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An Unforgivable Secret (Amish Secrets #1)

By J. E. B. Spredemann

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Prologue
It is a secret I intend to keep buried forever. But like all secrets, it begs to be told. Nobody knows. Only me. And if I had my way, not even I would know. The secret is powerful. It has the potential to destroy my life. On the other hand, if revealed, could it possibly bring a sense of peace to my soul? But I will never tell a soul. Ever.



Chapter 1
Exhausted, Hannah Stolzfus clambered down from the buggy. Dat met her at the barn and led Winnie to the water trough. “Another busy day at the candle shop?” Dat’s bushy eyebrows rose.
“Jah, Dat. Lots of Englischers today. I guess the kinner are out of school now that it’s summertime and it seems lots of folks are visiting Lancaster on their vacations this year,” Hannah said.
“It wonders me why the Englisch find our ways so interesting.” Silas Stolzfus stroked his beard with his thumb and forefinger.
“I think maybe they want to be like us. I saw another new book at Yoder’s Market yesterday. It had a woman on the cover with a kapp, but the hair was all wrong. Looked pretty funny to me. Ach, I can’t imagine what Mamm would say if I cut my hair short across the front like the Englisch.”
“If they want to be like us, why don’t they give up their fancy cars and their electric?” Dat added, “Nee, I’m afraid it would be difficult giving up something you’ve known your whole life. I, for one, would not want to give up my farm.”
“That’s because you are a gut farmer and a gut steward of the land Gott has given you.”
“Demut, Hannah. It is only by the strength Der Herr gives me that I can work this land.” Dat leaned over and placed a hand on Hannah’s forearm. “You are a gut daughter, and wise to think such things.”
“If I am wise it is only because of what you and Mamm have taught me,” Hannah deflected with a smile before making her way toward the back door of the house.
Silas released a contented sigh and grinned as he watched Hannah enter the house. Out of all four of his daughters, she was certainly the most well-grounded and levelheaded. His youngest daughter, on the other hand, was quite a different story. He knew how often Deborah sneaked out of the house at night but was glad that she often roped Hannah into going with her. He got the feeling Hannah only went to keep her sister from dabbling in too much mischief.
<><><>
“Hannah,” Deborah whispered, shaking her sister’s shoulder. “Hannah, wake up.”
Groggily, Hannah turned over on her side. “What is it, Deborah?” Hannah groaned.
“Leah can’t go with me tonight. You have to come. I told Peter I would meet him at the movie theater. Leah’s beau canceled and now she doesn’t want to go,” Deborah said pouting.
“I’m tired, Deb. We had customers non-stop today and I barely had enough time to complete my chores before bed,” Hannah reasoned.
Deborah rolled her eyes. “Hannah, you’re eighteen years old and you’re acting like Mammi.”
“I am not,” Hannah snapped back. “And if you had a mind to get yourself a job, you might find yourself a little tired, too. Instead, you do everything you can to get out of work.”
“I do not. I’m in my rumspringa. I’ve got a right to have a little fun,” Deborah said, pulling up a pair of jeans under her dress. “Fine. If you won’t go with me I’ll just go by myself.”
Hannah sighed and rolled out of bed. “Okay, I’ll come with you but I’m not wearing Englisch clothes.”
“If you want to be the only one in an Englisch movie theater dressed Plain, fine. But I aim to fit in. Besides, Peter likes it when I wear these jeans.” Deb gave Hannah a sly look.
“Ach, did he tell ya that?” Hannah donned her kapp and pinned it into place.
“Nee, but I can tell by the way he looks at me. I'm sure Christian would look at you that way, too if you dressed in Englisch clothes like this,” Deborah said unabashedly, showing off her snug jeans and fitted shirt.
Incredulous, Hannah gasped. “I certainly don't want to attract that kind of attention from Christian. It's...it's sinful.”
Deborah rolled her eyes. “Ach, Hannah. Have you no sense of fun?”
“It's that sense of fun that lands girls in trouble,” Hannah insisted.
“Come on Plain Jane, let's go now.”
Hannah shook her head in disbelief and reluctantly followed her obstinate sister out the door.
