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Mercy Will Follow Me

By Sarah Hanks

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1
Friday April 9, 2010

Anticipation brewed in Natassa’s gut. Yes, Brandon was reluctant, but he hadn’t said no. Not officially. Just: “We’ll talk more about it later.”
Well, tonight they were going to do more than talk.
Things couldn’t be working out more perfectly. Natassa had been charting for months. She had always thought her cycles were irregular. It turned out she just hadn’t been paying enough attention. They were consistent, and this time around, everything lined up perfectly with her ten-year anniversary.
Natassa was going to seduce her husband.
Once she was pregnant, if she got pregnant, he would warm up to the idea. They were blessed with the means to support a fifth child. He couldn’t use money as an excuse. Brandon was well established in his career as a computer programmer at a national bank, always speaking technical jargon Natassa couldn’t begin to comprehend. They could easily turn their extra guest bedroom into a nursery. No, finances couldn’t be the reason for his hesitation.
He was also an excellent father, doting on his two daughters, wrestling with his two sons. His face lit up when he helped build a snow fort with them in the backyard or when their three-year-old princess fell asleep in his lap on page three of a Curious George book. Brandon went after his role as a father like he did everything in life: with passion and purpose. He dove in, fully involved in the lives of his children. When they were younger, he helped change diapers. Now that the boys were older, he sat with them, hashing out math problems for hours if necessary. He couldn’t claim he wasn’t doing a wonderful job with the kids he already had. Another one to love? Yes, he’d be thrilled … eventually.
She tried to push the rest of their heated conversation out of her mind. He had been unreasonable. He’d said she was never satisfied. Why couldn’t she be content with the four children they had? Insatiable. It wasn’t true, at least not in the way he meant it. What was wrong with wanting another child? If she hungered for it, it was only because God put that desire in her. He would come around. He had to. He couldn’t make good on his threat to not sleep with her until they worked through this disagreement. He was a man, after all. And she planned to work all her womanly charms on him tonight.
Natassa tore through her walk-in closet looking for the red dress. They’d seen it while shopping one day. “That would look good on you,” Brandon had whispered in her ear. She’d thought so, too, and had gone back the next day and bought it, hiding it in the back of her closet.
She couldn’t wear it to church. The neckline was too low, and the hemline not low enough. Wear it out in public? She’d feel too exposed. But she’d wear it for Brandon tonight.
She ransacked the master bathroom, looking for her old makeup bag. Where was it? She didn’t often wear makeup. In fact, the last time she used it was probably at her cousin’s wedding over a year ago. Finding the bag, she rummaged through it, searching for something daring.
Something surprising. Something beyond typical Natassa. She found what she was looking for and glided on the bloodred lipstick, searching her creamy reflection in the mirror. Well, she wasn’t twenty anymore, but she didn’t look bad. Even after ten years of marriage and four children, she looked like the kind of woman who could turn heads. She shuddered, imagining the unwanted attention. It was only her husband’s recognition she coveted, only his approval she was
looking for.
She busied herself arranging her wavy brown hair. Half up, half down was how he liked it best. She secured it with a silky red ribbon. With her makeup in place, she found her black heels and grabbed her small black purse.
There. How could he deny her tonight?
She heard her phone belt out the Celine Dion melody reserved for Brandon’s ringtone. A giggle bubbled forth as she snatched the phone from her bed and answered.
“Hey, babe.” Could he hear the smile in her voice? The expectation?
“Hi, sweetheart. I just wanted to let you know I’m about to head into my last meeting. I’ll be an hour, an hour and a half, tops. Gosh, I wish I could get out of it.”
She felt his sincerity reaching out to her and loved him for it.
“It’s okay.”
“I’ll make it as quick as I can. I can’t wait to spend time with you.”
“Right back at ya.” She felt her cheeks warm.
“Are the children already at the sitter’s?”
“Yep. Dropped them off over an hour ago.”
“What are you going to do for the next hour?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a crossword puzzle.”
Brandon’s laugh triggered her own. She enjoyed how their laughter danced together. She always had. “All right, have a blast with that. I’ll see you at the hotel in no more than two hours—hopefully, less. Love you.”
“Love you too,” she said before hanging up the phone, smiling and wiggling her toes. What was she going to do for the next hour?
Her bag was already packed, her purse already in hand. Maybe she had time to go by the shop in their old neighborhood and grab a bottle of his favorite wine. She rarely visited the city anymore, but the hotel was downtown.
She and Brandon had met downtown just a block away from the hotel they would be staying at that night. One moment she was bent over her laptop hammering out a term paper on cognitive theory, the next moment she heard his voice asking if the seat across from her was taken. Then she saw his face—kind eyes and a sincere smile—and the rest of him, strong and muscular. Her term paper was forgotten, completely overshadowed by Brandon Bloomington. They talked for two hours straight. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. His sandy-blonde hair was neatly trimmed, and as she sat there listening to him, she fantasized about running a hand through it. Touching his tanned face. Kissing his mesmerizing lips. They talked so long she was late for her child psychology class. Eight months later, they were married. Three months after that, she was pregnant with David. She never did finish her degree. She didn’t mind; her family was everything to her.
Daniel followed David two years later. Nearly two years after that, Faith was born. And then Hope entered their family. Brandon said they were now complete: two boys, two girls. But Natassa just wasn’t ready to give the baby clothes away. Their daughter Hope was three already and growing so fast. Natassa missed the sweet baby sounds and the feel of newborn hair and skin. She yearned for more. At least one more. Then maybe the ache would cease, or at least dull to something bearable.
She navigated the city streets, surprised by how much the neighborhood had changed in eight years. Their favorite restaurant had once been on her right, the Italian flag boldly painted on the window. Now the only things on the windows were boards, and several beer bottles lay on
the sidewalk in front of the entrance.
Was she … had she accidentally crossed over Park Avenue? Natassa checked the street signs again, mentally racing through her memory of the city layout. No. She’d just crossed King Street and hadn’t even hit Winston yet. She was still north of Park, still in safe territory. Perhaps time simply clouded her memory of what the neighborhood used to look like.
A flash of color on the corner of Winston and Fourth stole her attention. A graffiti painting of a cardinal taking flight made her smile. It looked lifelike as if its wings were flapping wildly. Then she looked underneath the bird and spotted the figure the bird had been nesting in. A skull. Ew. She turned her thoughts back to her mission.
“This is dumb. It’s probably not even open,” she mumbled to herself. But as she turned the corner, there it was: Edison’s Wines. Natassa parked in front and got out, making sure to lock the car door. A few minutes later, she emerged onto the street, wine bottle in hand. She started for her car and then wondered if Merrie’s Berries was still in operation. Brandon relished the chocolate-covered strawberries served there. If she remembered correctly, it sat just around the next corner.
Glancing at her watch, she thought she had enough time for a quick stop. She imagined how he’d appreciate her thoughtfulness, how he’d show her that appreciation tonight. And
maybe she’d come away from this weekend with a new life inside her, slowly blossoming into a new blessing, the next addition to the Bloomington family.

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