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A Light into the Darkness (Twisted Roots)

By Shelly Goodman Wright

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The Deal

My mother hated me.
From my earliest memories, I tried very hard to make her love me. I did anything she asked without question to keep the peace between her and my father. He once told me she didn’t deserve a daughter like me, but to know, no matter what, he loved me, and he would never leave.
But everything changed the night he fell into a coma.
I was seven when it happened over twelve years ago. Since that time, I no longer did things to please her. It was quite the opposite. However, it didn’t stop my mother from getting what she wanted from me. She’d threatened to cut off my father’s lifeline every time I resisted. Since I clung to the hope he’d wake someday, I’d cave. The requests were small at first, like letting her dress me up, having me play a recital for her friends, or pretending we had the best mother-daughter relationship of anyone else. But her last demand was the cruelest yet, and I was determined not to give in without a fight.
Looking at my clock, he was due any minute.
Seth sauntered into the room with his usual “I own you” expression. He didn’t own me, not yet anyway.
Deep inside, I think my mother had something to do with the attack that night, but I couldn’t remember. I think my father knew and if he’d wake, she’d be in jail, and I’d be free from Seth forever.
“Hello?” Seth stared at me, irritated I didn’t acknowledge him.
My scowl and clenched jaw were all he needed to approach the edge of my bed. “Get out of bed and have breakfast with me,now.”
“You could knock when you enter my room. I may not be dressed appropriately.”
Seth’s ice-blue eyes watched me kick off the quilt to reveal the
tattered blue sweats I wore to bed. His disappointed expression gave me a chuckle.
He shook his head before walking over to the bistro table next to the window where I liked to read. “Don’t start with me today.” He snapped his fingers for the maid to enter the room. She brought in a breakfast tray, set it on the table, and hurried out. “I wanted to surprise you.” He tried his fake, prince charming smile on me. If I didn’t know what a snake he really was, I may
have found him attractive. The man was over six feet tall with broad shoulders, a tone body, and when he flashed his perfect smile in any girl’s direction, they’d just about fall over themselves to get close to him. “Some girls would find this very romantic.”
“Big surprise.” I sneered and moved to the edge of the bed where I put on my slippers.
If I hadn’t been so hungry, I would have stayed in bed. Being up very late the night before, sitting at my father’s bedside and making sure to keep his head elevated so the liquid in his lungs wouldn’t drown him, I couldn’t remember the last time I ate.
Sitting at the table, a plain egg white omelet laughed at me.
'Of course, he got the plump bacon-and-cheese omelet. So not fair.'
A sigh escaped while I gazed out the window, trying to ignore the rumblings of my stomach. The promise of another day streaked across the sky with the faint light touching the tips of the ocean waves. They looked more like white shimmering clouds as they rolled onto the shore. It all looked so calm and tranquil,and I wished to be standing on the shore with my feet dug into
the sand, miles away from my prison. Leaving had always been on my mind, but I never really thought of a plan to carry it out.
Besides, I couldn’t leave my father.
'She’d kill him, that’s what she would do if I left. She didn’t care one
bit about his life or mine. She’d sell her soul to the devil to get what she wanted.
I jumped at Seth’s touch, not realizing he had moved behind my chair. His lips grazed the top of my ear as he whispered, “You know what would really make my day better?”
The lava in my stomach boiled. His last request that I refused ended up with me on the floor, sliding across the marble on my knees. Despite the gashes, at least I had gotten in one good slap across his face before he threw me.
“Agree to marry me now willingly. I really dislike using your mother’s tactics of persuasion. I know I’ll make you happy, and soon I’ll have all my father’s money and position.” He licked the backside of my ear, and I could feel the lava moving up into my chest. “You know you belong to me.”
I jolted up from my chair. “I belong to no one.”
Seth grabbed me and spun me around to face him. Red blotches appeared on his cheeks, the blue veins in his forehead pulsed, and his breath felt hot on my face. My eyes closed, ready for whatever was coming next.
'How much longer can I endure his mood swings? Forever? Until my dad is at peace, or until Seth kills me with his bare hands?'
Seth loosened his grip on my arms and slid his hands down my waist. “I bet if I gave the same offer to Rose—” His hands went over my outer thigh and he squeezed me against him.
My eyes popped open, but I didn’t look at him. The words that should have stayed in my head exploded like Krakatau. “Then go find the maid. Better yet, why don’t you marry her? Why do you think I told Mother to hire her in the first place?” I kept my eyes on his black leather shoes. “I know you’ve been with her. She’s told me. I was hoping she’d be pregnant by now, and then you’d
have to marry her."