<><><>
Hannah stood at the back of the movie theater auditorium waiting for her eyes to adjust. Deborah and Peter had already found their seats, but Hannah had no clue where they were. She had decided using the bathroom before the movie started would be a good idea, but had to wait in a long line. By the time she entered the theater, the previews had already begun. It’s nearly impossible to see anything in here, Hannah thought, squinting. After giving up locating her sister, she sat down in the back row alone.
<><><>
Samuel Beachy entered the movie theater a little late. After his friend Christian ditched him for supper with an Englisch girl, he figured he didn’t want to spend the evening bored to death. The movie theater was the only other thing open on this side of town at this late hour. Fortunately, the movie that looked most interesting had just begun and he could slip in before the previews were over. He normally didn’t care to watch Englisch movies but figured it was better than the alternative.
As he looked around for a good seat, he noticed an Amish girl in the back row. Due to the darkness, he couldn’t tell if it was someone from his district or not. He approached the row and walked near to where the young woman sat. A bright flash from the movie screen illuminated her face and he realized it was Hannah Stolzfus, Christian’s aldi.
What is she doing here alone? He wondered. He was glad Christian and the Englisch girl hadn’t come here. If so, Hannah was sure to be disheartened seeing her beau with another girl. Samuel determined he would keep her company.
“Hiya,” he whispered.
“Ach, hullo, Samuel.” Hannah’s face brightened as she looked past him. “Is Christian with you?”
Samuel grimaced inwardly. “Nee. I’m here alone. Do you mind if I join ya?”
Hannah shrugged. “I guess that would be all right.” She decided. “I’m here with my schweschder and her beau – your bruder.”
Samuel looked around the large darkened auditorium, but the young couple was nowhere in sight. He leaned over and whispered, “Hey, want some popcorn?”
Hannah hesitated. “But it’s so expensive.”
“My treat. It won’t break me, I promise.” He winked.
“Sure.” She smiled, thinking the popcorn smelled good. She wouldn’t have wasted money buying her own at an exorbitant amount when she could make it at home for just pennies, but Samuel seemed eager to purchase some.
“I’ll be right back.” Samuel disappeared for a few minutes, and then promptly returned with a large tub of popcorn. He offered her some and she happily took a large handful of the buttery goodness and popped some into her mouth. “Ach, it’s a gut thing I got the big one,” he teased.
“You mean I gotta share it with you?” She grinned.
“Yes, but these are all yours,” he said, handing her a box of chocolate malt balls and a bottle of water.
“Ach, Samuel. Denki.” Hannah couldn’t believe Samuel’s generosity; he’d always been kind-hearted. She was thankful that Christian had such a gut friend.
Samuel delighted in seeing Hannah’s face light up. Christian had found a good woman. It was a shame he wasn’t treating her the way she deserved. The three of them had grown up together and had always been gut friends. It seemed that Hannah had blossomed from an awkward tomboy into a beautiful young lady overnight. Unfortunately, both Samuel and Christian had noticed at the same time. The very night Samuel had in mind to ask Hannah if he could take her home from a singing was the night she rode in Christian’s buggy for the first time. That was over a year ago. Since then, Samuel had respected them as a couple and kept his distance from Hannah.
Meanwhile, last fall Samuel had met Carolanne. He had moved to Ohio for a few months to help out with his uncle’s corn harvest. After he had taken Carolanne home from a few singings, he’d asked her to be his aldi. When he returned to Pennsylvania, they continued their long-distance relationship by writing letters to each other at least once a month. He planned on returning to Ohio one day to make Carolanne his bride when he was certain she was the one. But he just wasn’t certain.
What would happen to Hannah if things didn’t work out between her and Christian? Would she give Samuel a chance? As Samuel sat next to Hannah, watching her watch the movie, he was tempted to take her hand. But he wouldn’t. Surely she would be put off by it. Sitting here with her almost felt like a date – if only it was.
As the movie progressed, Hannah could hardly keep her eyelids open. It seemed like only a few minutes had gone by when she felt a gentle patting on her arm. She woke up to find herself leaning against Samuel. He slipped his arm from around her shoulder when she became fully coherent.
“Ach, I’m sorry, Samuel,” Hannah said, feeling like a dummkopp.
“Nee, it’s okay. Fall asleep on me anytime.” He smiled. “Perhaps you should try to find your schweschder now.”
