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Accusations

By Colleen K. Snyder

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FRIDAY
In the dark, Erin strained to hear. Hearing was the only sense they left him. Bound in a fetal position with his knees buried to his chest, his arms wrapped around his knees, he lay on his side on a hard, unyielding surface. Mouth and eyes taped shut.
Where am I? What happened? The woman by the side of the road…two small children beside her. A car with the hood up. I stopped. The battery, maybe? Infant in the backseat. I looked under the hood.
That’s it. That’s all I remember.
Erin’s world jolted. He felt the sensation of falling, of being dropped. The sudden stop at the bottom jarred his bones. Voices. He heard muffled voices. Near him? Above him?
“You can’t leave that here. Hook it back up and tow it out of here.”
“My boss wants it crushed. Now.”
“Can’t happen. No pink slip. No registration. I can’t crush a car without something to prove who it belonged to.”
Crush? Car? Erin’s eyes would have widened in fear if he could have opened them at all.
“I got five Benjamins says I own this car, and I want it smashed.”
“I don’t care if you’ve got ten Benjamins. I can’t crush a car without the proper paperwork. Not while the boss is here.”
Silence.
“What time does your boss leave?”
“Come back around six with the Benjamins. Ten of them. I’ll crush your car. You can leave it where it is for now. I’ll tell the big man you went to get the title.”
“You got a deal.”
“What’s so important about this car? It’s a sweet roadster. I’d almost pay to take it off your hands.”
“I have instructions to stay and watch this car be crushed. Then I load it on a flatbed and drive it to Oakton. Supposed to leave it at some house. My boss wants pictures. I wouldn’t sell it to you for any price. It’s not worth crossing my boss.”
“Suit yourself. See you tonight.”
Silence. A diesel motor came to life. Drove away. Someone banged the trunk of the car serving as Erin’s prison. “Shame. She is a sweet ride. Wonder who he made mad?”
Silence again.
Crushed?
* * *
Collin Farrell stared at her steak, sizzling on the grill plate, the red juices pooling on the sides. Piping hot butter spat little geysers on top of the medium-rare boneless New York strip. A side order of portabella mushrooms stuffed with minced crab meat and topped with crispy browned Panko breadcrumbs sat beside the meat. Everything exactly the way she loved it.
Collin folded her napkin, placed it on the table, and with deliberate movements, stood. She forced a smile at her husband, her lips tight. “I’ll be right back.” She turned from the table, walked to the back of the restaurant, into the restroom, and closed the door behind her.
She sank to the floor, holding her stomach. Waves of nausea swept over her again and again. She felt clammy and hot and sweaty and sick. Collin bowed her head on her knees and whispered, “Not now. Not here. It’s my birthday. Please?”
How long she sat, she didn’t know. But the nausea faded, the sweating stopped, and her mouth quit salivating. She let out a deep breath, stood, and returned to the table.
Jeff glanced up from eating. “Are you okay? This nausea stuff has been going on for what, a couple months now?”
“Four or five. And it’ll pass. I saw the doctor today.” Collin sat and nibbled at the vegetables. “How did your day go?”
Jeff shrugged and again attacked his steak. Between bites, he said, “Same as every other day. Too much work, not enough me. It’ll get done, but only if I keep pushing. Taking tonight off will set one job back…” He smiled at her, touched her hand. “But it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”
Collin touched his hand in return. “Thank you, kind sir. I didn’t mean to pull you from your labors.” Her lips tensed to a forced smile. “But thanks for celebrating with me.”
Jeff turned around. “I thought Erin would make an appearance. He’s usually around when food’s involved.”
Collin swallowed the retort she wanted to make. 1 Peter 3, remember? ‘Won without a word.’ Smile and say nothing. He knows my brother is out of town. He sent him to survey the farm Grandfather Fenton owned. He heard us when Erin borrowed my car. He knows all about it.
Collin breathed through her nose, keeping her mouth shut from the words she wanted to say. She gathered herself. “Is there an end in sight? The rec center projects should be finished this month. And the new housing complex has been opened to residents. That should free some of your time, right?”
Jeff chewed his steak. “Mom called this morning and asked if I could take over the Billings project. She’s trying to work Dad out of the business. Since his heart attack scare last fall, she’s been after him to cut back.”
Collin placed her hands in her lap. “You promised you weren’t going to take on any new projects.”
