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This Time with Love

By Kimberly Rae Jordan

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CHAPTER ONE

ERIC McKinley slumped into the cavernous easy chair near a large glass window, the low murmur of conversation swirling around him. With his head resting on the back of the chair, he stared out at the snow-covered landscape, the absence of trees being the only indication of where the lake lay. Even though it was just past five o’clock, the colors of nature were easing into shades of gray as twilight descended. Daylight didn’t hang around too long in the midst of winter in Minnesota. Unfortunately, the dreary world beyond the window did nothing to lighten his mood.

“What’s up, man?”

Eric looked away from the window to see his best friend, Trent Hause, settle into the chair across from him. Trent was a reformed hacker who now headed up the virtual security division of BlackThorpe Security while Eric worked in the corporate division. Given the six year age gap between them, they were an unlikely pair, but their friendship worked for them.

Trent pulled off the bright red ski cap he’d been wearing. His brown hair stood on end, but he didn’t bother to try to tame it. “Where’s Mel?”

Just the question Eric didn’t want to have to answer at that moment. He gave one version of the truth. “She ended up having to work.”

Trent shook his head. “That’s the problem with being in a profession that works twenty-four seven. Is she going to make it at all?”

“Doubt it.” Eric stared out the window again.

When his foot was jostled, he looked back at Trent.

“Is Mel not being here what has you so bummed? This isn’t like you.”

“That and the fact that she broke up with me.” The words slipped out before Eric could stop them.

Trent gave a low whistle as his eyebrows shot up. “She broke up with you? Good gravy, man, what’s up with that?”

Eric lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “I haven’t a clue.”

“She didn’t give you a reason?” Trent leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. “That doesn’t sound like Mel.”

“She gave a reason.” Eric rubbed a hand across his forehead. “Something about us not connecting like she wanted. I know we’ve both been busy, but she wasn’t interested in trying to work it out apparently.”

“And she won’t even meet to talk it over with you?”

“Oh, she will. We agreed to get together when I get back to the city, but she made it pretty clear it was only to give a definite end to things, not to try to patch things up.”

Trent flopped back into the chair with a huff. “Wow, that’s kind of a downer way to start the New Year.”

Eric arched a brow at his friend. “You think?”

They sat without speaking for a couple of minutes before Trent said, “Are you going to stick around?”

“I guess. Not much to do at home since I cleared my schedule to be here.”

“And maybe you’ll meet someone interesting.”

Eric shot Trent an exasperated look. “My girlfriend just dumped me, man. I’m not looking for someone interesting. Something tells me I should take this weekend to figure out what on earth is wrong with me.”

Trent gave him a lopsided grin. “Can I start the list?”

Eric kicked Trent’s boot. “You’ve stuck with me longer than most of my girlfriends, so I think I must be doing something right in the friend arena. My trouble seems to come from being a boyfriend.”

“Well, from what I hear from the ladies, it’s not your looks, so it must be a personality defect.”

“A personality defect.” Eric couldn’t help but laugh. If nothing else, he could always count on Trent to lift his spirits. “That’s a good one.”

“What have your other girlfriends said? Is there a consistent theme in the excuses they give when they dump you?”

Eric winced. He didn’t really want to be reminded of just how often he’d been dumped in the past five years. Was he really that bad a guy? Since he’d recommitted himself to Christ, he liked to think that he’d improved remarkably, but clearly there was something wrong somewhere. A defect, to use Trent’s term.

“They’ve given a variety of reasons. We’re not right for each other. I travel too much. I’m not letting them get close. I hold myself apart from them.”
Trent’s brow crinkled. “Too bad women don’t come with a handbook. Would help immensely.”

Eric agreed one hundred percent with his friend. Trying to make sense of the opposite sex gave him a headache. “It’s just a waste of time and energy trying figure out what Melanie means until we can actually talk it over.”

“So you’re going to try to enjoy the weekend in spite of this latest downturn in your social life?” Trent waved his hand toward the room at large. “I think it’s going to be a great retreat. We’ve already got a good crowd here with representation from five different churches.”

Eric let his gaze roam the room. People stood in clusters of three and four throughout the large meeting room of the camp’s main lodge. He recognized a few of the people—the ones who had come from his own church. This was his first time at this particular camp, but he found the décor similar to places he’d been before. Log walls, large windows, old furniture. There was a piano in the corner that looked like it had been made before he was born—maybe even before his dad had been born. From his vantage point, he could see clusters of framed photographs on the wall, but Eric couldn’t tell what they were pictures of. At some point during the weekend he’d take the time to have a look at them.

