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By Mary Hawkins

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PROLOGUE
As Emily’s breathing gradually slowed, so did that awesome feeling of ecstasy evaporate. Only now did the full realization of what had just happened begin to race through her.
Ages ago Matthew had collapsed onto the huge beach towel beside her and she didn’t dare move, didn’t know what to say, what to do next. At last, two tears slid down from tightly shut eyelids into her tangled hair.
Why didn’t he say something? Had it been awful for him? Had her inexperience turned him right off her? Did he despise her now for doing what she had shyly confided to him last week she never would before marriage? She had been so positive that because she was a Christian this was one thing she would never permit.
Emily opened her eyes and stared up at the wide expanse of sky. Did she despise herself? She knew she should, but... The tears flowed faster.
When they had strolled from the party to the beach, the stars, the silver moonlight gleaming on the tumbling, white surf had been so romantic. Now the moon had long gone. The darkness was fading, the stars fast disappearing as dawn approached. Soon the early risers would be on the beach to catch the first waves of the day.
“How come I never knew? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me making love could be so wonderful? And if so great, how can it be so...so wrong?”
Her soft, trembling words brought no response.
Cautiously she peered at Matthew. He was sprawled face down, his
Prologue
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eyes closed.
“Ma...Matthew?”
A gentle snore was her only answer. Indignation rose. He had kissed her, made love to her until her own body had betrayed her into yielding. At first it had hurt, but then...then...
Now, here she was, beginning to feel she’d betrayed her family, her own values so badly, and Matthew Davidson was asleep?
Indignation rapidly turned to anger — anger at him, anger with herself. She scrambled to her feet. Her muscles ached, her head throbbed and she felt sick. Hysteria began to mingle with her anger.
“What have I done? Oh, what have I done?!” She frantically rearranged her clothes. “Oh no, oh no, oh no! How could I have been so stupid? Why did I do it?”
Her voice had risen and Matthew stirred. Eyelids flickered in a suntanned face.
She froze.
Dark brown eyes stared up at her. A slow smile spread across the attractive face. Until two weeks ago that face had been only a photo to sigh over — her school friend’s romantic, older brother doing his medicine degree at university. And then the real Matthew Davidson had completely fascinated Emily from the moment Sonya had glared at her brother for gate-crashing their holiday.
“Why did we do it? We did it because it was so natural, so wonderful.”
The husky, drawled words sent a wave of heat through Emily’s body. Then the mixed tide of pleasure and confusion slipped away, leaving icy fear and guilt. She swallowed, tried to answer him and swallowed once more.
Matthew’s smile disappeared. He sat up and frowned. “Emily?”
“How...how could you? I told you and told you I’m a Christian. I don’t...won’t...”
The frown became a scowl. “But you changed your mind. I know it was so late, but you didn’t protest once when I led you away from the party to be alone down here. And when I started kissing you, you kissed me right back!”
“The party?” She placed a hand to her aching head. Her stomach churned. She glanced frantically around, managed a few unsteady steps away before completely disgracing herself.
A large hand offered her a handkerchief. Humiliated, she pushed it away and kept her back to him.
“Anyone would think Emily Parker had a hangover,” amused tones
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pronounced. “But then, we all know she completely refuses alcohol of any kind.”
Emily heard Matthew draw in a quick breath. He added sharply, “you didn’t drink any of that fruit punch after some idiot spiked it, did you?”
Dazed, she stared at him. “What?”
“You did, didn’t you?”
What was he saying, that she’d been drunk? Impossible. She had to get out of here. Away from Matthew. She had to think, to...
Cool fingers caressed her cheek. “Oh, Emmie. Darling, I’m so sorry. I should have warned you.”
“Get away from me!”
She gave him a hard shove. Matthew stumbled, lost his balance in the soft sand and staggered back.
Emily took off up the sandhill towards the low bushes lining the beach, ignored his shout to wait, prayed he wouldn’t catch her. When she reached the holiday house the group of school friends had rented for the end-of-year school bash, she glanced back. Matthew was nowhere in sight.
Trying to control her fast, sobbing breaths, Emily crept into the room she shared with Sonya and breathed a sigh of relief to find it empty.
After all the times she’d tried to witness to her friend, all the high moral stands she’d taken first at High School and especially during this end-of-school holiday, she’d blown it. Well and truly blown it. Her friends here would all know she’d left the party in the early hours of the morning and stayed out with to-die-for Matthew Davidson.
No way could she face any of them again. Not Sonya. And Matthew... She shuddered.
After breakfast she’d been leaving today anyway, to go to the Brisbane airport and fly off to spend Christmas with her missionary parents in New Guinea.
Her parents. She gave a low moan. If they ever found out they’d be so disappointed in her! And Aunt Barbara... She’d been right to try and stop her going on this holiday with friends who hadn’t tried to hide their disdain of Emily’s “religious” guardian. After all, she was nineteen, old enough to decide for herself. Still, if it hadn’t been that Sonya obviously didn’t agree with the other girls, respected and liked Aunt Barbara...
She couldn’t think about that godly woman who’d cared for her here in Australia these last few years. Not now.
Emily was thankful her need to spend every last minute with Matthew on her last morning had made her pack before going to the party. She grabbed her mobile phone and ordered a taxi. With trembling hands she
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scrambled into the skirt and top she’d laid out ready, haphazardly flung the rest of her things into the case and slammed it shut.
She almost made it. Her hand was on the front door when it was flung open by a scowling Matthew. In the dim light they stared at each other. The tears began to trickle down her face again. His expression changed. Then he took in the suitcase in her hand.
Surprise and condemnation flashed across Matthew’s face. He opened his mouth but a sleepy voice in the corridor behind Emily said, “I thought you must be in the bathroom. Is it time for you to leave already, Em?”
She swung round. A pyjama-clad Sonya yawned, and then stilled. “Why, you’re crying. What...?” Her gaze snapped towards her brother. “What have you done to her?” Her voice rose in accusation. “You’ve made her cry!”
With a sob of relief, Emily heard a vehicle outside. A horn blared and Matthew turned to investigate.
Emily slipped past him. “I don’t need a lift to the airport now...my taxi... Thanks for including me in the holiday,” she managed to fling over her shoulder towards Sonya, not daring to look at Matthew again. One brief glance had revealed how stunned he was, how furious with her for running away.
She almost changed her mind at the choked “Emily, wait!” he called after her.
For a brief moment she even hoped he’d stop her, but Sonya started to yell at her brother. They were still going at it when Emily scrambled into the taxi and slammed the door. As the car started off down the short drive, she glanced back. Her last glimpse of Matthew was his pale face, his look of disbelief, his mouth opening to yell as he ran towards her.
Then the taxi turned onto the road, taking her away from him.
And Emily’s heart broke into a million pieces.

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