date for the party. Don said to tell you he’d bring the flowers over around ten Saturday morning if that’s okay.”

“That’s perfect,” Dixie said. “By the way, do you know if Lily is bringing anyone special with her? I told her she was welcome to bring someone, but I haven’t heard for sure if she was coming solo or not.”

Lily was Betty Jo’s daughter. Dixie had been secretly hoping that Jason and Lily would get together. After all, they’d been such good friends at one time. Maybe tomorrow night would give them the opportunity to rekindle their friendship or maybe become even more than friends.

“She’s coming solo,” Betty Jo said, sounding embarrassed. “I’m sorry she didn’t let you know. She does know better than—”

“Oops!” Layne interrupted. “That’s totally my fault, Betty Jo.”
Turning to Dixie, she went on to explain. “Lily and I were talking the other day and she told me to let you know she was coming alone. I totally forgot to mention it to you.”

Dixie waved her hand. “It’s no problem at all. I’m just thrilled she’s coming.”

Then turning to Nona, Dixie raised an eyebrow and with a sly smile asked, “So, who’s your plus-one going to be for this get-together?”

Dixie had been wondering if Nona would bring Bill, her ex-husband who wanted Nona back in his life, or Monty, her divorce lawyer who seemed to Dixie to be much more than that to Nona. Dixie saw the blush rise on Nona’s cheeks when she looked around to see that they were all staring at her waiting for her response.

“Monty.”

They all sighed with relief. Even though they’d been friends with Bill at one time, none of them had liked the way he’d left Nona for another woman. Then that woman had tried to destroy Nona’s life. Thankfully, she’d been unsuccessful, but not from lack of trying.

Layne seemed to be the only one who had the nerve to express what Dixie had been thinking. “Thank God!”

“So, how is it going with Monty?” Betty Jo asked.

Nona grinned at her. “He sure isn’t the conceited jerk I thought he was. Underneath that arrogant facade of his is a funny, considerate, nice man.”
“Not to mention knock-your-socks-off attractive,” Betty Jo added.

“Well, there is that too,” Nona agreed.

Changing the subject, Dixie asked Nona. “How’s it going with Mr. James?” When Mr. James, Nona’s father, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, she’d sold her house and moved in with him. It’d been a huge adjustment for Nona. All eyes looked once again to Nona, waiting for her answer.

Nona put a smile on her face. “Good, really good.”

“‘Really good’ huh?” Dixie asked looking directly at her.

Nona’s smile left her face. “Okay, the truth is it’s not so good. It’s tough every single day watching my strong, intelligent father disappear before my eyes.”

Dixie turned to give Nona a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

Layne and Betty Jo reached out and took Nona’s hands.

“I hate that you’re having to go through this, Nona.” Layne patted her hand. “Is there anything we can do?”

Nona gave them a grateful look. “You’re doing it right now. Just being here with y’all is the best thing for me.”

At that moment, their waitress arrived at the table with their food. Dixie’s mouth was watering as the waitress set the warm donut with chocolate icing running down the sides and pooling on the plate in front of her. She couldn’t wait for the others to be served. She picked it up, closed her eyes, and took her first bite. It was everything she’d hoped it would be.

“I guess you really have been missing those sweets.” Smiling, Layne watched Dixie devour her donut.

Dixie wiped her mouth with her napkin before answering. “You just don’t know how much I needed this donut. I’ve been up since three o’clock this morning.”
Betty Jo reached out for Dixie’s hand. “Oh, Dixie, not another bad dream.”

Dixie nodded. “I guess I’m worrying so much during the day that those worries become my nightmares at night.” She wrapped her arms around herself as she remembered her dream. “Y’all, this one was so vivid and just plain creepy!”

Layne, Nona, and Betty Jo looked at one another. Nona put her arm around Dixie and asked in a gentle voice, “Do you think it would help to tell us about it?”

Dixie hesitated. “It might, but are you sure y’all want to hear about it?”

“It’s okay, Dixie. I think after all we’ve been through lately, we can handle it,” Layne reassured her.

Dixie took a deep breath and began in a hushed tone, “I dreamed that Alex, Hailey, Jason, and I were at the lake. It was one of those perfect, beautiful summer days, but it was back when the kids were little. Hailey was about thirteen and Jason was three. We were all down at the dock and the kids were running and playing when suddenly Jason just ran off the end of dock into the water. He sank like a stone. For some reason, I was the only one who’d noticed that he’d gone into the water.”

Dixie paused, wondering why she’d been the only one to notice Jason going into the lake. She put the thought out of her mind and continued.
“I dived in after him, swimming straight down to try to catch up with him. I remember him looking up at me, frantically reaching up to me, opening his mouth trying to scream. I could see bubbles coming from his mouth drifting up towards me. I kept swimming downward as fast as I could, trying to grab his hand to pull him up. I remember thinking that if we went any deeper, I wouldn’t be able to make it back up to the surface.”

Dixie vividly remembered this part of the dream when she knew she couldn’t go back up to the surface for air but made the decision to keep going down deeper and deeper.

“I didn’t care through, because I knew I couldn’t let Jason die alone. I kept swimming down, but he was sinking away from me faster than I could swim toward him. I remember watching and feeling helpless as he slipped further and further away from me, the image of him growing blurrier and blurrier in the murky water.”

Dixie looked up at her friends who had been intently listening. “And that’s when I woke up.”

No one spoke for several minutes. It was as if each of them had lived the dream along with Dixie.

Finally, Betty Jo broke the silence. “Well, I can sure see why that dream would have made it hard to fall back to sleep!”

“I felt like I was going down in that lake with you, Dixie!” Layne added breathlessly, putting her hand to her heart.

Nona looked at Dixie and asked with concern, “What’s going on with Jason? What has you so worried that you would dream up such an awful nightmare?”

Dixie thought about her question before answering, “That’s just it. I can’t figure out why I dreamed that. Nothing has changed with Jason.”

“You’re sure nothing else has happened that’s made you amp up your worrying?” Betty Jo asked.

Dixie shook her head. “The only thing I can think of is the situation with Jason is not getting better. It’s not worse, but it’s not any better, and that does worry me.”

“Well then, we’re going to have to double up on our prayers for Jason,” Betty Jo declared with confidence.

Layne agreed. “We can sure do that.”

Dixie smiled, thankful once again for the blessing of her friends’ love and support.

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