'Stop talking! If he puts me in the hospital, Mother will pull the life support for sure, and Father’s death will be my fault.'
It wouldn’t matter. Seth’s strong, cold hands went around my throat before I said another word. His thumbs pressed against my vocal cords as he lifted my feet off the ground. I gasped to breathe, thinking this was it, until my feet touched back down, and he released my throat. Gasping to breathe, his hand grabbed the back of my head. “You keep in mind everything I have done for you, your mother, and especially your father. He’d be dead if it wasn’t for me. I can take it all away.” He released me and went to sit back in his chair as though nothing had happened.
Coughing, I rubbed my throat before sitting back at the table. My body felt numb watching Seth straighten his tie before opening the newspaper. It was amazing to me how he could change from one demeanor to another so quickly.
He reached out for the cup filled with coffee and looked at me. “Rose,” he called, lifting the cup to his lips.
The maid entered seconds later. “Yes, sir?” She smiled and batted her fake lashes.
Seth winked. “Miss Jessica requires some water. She seems to be choking.”
They both laughed before she sauntered out the door to fetch the water. I didn’t care if I was the butt of their inside joke as long as the end result was them leaving together. Rose was young, pretty, and naïve. I put it in her head if she could land Seth as a husband, she’d be set for life. However, she wasn’t the first maid to sleep with Seth. Once my mom found out, Seth would get a light lecture, and the maid would be fired. I liked it when he was busy because he’d leave me alone for a while.
I calmed down enough for my body to remind me it wanted food. Although the eggs on my plate looked under cooked, it was better than nothing. I poked at them, debating whether or not to consume.
“Here.” Seth slid his plate in my direction and continued to scan over the news articles. “You’re getting too skinny eating the crap your mother plans for you.”
Just the smell of the sautéed mushrooms and bacon got my mouth to water, but I pushed the plate back in front of Seth. I didn’t want to accept his abstract apology, no matter how hungry I was. He flipped over to the next page. I couldn’t help but stare at his food. My brain kept telling me to take a bite.
“Ha!” Seth slammed the paper down, almost knocking the plate on the floor.
My eyes closed waiting for him to strike me or choke me again, but instead he laughed. Not a normal laugh, but one that made the short hair on the back of my neck tingled. I opened my eyes to see him still looking at the paper.
“That’ll show him for getting into my affairs. Missing? The guy’s not missing. I know exactly where they buried the body.” Seth folded up the paper and looked into my wide eyes. “That’s not the only body missing either.” He flicked the paper with his index finger. “I hope no one else tries to derail my plans. I’ve got people all over the world willing to do as I say. No one can escape me.”
I swallowed hard. “You’ve killed people?”
“Of course not. Soon I’ll be governor, followed by president of the United States. I could never associate with people like that. Let’s just say I have loyal followers who can make problems go away. I’m not responsible for their actions.”
'He’s just trying to scare me. He’s not really had anyone killed.'
Of course I was scared of him, but my mouth had a mind of its own. “Your father is governor, not you. How do you know you’d even get voted in, if your father died?”
“Just a matter of time, my love.” He winked with a sideways smile.
I cringed. I hated when he called me “my love.”
“My father is on his fourth stroke, and he can’t even add two plus two. He has one foot in the grave, and it won’t be long before the state hands over the title to me for filling in these last six months.” His blue eyes twinkled. “At age twenty-six, I will be the youngest governor in history.”
The thought of Seth in office sent chills down my back. “But your father will recover like he has before.”
“He won’t. Not this time.” He wadded a sheet of the newspaper into a ball and tossed it in the trash can next to my bed. “Besides, the people will elect me. Why else do you think I pushed through the recent stimulus? Not because I care about jobs, taxes, or the welfare of California. It was to secure my position. My staff assures me we are moving in the right direction. The recent polls are in my favor.”
Seth’s one ambition was the same as my mother’s. They both wanted ultimate power. They saw the presidency as that ultimate power. My mother never had a son, so she sought out a family whose heritage dripped with political presence and with a son she could manipulate. Although she hated me, she needed me. She needed me to marry Seth so she’d have the son she always wanted. Seth becoming governor was the first step to get what they both wanted.
'Would they really vote him in? Doesn’t anyone see the evil he’s capable of?'