Hannah rose from her seat yawning and stretched long and wide. Although her catnap was short, she felt rejuvenated for the drive home. As the lights turned back on, Hannah scanned the audience in search of her sister and Peter. It would’ve been much easier to spot her sister if she’d dressed Plain.
She heard a buzz emanating from Samuel’s pocket and he retrieved his cell phone, indicating to her he was going to step out into the lobby. Normally, the Amish in their district didn’t use cell phones, but Samuel had been granted permission to own one for his buggy making business.
Since most of the young people her age were in rumspringa, many of them did own cell phones. Although they didn’t approve of it, the leaders turned a blind eye to their usage because they realized rumspringa was an important time in a young person’s life. It was a time when they would choose the course of their lives and the leaders didn’t want to hinder their decision making. Of course, they still advocated holiness and blatant rebellion was never accepted. After all, each one would have to give their own account to God.
Hannah found Deborah and Peter near the front of the auditorium and quickly made her way to them before they disappeared.
“Hannah, Peter’s going to take me home,” Deborah stated matter-of-factly. “You don’t mind taking the buggy by yourself, do you?” Deborah’s eyes pleaded.
Hannah sighed. She didn’t relish driving the buggy alone at night, but she wouldn’t begrudge her sister’s request. Hannah knew time alone with a beau was few and far between, and she often coveted more time with Christian. She nodded and gave Deb the ‘you’d better stay out of trouble’ look.
Deborah squealed and hugged her sister. “Denki, Hannah.”
Hannah made her way out to the lobby with purse in hand and searched for Samuel to say goodbye, but he was nowhere to be seen. After she exited the large glass doors, she found the buggy in the parking lot. Thankfully the lot was well lit, because she didn’t care to be alone in a public place after dark. She stroked Winnie’s coat a few times before ascending the buggy. Somehow, having a horse with her gave her a semblance of companionship and security.
“Hannah!” She heard Samuel’s voice call out as he sprinted toward her. Hannah turned to his attention as he neared the buggy. “Do you mind if I catch a ride with ya? My ride left without me,” he explained.
“Only if you agree to drive,” she said smiling.
“Deal,” he agreed.
Hannah moved over and handed the reins to Samuel. “I’m glad you’re here. I don’t care to drive alone in the dark.”
“And I’m glad you’re here because I don’t like to walk home alone in the dark,” he said setting the horse in motion.
Hannah laughed. “I reckon you were worse off than I was. It’s too bad your Englisch friends left you all alone.” Hannah knew Samuel and Christian had Englisch friends they sometimes hung out with. In fact, many of the Plain people had Englisch friends. But she knew Christian would be at home sleeping after working hard in the field all day.
If only that were the case, Samuel thought. He moved the buggy out onto the main road now, heading toward their small rural community. “Are ya goin’ to the gathering tomorrow night?” Samuel asked.
“Jah. Me and Christian are,” she said.
Samuel sighed. Hannah is so trusting. Doesn’t Christian realize what he’s doing? She is such a wonderful girl. Samuel hated to see Hannah get her heart broken, but he felt it wasn’t his place to say anything about Christian’s unfaithfulness. He would bide his time in silence.
“Are ya still writing to Carolanne?” she asked.
“Jah.” Although, at this moment he felt his heart was betraying her.
“How is it out in Ohio? Is it as beautiful as Lancaster County?” she wondered aloud.
“It’s nice,” he said eying Hannah up and down out of the corner of his eye. “But not near as beautiful.” Yep, he was definitely betraying her. You are a hypocrite, Samuel Beachy. How can you bemoan Christian’s unfaithfulness to Hannah when your own thoughts are betraying Carolanne? Samuel shook off his conscience. Carolanne is not betrothed to me.
“Denki for the ride, Samuel. And your company at the movie theater,” Hannah offered, as they neared her property.
The pleasure is all mine. “Gern Gheschen. I’ll just unhitch the buggy and put Winnie up, then walk home. You may go inside already if you’d like. I know you’re tired.”
“All right. Guten nacht, Samuel.”
Samuel watched as Hannah safely entered her quiet home. Too bad I never had a chance with her. Nonetheless, he would look forward to seeing her tomorrow night. Even if she was sitting next to his unworthy best friend.

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