“It’s Mom. You want me to say no to Mom? After all she’s done for us?”
Collin chose her words carefully. “We agreed you were carrying too much of a load. We talked it out, and you weren’t going to take on anything else. If you take the Billings project, you need to give one of your other projects up. We agreed.” Otherwise, you’ll never come back to church. Or me. Especially when I’m going to need you most.
Jeff scowled. “I knew you would get cranky about it. It’s not like I have a choice, Collin. I can’t tell Mom no.”
Collin breathed in and out. Carefully. “I didn’t say tell Mom Lacey no. I would never turn down anything she asked.” Unlike you, who’s been dodging every invite, every family dinner, every family gathering… “I said we agreed you would need to give up one of the other projects. The rec center on the west side can be put off for a few months.”
“And lose all the workers I have lined up? Those people need the jobs. You want to take food out of their families’ mouths?”
Collin put her fork down. “I have no intention of taking food out of anyone’s mouths, Jeff Farrell. But there are ways to get the jobs done without you working yourself into an early grave.” And making me a widow long before you ever die. “The rec centers are my dream, my projects. I know two good men who could handle the job. They know the areas, the regulations, and what we want to accomplish. Don Jacobs and Tim Weiskopf. You know them. We can hire them to take over the project. It gets completed on time, no one misses any meals, and the kids get their rec center.”
“Why would I hire someone to do what I can do myself? Collin, you’re being unreasonable again. Are you saying I can’t manage your project as well as Jacobs and Weiskopf? Excuse me for not living up to your standards.”
Collin breathed in slowly and counted to fifty. She took a sip of water. “I never said you couldn’t manage my project. I never asked you to live to any standard you might think I hold. I don’t know why we can’t have a discussion without it turning into a fight. I’m sorry you feel the way you do. You are under no obligation to take on the west side project. As you said, it is mine to begin with. I am taking it off your hands. I will oversee it myself.”
Jeff laughed. “Right. What do you know about buildings and contractors? You’ll be fleeced out of millions within the first two weeks. I’m not going to lose money because you don’t trust me.”
Collin stood. “We’re done. I’m done. I’m going home and see if the man I married is hidden anywhere in the house.”
Jeff caught her hand. “No, Collin, I’m sorry. Sit. Finish your dinner, please. I don’t mean it the way it sounded.”
Collin sat. She picked up her fork, stilled the trembling of her hand, swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, too. I need you to cut back on your hours. I’m going to need help at home, and I really, really need you to be there.”
Jeff’s eyes narrowed slightly. “For what?”
“For changing diapers. And helping with laundry. And playing games on the floor with your children.”
She couldn’t hide the smile any longer. “I’m pregnant, Jeff. We’re pregnant. We’re going to have a baby. Two babies, in fact.” Jeff’s eyes widened in shock. Collin continued, “Right. Shock to me, too. My cycles aren’t regular anyhow, so I didn’t know I’d missed anything.” Collin put down the fork. “I thought I might be putting on a little weight but figured diet and exercise would take care of it. We’ll know better next week after the ultrasound, but the doctor guesses I’m maybe six, six and a half months along.”
Jeff’s face continued to reflect disbelief, which turned to anger, and disbelief again. He found his voice. “You’re what? You can’t be. There’s no way.”
Collin stared at him. Not the reaction she’d anticipated. “Why can’t I be? I don’t understand.”
Jeff pushed away from the table. His face turned dark, his eyes wild. “No. You weren’t supposed to get pregnant. He told me you’d never… He promised… I’ve got to call…” Who he wanted to call remained a mystery as he plowed his way through the tables, out the front door of the restaurant and out of sight.
Well, okay. That went worse than I expected. Collin stared after her husband for several moments. When he did not return, she sighed. She searched for their server, motioned for him. “Sean, thanks. It looks like Jeff has an emergency he needs to take care of. Can you box all this to go?” She smiled. “It’s not going to taste nearly as good heated over, but that’s the life of a fireman.”
Sean nodded. “Sorry he had to interrupt your birthday dinner. I’ll have these out in a minute.”
Collin waited until the food had been boxed and the bill paid for, then stepped outside to look for her husband. His truck was gone. Collin’s eyes widened in disbelief. Now what? They’d come together. Collin had no way to get home without calling a taxi or an app service. Unbelievable. She dialed Rideshare, waited fifteen minutes, caught the ride, and went home.