“This is boring. Let’s go back to our first topic, shall we?” Seth glanced at his watch. “Our official engagement is less than six months away. Why your mother said she wouldn’t let you marry until you were twenty-one is beyond me. A year’s engagement seems odd in this day and age, but I agreed to it. Seems like ages already.”
The deal was mine, not my mother’s. Two years ago, the doctors urged my mother to stop the machines, but I couldn’t let her do it. I said I’d agree to marry Seth as long we delayed the wedding until my twenty-first birth year. At the time, it seemed so far away. My gut feeling told me my father would wake before then, and I wouldn’t have to go through with it. I needed another plan.
“Yep, well, she must have her reasons. You are six years older.”
“Ha!” Seth belted. “Your mother hasn’t been much of a mother. I doubt she’s looking out for your well-being. She does have other qualities I admire.” His tongue swept over his lips. “I’ll be proposing publicly, as you already know, and I don’t expect to be turned down.”
The usual outright defiance hadn’t gotten me very far, so I thought about using another tactic. “Seth,” I purred, trying my best to sound sweet and caring. “I don’t deserve someone like you. You could have any girl you want, probably even some Jamaican model who would adore and worship you. I’m just a plain, dull, normal person with no interest in being a governor’s wife or even a president’s wife. Wouldn’t you rather have someone by your side who will help you achieve those things?”
'Yeah, that’s good. Perfect, in fact.'
My little speech only made him smirk. I sighed. “Why me?”
He leaned back in his chair just staring at me. “You don’t know what I see. Your mother says things that aren’t true, and you believe her. You look more like her every year as your body fills out. Your mother makes you think you’re nothing like her, but it’s just not true. In fact, you’re more attractive because you’re a younger version of her.” He chuckled. “That’s probably why she’s so mean to you. Practically twins, except for the darker blonde hair color. Jess, you are beautiful, even if you don’t see it.”
Despite not wanting to listen to him, his words felt nice even if they weren’t true. My mother was beautiful and sought after by many men. However, what he thought wasn’t the point. “Wouldn’t you rather have someone who adores you, who wants to be your wife? Who wants the same things?”
He leaned against the table, looking out at the Palisades Verde cliffs. “You will. Even if it takes years, you’ll see. It’s like training a dog to be obedient.” He glanced down at this watch and grabbed his driving gloves.
I fumed.
'A dog—how dare he!'
My fists came down on the table. “I don’t love you! I’ve never loved you, and I never will. In fact, I hate you, and I hate my mother. I’m not going to wear fancy dresses and go to parties, and I’m not ever going to wear negligees.”
Seth pushed his chair away from the table, smashing it hard against the wall behind him. “You will not disappoint or embarrass me, or you’ll suffer the consequences. You will act exactly how you’ve been told. You’ll wear what I say to wear!” He looked me up and down. “I’ll be burning all the clothes I don’t feel are appropriate attire for my wife, so you’ll have no choice in what you wear!”
I swallowed hard, knowing what he considered appropriate clothing. “I’ll never accept—”
“Oh, but you will accept.” He took in a long breath while he unfolded his fists and looked at his watch again. “I’m late. You might like to know I can be generous. I’m giving away some of Father’s antiques to a charity auction this morning. You’d like it. It’s to help the bastard children.”
I cringed. “You mean the orphans.”
He fiddled with his tie. “See? You’ll be great at that sort of crap. Think of all the good you could do as a First Lady. Maybe I’ll make it as far as the United Nations chairman.” He stopped. His stare felt hot against my face. “Anyway, the press will be there at seven sharp, so I’d better go.” He walked behind my chair and kissed the top of my head as though nothing had happened. “I’ll be back later to finish our discussion. I have a feeling you’ll be a bit more relaxed and agreeable by then.” Seth walked out.
I heard the maid giggle in the hallway, assuring me Seth had a few minutes to spare before heading out.
“Please let her get pregnant,” I mumbled, before inhaling Seth’s omelet.

XXXXXX

The low click-clack of her stilettos woke me.
'Great.'
My mother pushed through my bedroom door. “Sleeping late?” Her voice seared through me like a hot branding iron. “It must be nice to sleep away the morning with nothing important to do. Are you sick?”
“I was up late.” I flipped to my side so I didn’t have to look at her. “Enjoy your time at the spa? Or were you out shopping with money that isn’t yours, putting us further into debt?”
“Yes. I know where you were last night.” Her jaw clicked back and forth. “The liquid is filling up in his lungs again. The doctor is urging me to pull his feeding tube.”