His gaze snagged on a woman talking with a tall, slender man. There was something familiar about her. Something familiar in the profile of her face, in the tilt of her head. She had long blonde hair that ended about midway down her back. From this distance, it looked like she had a cell phone clutched in her hand, and she was gesturing to the man with it.

The rigid postures on both of them made it pretty clear that the conversation wasn’t an easy-going, friendly one. Eric felt a spark of sympathy for the man. It appeared that he wasn’t the only one having a less than perfect weekend. He wondered if the guy was having as much trouble understanding his woman as Eric was Melanie.

Trent stood up and thumped him on the knee. “I’m going to find out when supper is. I’m starving.”

Eric nodded absently to his friend while keeping his attention on the couple who were still tangled in their intense discussion. In apparent frustration, the woman looked away from her companion, and Eric caught a glimpse of her face.

Recognition slammed into his gut with the force of a sledgehammer.
Of all the places—of all the times—he never dreamed he’d find her like this.


Why couldn’t he just understand?

Staci Moore gripped the phone in her hand, trying her best to keep from stamping her feet. Her frustration with Vince was outweighed only by her frustration at not being able to get hold of Miriam so she could check on Sarah. Was it because he was a man that he didn’t understand her concern? He acted as if she was being completely unreasonable in wanting to make sure her daughter was okay. It had been with a great deal of reluctance that she’d agreed to come on this singles retreat over the New Year. She hadn’t even been here two hours and was already regretting her decision.

“This weekend is not going to be enjoyable at all if you spend the whole time worrying about Sarah. She’s fine.”

Staci swung back around to face Vince. When she saw the boredom on his face, it was all she could do not to walk away, get into her car and leave the camp. She’d hoped that during their time out here, she’d have a chance to get to know Vince better. They’d been on three dates so far, and he’d been the ultimate gentleman with her. Too bad that wasn’t carrying over in his attitude toward Sarah. She didn’t need the rest of the weekend to know that this wasn’t going to work between them.

“Vince, I’m going to keep trying to get hold of Miriam. Maybe it would be better if you just found someone else to hang around with for now.”

“C’mon, Staci, don’t be like that.” He grabbed her arm in a grip that was just a little too tight for her liking. “I’m just trying to get you to relax. If you spend the whole weekend worrying, no one will have a good time.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Staci jerked her arm away. “But this is the first time we’ve been apart. I don’t stop being a mother just because I’m not with her.”

“Fine.” Vince took a step back. “Don’t come looking for me if you get bored.”
Staci shot him an angry look. “Somehow I don’t think you need to be concerned about that.”

As she watched Vince stride away, Staci felt a measure of regret that this first foray into serious dating in over half a decade had gone so poorly. She hadn’t figured that her first dating experience after all these years away from it would end in marriage. However, it would have been nice if it had been a pleasant relationship with someone who respected her—not just as a woman, but as a mother.

Staci turned her phone over to look at the display. It still showed a signal so at least that was a bonus. She wasn’t stuck in the middle of nowhere with no cell service. Now if only Miriam would answer the phone.

The swell of conversation in the room grew as more people joined the crowd already there. Knowing any conversation on the phone would be impossible with the noise, Staci left the main meeting room and headed for the dining room. Though there was some activity there, it wasn’t as loud.

She tapped the screen for the fifth time in the past fifteen minutes. This time the phone rang four times before it finally connected on the other end. Miriam sounded winded when she answered.

The older woman’s breathlessness concerned her. “Is everything okay, Miriam?”

“Everything is great. Sarah wanted a bath, so we’ve been in the bathroom for the past half hour.”

Staci smiled. Yes, her daughter did love the water. Showers were a frequent occurrence, but baths were a special reward. She was glad to hear that Sarah was okay and having a good time.

“I was just concerned because I couldn’t get an answer on the phone.”

“I’m sorry, Staci,” Miriam said, regret clear in her voice. “I forgot to take the phone into the bathroom with me and didn’t want to leave Sarah alone to answer it. You know, with her being smaller and all.”

Staci understood and appreciated Miriam’s concern. “Not a problem. Just glad to hear that all is well. Don’t let Sarah twist you too far around her finger.”