The darkened windows were proof Jeff had not made it there ahead of her. Not that it would make it any better, but at least she’d have someone to yell at. She sighed. “I know, I know. No yelling. Quiet, calm demeanor. Controlled. You’re trying to win him back, right?” After tonight, I’m not sure I want him back.
Collin sank into the couch in the family room. She did not turn on the lights and curled around a throw pillow. She dropped her head to rest on the cushion. Tears born of hormones dribbled from her eyes. Her voice trembled. “Where did you go, Jeff? My Jeff, the one I married three years ago? When did I lose the man I loved?”
She cast her mind back six months to when Jeff stopped coming to church. “It’s only for a month, Collin. One month. The Lord knows my heart. This housing tract matters to a lot of people. It’ll be done before you know it. All it needs is a little supervision before the rest of the crew can take over. I promise.”
One month became two, became four, became six. And no end in sight. But it went back further. A year before? Jeff had stopped going to Men’s study, a group he’d organized before they were married. She’d found out by accident.
“Jeff, Giball asked me if you were ever coming back to Men’s group. He said you’d been missing for three weeks. He said they were worried about you.”
“Oh, yeah. I stopped going. I thought I told those guys I wasn’t going to come anymore. I need the time to review the financials. We’ve got year-end coming and the tax audit. I need to get the figures in order. God knows my heart, Collin. I’m good. And it’s just for the next two months. Once the audit is over, I can go back to the study. Don’t worry, milady. I’m not running out on anyone.”
Collin let her mind drift back further. Our wedding. The week before. We’d planned to have communion with everyone present. You came home from playing round ball and said you’d pulled a muscle in your thigh. Then you told me we shouldn’t have communion. “It might make some people feel bad, being left out. We shouldn’t have it.”
“Can the wedding party take it? I know everyone in it knows the Lord and has accepted Him.”
“No. It would look weird.”
“No, it won’t. It will be fine. Lots of wedding groups do it.”
“I still feel like we shouldn’t do it.”
“You and me?”
“No. I don’t think we should make a public display of something so private.”
“But you were all for it when we planned it. You said it would make a clear statement of our faith, of what we believed, and would provide a clear Gospel message to everyone present.”
“I’ve had time to think it over. I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to do it. I want to cancel that part of the service. Our faith will still be on display. Anyone who knows us knows where we stand. God knows. And that’s what matters in the end. Let’s not do it.”
“So we didn’t, did we?” Collin sighed. “You quit taking communion at all, didn’t you, Jeff? What is it between you and the Lord you can’t confess and be done with?”
Keys unlocked the door from the garage. Collin strangled the pillow. She held her breath as Jeff walked past the family room without stopping, went to the living room, and sank in his recliner. He turned the TV on, flipped channels, finally settling on a college hoops game between teams she knew he didn’t know and could care less about.
Collin prayed hard, waited for the next commercial break, then walked in quietly. Meekness. Submission. Call him “Lord” like Sarah did Abraham…
Sarah also laid him out for Hagar’s being insolent to her. She hadn’t hesitated to tell him, “This is your fault.” Maybe you should get a backbone again.
Unable to properly discern between the voices, Collin ignored both suggestions. She stood beside his chair. “I brought home the leftovers. Do you want me to reheat them?”
“No. Not tonight.”
“Did you talk with whoever you needed to speak to?”
Jeff avoided her gaze. His eyes were guarded, his face drawn. “Yes, I did.”
“You want to tell me about it?”
“Not tonight. It’s late, and we agreed never to argue after eight p.m.”
We agreed to a lot of things, and it hasn’t stopped you from breaking those covenants. What makes this any different? “In the morning? Over coffee? Jeff, I hurt. This is killing me.” Her tears choked in her throat. “Please? Can we talk it out like we used to?”
Jeff shrugged and turned back to the TV. “Yeah, I guess. I’m going to sleep out here tonight.”
Collin didn’t bother to argue. She walked to the back bedroom, slipped out of her clothes and into her nightgown. She hit her knees. “God, please. Show me what’s wrong. Show me what I did to bring this on. I don’t understand any of it. I don’t. Please, please, show me.”
What came was the warm assurance she wasn’t alone. It was enough. She crawled into bed, turned off the light, and fell asleep.

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