I flung the sheets off me and sat up. “You can’t! You can’t just let him starve to death.”
Her smirk made my body shiver. “Well, that’s completely up to you now, isn’t it?” Once again, she was dangling his life for something she wanted in exchange.
“So what do you want this time? Dinner at the club? Recital for your loser friends? My soul?” I reached for my escape, but my iPod was missing from the nightstand.
My mother’s straight blonde hair hardly moved against her thin face as she tapped her foot against the floor. She struck her acrylic nails against something shinny in the palm of her hand. “We need to talk. Or should I say, you need to listen.” She put my music device in the pocket of her skintight black skirt.
My eyes rolled before I fell back and covered back up with the blankets. Only I kept my eyes on her wondering if she was bluffing. If she wasn’t, I’d have no choice but to agree to whatever her lame request would be.
“Jessica, why does everything have to be so dramatic with you?” She rubbed her temples with her long, bony fingers. “For once, could you just do what’s being asked of you without me having to force you? You should be happy. Do you even know what this means for us?” She sauntered over to the window.
'Oh no, not this, not today. That’s why Seth said I’d be more receptive later.'
“Mother, I—”
“You know, I didn’t want you.” She stared out at the sea. “When I found out you were going to be a girl, I wanted to abort you. Your father threatened to leave me with nothing if I did. He didn’t mind using threats against me to get what he wanted.”
I knew from an early age she had no desire to love me, but knowing she wanted to take my life and my father protected me shed a new perspective. I was fighting for his life just as he had for mine.
“Seth is the son I wanted. He’ll be a powerful leader with me orchestrating his moves as long as you agree to marry him.” Her hand grasped the white lace curtain. “I’ll show them, I’ll show everyone who treated me like trash,” she whispered.
“Show who?”
“Never mind,” she said. “I’ve groomed you for this. Seth will make a good son-in-law, and now you have the opportunity to make me proud. It’s your turn to pay me back for giving you life.”
“But Mother, isn’t—”
Her sharp turn from the window made me stop. “You will marry him. He has gone to great lengths for this family. His father paid off our house, and he provided the very expensive equipment to keep your father alive and pays the doctors’ fees. Do you even know what it costs to have around-the-clock care?”
I shook my head. “I can take care of him. Those doctors don’t do anything for him. I change the bed, I read to him, I exercise his legs—”
“And how are you going to pay for the machines? Pay for food? You hardly step out of this house.”
“I’ll get a job.”
My mother laughed. “No you won’t. You’ll marry Seth. I don’t think you even understand his potential. To have the world at your fingertips, to have anything you ever wanted, to have the respect. No longer will anyone point their finger at me and say, ‘Poor Evelyn.’”
“No one said that.”
“Shut up! Just shut up!” She pulled the curtain rod right out of wall. “I’ll show everyone. I’ll be the most powerful ruler yet. Together, Seth and I will make the world see things my way.” She came at me, throwing the curtain. The rod just missed my cheek. “You will not take this from me.” My mother stood at the foot of my bed, staring at the wall behind me for the longest time. She grinded her teeth before turning to sit at my vanity, combing my sandalwood brush through her hair in long strokes. “Seth is very handsome, just like his father used to be before all the strokes. You should be on your knees thanking me for arranging this union.”
“Mother, I was seven when you met Seth’s parents. You couldn’t have—”
“Yes. Well, be glad I did. Forcing the two of you together like I did was brilliant. Seth fell in love with you, just like he did with any of his possessions.” She kept brushing her hair. “His father helped some, too. Brainwashed his son into thinking you were the catch of the century, and he’d be stupid to let you escape. He was easy to convince you belonged to him.” She laughed, catching my expression on the reflection of the mirror. “You remember how he felt about his things? His toys?”
I couldn’t help but remember. He had just tried to strangle me for refusing to marry him.
“Trust me.” She put on her phony smile. “I’m doing you a favor. You don’t even know what it’s like in the real world. You spend all your time with a dying man in a small room.”
My heart dropped. “Don’t say that. He’s not dying.”
“You need me, Jessica. You couldn’t make it a day without me.”
Besides the things I read in the newspapers, I had little knowledge of the outside world. When time was my own, I’d spend it with my father, either reading to him or just talking to him as though he could hear my woes. Maybe I wouldn’t make it a day, but I’d rather die than live a life of misery.
My mother set the brush down. “You won’t get a better offer.”
I moaned. “I don’t love him. Maybe I’ll never love anyone. After your example, I don’t want to ever marry anyone.”