“Oh, my dear, you know that warning comes way too late,” Miriam said with a warm laugh.

Staci felt her heart lighten at Miriam’s words. Not everyone could see past Sarah’s physical differences to the sweet spirit within her. Miriam had absolutely doted on the child since she’d begun attending the same church as Staci three years ago. And as much as Miriam loved Sarah, the little girl adored the woman who had become a surrogate grandmother to her.

“Is Sarah up for a chat?” Staci asked. Bedtime was in about an hour, so Sarah was probably having a snack and watching her favorite show on television.

“Yes, I think she’d like to talk with you.”

Staci could hear murmurs in the background and then Sarah’s sweet voice said, “Hi, Mama.”

Staci swallowed before answering. “How are you doing, baby?”

“Fine. I had a bath.”

“I heard. Are you having fun with Miss Miriam?”

“Oh, yes.” Even without seeing her, Staci could imagine Sarah nodding, her dark brown curls dancing. “We’re having sundaes.”

Staci smiled when she heard Miriam laughing in the background. Yeah, Sarah was working her charm for sure. “Eat a couple of bites for me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll let you get back to your ice cream now. Remember Mama loves you. Be good for Miss Miriam.”

“I will,” Sarah reassured her. “I love you, too.”

“Sleep well, baby.” Staci blinked rapidly, thinking of the precious bedtime routine she’d be missing. “Let me talk to Miss Miriam again, okay?”

“You’re not mad about the ice cream, are you?” Miriam asked when she got back on the phone.

“No. Not at all. You two enjoy yourselves.” Staci paused. “Listen, my cell phone gets service out here and my battery is fully charged, so if you need to get hold of me for any reason—any reason at all—please don’t hesitate to call.”

“I’d tell you not to worry, but I have a feeling you still will, so just remember that God is taking care of us here just like He is you there.”
Staci took comfort in Miriam’s reminder. God had opened the door for her to come to this retreat. She still wasn’t sure why. But she needed to remember that she had been willing to trust in His will—even just this morning—though now her weakness was being preyed upon. Doubts and worries plagued her.

“Thank you for watching her, Miriam. I couldn’t have come up here with anyone else taking care of her.”

“You go and enjoy yourself. Make some new friends and watch for opportunities the Lord might send your way to broaden your horizons and strengthen your faith.”

Staci ended the call feeling much more at peace than she had a few minutes ago. Maybe Vince had been right in cajoling her to lighten up. Perhaps she owed him an apology.

Perhaps…

“Ana?”

The name.

The voice.

The past.

It all came crashing down on her.

Clutching her phone, Staci turned, hoping—praying—it was all in her imagination. Or maybe it was just a dream. She’d wake up in her own bed, her past still safely behind her. But there before her stood the man she’d left six years ago. The one who hadn’t wanted to be a husband or a father. This was not the things dreams were made of. This was her worst nightmare.

What was he doing here? He’d said more than once during their time together that hell would freeze over before he moved back to Minnesota. Last she’d heard, that hadn’t happened. Her alarm at his presence here in Minnesota equaled her shock at running into him at a Christian singles’ retreat.

“Ana? Is that really you?” He stared at her with astonishment that was surely mirrored on her own face.

His dark hair was a little longer than he’d worn it back then but his brown eyes were familiar and it looked like he still enjoyed working out. The jeans and sweater he wore were a little more casual than his previous style but he looked good as ever. Too good.

All Staci could think of was to escape.

“What are you doing here? Where have you been?” He shot the questions at her as he stepped toward her.

It took everything within Staci to not step back, away from him.

He moved closer. “Why did you just disappear?”

Staci could have answered all of his questions with just one sentence, but she wasn’t going to. Six years ago he'd made the decision to not be a permanent part of her life. She owed him no explanations.

She took a quick breath to steady her nerves, drawing on everything she’d ever learned about maintaining her composure. “Eric. What a surprise.”
His dark eyes narrowed, leaving no doubts about his displeasure with her response.

“Eric. What a surprise? That’s all you have to say? It’s been six years since you walked out on me without even a word of goodbye, and that’s all the greeting I get?”

Staci crossed her arms, willing the trembling in her extremities to cease. She could not let him see how much this encounter upset her. The snack she’d eaten in the car on the way up churned in her stomach. Moisture flooded her mouth. Staci had to swallow several times before she could respond. “As I recall, you made it clear that night that there was no future for us. I figured that was our goodbye.”

“I didn’t know that just because I reinforced my position regarding marriage—a position, I might add, you knew about from almost the beginning of our relationship—that you would just walk away from what we had as soon as I left on my business trip.”

Staci swallowed hard, trying to keep from throwing up all over his shoes. She had to be so careful of what she told him. Of what she revealed of that time. “What we had was a relationship I could no longer be part of because I had become a Christian.”

Eric stared at her. “Are you telling me that the last night when we talked you were already a Christian?”

Staci nodded. “I knew I couldn’t continue the relationship as it was. If marriage wasn’t an option then the relationship was over for me.”

It had been so much more than that, but Staci didn’t want to get into a discussion. The more they discussed, the greater the possibility she would say something she didn’t want to. This was a slippery slope she had to get off. Fast.

“The past is the past, Eric. There’s no need for us to dwell on it.” Staci took a step back. “I guess I’ll probably see you around.”

Before Eric could respond, Staci slipped out of the dining room and brushed past people to get to the entrance of the lodge. As she stepped out of the building, she realized she’d forgotten her jacket, but even the cold could not turn her back. She raced over the packed snow on the path leading to the cabins. She heard Eric call her name, but didn’t slow down or stop. Didn’t even glance over her shoulder.

The past had to stay in the past. The taint from her life six years ago must never touch Sarah. She would do what she must to keep that from happening. The woman she’d been back then was gone. And she must never, ever be allowed to return.

Her boots slipped on the snow, and she fell to her knees. Panic swamped her. She couldn’t allow Eric to catch up with her. Staci scrambled to regain her footing. As soon as she was on her feet once again, she bolted for the door of the cabin, and the safety that lay behind it.


Eric stood on the porch of the lodge watching Ana make her mad dash to a cabin off to the left of the main building. His breath caught when she fell, and he started to go after her, but then stopped. He could find her. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know which cabin she disappeared into. Right then, however, he was still trying to come to terms with the fact that after six long years, he had once again come face to face with Miss Anastacia Stapleton.

His breath came in visible puffs in the cold air as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Eric gazed at the cabin where Ana had gone, his mind full of questions. And memories. So many memories.

He’d immediately seen the changes in her. The short and sassy way she’d worn her hair had given way to long blonde strands. Would it still be silky soft if he ran his fingers through it? She didn’t have the waif-like look of six years ago either—the look that had been so popular in the circles in which they moved. If he had to pick one word to describe the changes in her since they’d been apart, he’d pick soft.

Memories he’d tried hard to suppress over the years came rolling through his mind like tumbleweeds in the desert. Seeing her again after so long had set them free once more. He couldn’t ignore them. They just kept right on coming.
The battle with his thoughts raged. He didn’t want to think of their more intimate times together. But they had been together nearly two years, and there was no denying that their physical relationship was really what had held them together. Over the years, he’d come to realize there hadn’t been much substance to what they’d had but that hadn’t stopped him from wanting to find her.

Eric rubbed his forehead, glad for the chill that invaded his body from the cold winter wind.

What was he to do now? No matter what Ana said, things weren’t finished between them. Had it just been his unwillingness to marry her that had sent her away? But why go into hiding? There was no doubt in his mind that she had disappeared with the purpose of never being found by him.

Her agent had blocked him at every turn when he’d come back from his engineering assignment in Africa. Bribing hadn’t even worked. For all intents and purposes, Ana had vanished off the face of the earth. He’d spent a small fortune trying to track her down. He’d given up trying to find her three years ago, and now here she was. At a Christian singles’ retreat. In Minnesota. The very last place he would have ever thought he’d run into her.

Eric gave his head a shake. “Very funny sense of humor you’ve got there, God.”
And it wasn’t helping his ego any to be reminded of his biggest failure in the relationship department on the very same day his latest failure had occurred. Though he had stopped his search for Ana, he’d never had a sense of closure on things with her. He would have that opportunity now, and maybe, while he was at it, he could see if Ana could tell him what it was that made him bad news to the women he dated. After all, she was the woman who had stuck with him the longest. If anyone could point out his defect, it would be her.

He supposed that his break-up with Melanie now had an upside—he could focus his attention on Ana without feeling like he was neglecting Mel. Eric also felt certain there was more to Ana’s need to disappear than she was letting on, and he had every intention of finding out what it was.

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