“You will.”
“I won’t.”
“Of course you will marry. Every woman wants someone to provide for them. I’m just making sure you marry the right man. Then, you’ll have a son who can continue his father’s legacy. Don’t make me force this. I hope you know I don’t want to see your father starve to death.”
'Oh, of course you do. You’ve wanted him dead for years. You have some nerve, lady!'
The discussion was about to get ugly. “Whether I marry or not, I will not have children. No child deserves to be brought into this world, especially if you and Seth are going to ruin it.”
My mother’s lips tightened. The look reminded me of the day my father came home after the attack. The veins on her forehead bulged as she struggled to push the wheelchair over the front door entrance, but she held in her anger. “There is a paper in my other pocket. All I have to do is sign my signature, and it’s all over.”
“But—”
“The doctor is already in his room, I could just text.” She paused, calmly watching my face turn red.
“Fine! You win!” I sucked in my bottom lip to chew.
“You’ll thank me one day. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for your best interest.” She turned her back to me and put her hand on the brass doorknob. “It’s a mother’s love that will do whatever it takes to see their child happy, even when they don’t appreciate it.”
'Who does she think she’s talking to?'
Seeing me unmoved by her words, her gloat of victory disappeared. She left the room, shutting the door behind her, only I didn’t hear the sound of her heels against the floor. She was waiting to hear me break down. I kept quiet until the click-clack of her shoes faded into another part of the grand house.
Even if I didn’t give her the gratification of tears, she had won, nevertheless.
I sat there for a long time just staring at the door before slipping on my robe and heading to my father’s room. None of the doctors or nurses were in there. She might have been bluffing about his condition getting worse, but I hadn’t known for sure. “Hi, Dad.” I crossed the room to the only window, opening the shades. “I’m sorry I haven’t come by before now.”
The sun had dipped down into the kaleidoscope of colors. I felt badly for depriving him from feeling the sunlight on his face. I turned around and leaned against the window ledge. The scenic pictures I had torn out of a calendar and tacked up around the room were missing.
'How dare she throw them away, again.'
“Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll find them. I always do.” I pushed off the window ledge to walk over to the trash bin next to the bed, but they weren’t there. I looked around the hospital-like room, but there was no sign of the photos. My eyes followed the wires and tubes wrapped around the bar of the bed to the life-support machine. “Sorry, Dad. I guess this time she really did—” I gasped.
Stacks of photos lay under his left hand, pressed against his chest. The absence of the normal hum and beeping sounds of the machines sent a chill through me.
“Is he?” Seth’s voice came from somewhere behind me.
“Please. Not now, Seth.” I walked to the chair and sat next to my father’s bed, taking his ice-cold hand into mine. The door click shut before I spoke. “It won’t be long before he brings her.” I stroked the inside of his palm. “What am I going to do without you?” I cried, tasting the salty tears on my lips. “You were my only hope for escaping this place. I can’t do it alone. I’m…I’m afraid if I leave, Seth will find me. I’m not strong enough to go out alone.” I sobbed harder, clenching his hand in mine. “Daddy, Daddy, please don’t leave me here.”
I felt rotten, selfish for crying for myself. I was envious of his death and wished it were me. I brought his hand up to wipe the tears on my cheeks and tried to remember what it was like before he was hurt, specifically the stories he’d read to me about kings, queens, princes, princesses, and happily ever after. “Tell me one last story, Daddy, like when I was little. Tell me there is a fairy-tale ending for me. Tell me you’re in a better place now and you’re happy. Send me a sign—any kind of sign. Tell me what to do.”
The clack of my mother’s shoes moved down the hall. She entered with the doctor at her side. He lingered at the doorway while my mother enjoyed her moment. “I’ve sent Seth home for now. There are many things to be done in the next few days, so go to your room and let the doctor attend to the body,” she said and waved the doctor in.
'That’s all he was to her—a body. I hate you. I hope you get what you deserve someday, and I hope I’m the one to give it to you.'
I got up to leave and passed the doctor in the doorway.
“Oh, and Jessica?” I paused, staring at the door with my hand on the doorknob. “Remember, you gave me your word.”
Although I felt numb, the little voice in my head was right.
'Don’t let on. They’ll watch me like a hawk. They want me to be scared to keep me here. I’ll act scared while I plan the escape. I have to leave. I have to take a chance or suffer in this prison for the rest of my life.'
“My word,” I said as an unexpected smile formed on my face.

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