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Forget Me Not

By Miralee Ferrell

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Chapter One

Baker City, Oregon
Early Summer, 1881

Julia McKenzie slipped out the back door of the Baker City Saloon and peered down the alley, willing her heart to quit racing. Her breath came in short spurts, and she wiped her clammy hands down the sides of her full skirt. Wagons, and men on horseback, moved past the far end where the alley opened on Front Street, but no one looked her way.
Dark clouds obscured the sun, creating deep shadows in the crevices of the narrow space running between the long rows of businesses.
She stepped into the middle of the alley, her spine straight. She’d done nothing to be ashamed of, even if the respectable people in this town might not agree. A cheery whistle emanating from a short distance alerted her but not in time to fade out of sight.
A tall man strode toward her, his face shadowed by his hat and the dim light that filtered into this narrow space between the dingy buildings. He slowed as he approached and tipped his hat. “Are you lost, ma’am?” Pivoting a half-turn, he glanced over his shoulder then at her. “Is your husband nearby?”
Julia lifted her chin. The man’s voice niggled at her memory, but she couldn’t quite place it. “I’m not lost, but thank you for asking.” She knew what would come next. The sly smile, the knowing look at the saloon door only paces away, then the suggestive remark. Sometimes following her calling was almost more than she could bear.
He nodded and swept off his hat, revealing dark, short-cropped curls. “May I escort you to where you’re going, then?” He replaced his hat then held out his arm. A gentle smile warmed his features, barely discernible under the brim.
She retreated a half-step. “Why?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll have you know I’m not that kind of woman. I won’t go to your home or to a hotel room, if that’s what you have in mind.”
He winced and lowered his arm. “I’m sorry. Maybe I should introduce myself. I’m the pastor of Baker City Community Church. I simply felt it wasn’t safe for you to walk through this section of town alone.”
Her body gave an involuntary jerk, and warmth rushed to her cheeks. Of all the people in this town she could bump into behind a saloon, it had to be a preacher!



Seth Russell tried not to stare at the striking woman standing an arm’s length from him. This cramped space didn’t allow for good visibility, but through glints of sunlight he noted rich, upswept auburn hair, delicate lips set in an oval face, and sapphire eyes opened wide in apparent surprise.
He glimpsed incredible feeling shining from their depths as the clouds drifted away from the face of the sun. Then resentment and indignation followed with a flash of shock and — what? Fear? Guilt? Or something else he couldn’t quite comprehend.
But there was something more. He knew this woman — he was certain of it. Much had passed between now and the last time he’d seen her, but his heart rate increased, almost threatening to choke him. He knew it was true. Julia McKenzie. Would she recognize him?
“I apologize, Pastor.” Her well-modulate voice roused him from contemplation. “I assumed—”
He held up his hand. “No need to explain. I know what some of the men hereabouts are like, especially in this area. In fact, I suggest we don’t linger, or we may draw undesirable attention.” He held out his arm again and waited for several long heartbeats.
Once they stepped out of the alley and into better light, would she realize who accompanied her? And what was she doing in this rough part of town without an escort and so close to the saloon? The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass her, but they’d left too many things unspoken, those seven years ago.
She moved with a quiet grace and slipped her hand under the crook of his elbow. “Thank you. My name is Julia McKenzie. I was here—” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter why. I’m sorry to trouble you. If you care to accompany me to the Arlington Hotel, I’d be most grateful.”
Seth pressed her hand against his side, not wanting her to slip away or possibly stumble over the refuse in the alley.
“Julia.” He barely breathed the name then bit back the rest of what he’d planned to say. Seth hoped she hadn’t heard — it wasn’t the right time — but he could barely contain his excitement.
He steered her around a particularly disgusting pile of rotted food and discarded trash tossed from the door of another less-than-reputable establishment.
He hazarded a quick glance at the young woman — Julia McKenzie, whatever else she might have become, was even lovelier than she’d been all those years ago. She wasn’t dressed like someone who worked at a saloon or any other business in this part of town, but what else could have brought her? “Miss McKenzie?”
Her gaze flitted past his, but he saw no recognition. “Yes?”
“Are you new to town? It’s easy to lose your way if you aren’t familiar with the streets.”
A small smile dimpled her cheeks. “I’ve been here for three weeks or so. And no, I wasn’t lost.” Her lips pressed together after the last word as though afraid something more would slip out.
Seth nodded but kept his own counsel. It wasn’t his nature to pry, although he’d like to help if there was a need — and he most certainly wanted to know where this woman had been for the past seven years. “Might I invite you to church this Sunday, if you aren’t already attending somewhere?”
He paused at the mouth of the alley, allowing his vision to adjust to the brighter sunlight. A group of rough-clad men bunched around the front door of the saloon a stone’s throw to his left, and the wheels of a wagon, heavily laden with boxes and bags, churned a cloud of dust as it passed. “Let’s walk this way.” He drew her to the side, apart from the gawking men, and waited for her to step onto the boardwalk beside him.
“I’m not sure if I’ll attend, but I’ll consider it. Thank you.” Her quiet words surprised him, but she kept her face averted, never looking at him squarely. Was she afraid of something? How could he find out more about her without being direct? But with all they’d been to one another in the past, perhaps he should simply be forthright.
“Do you know where my church is located? I’m afraid it’s a bit of a walk from your hotel. I could ask the Jacobs family to stop by on their way.”
“No.” The word was quick and almost sharp. “Thank you. I don’t care to be a bother.” She flicked her fingers toward an open door a few yards down the boardwalk. “I appreciate you walking with me, Pastor. We’re here.”
He slowed his stride and came to a halt as her hand slipped from his arm, then he deliberately turned to face her. “I’d appreciate if you’d call me Seth as you used to do. I see you don’t recognize me after all these years. Of course, I’m clean shaven, my hair is much shorter and I’m several years older. I decided the full beard didn’t suit me. I’m Seth Russell. It’s been a long time, Julia.”
Her gaze swung to his and clung, and she seemed almost to have quit breathing. “Seth — Russell?”
He nodded but didn’t speak, wanting to give her time to absorb the information.
She placed the tips of her fingers against her lips. “Oh my. I didn’t realize — forgive me for not knowing you sooner.”
“It’s been seven years, and I suppose we’ve both changed.”
Julia’s head dipped slightly in acknowledgment. “Yes.” The word was a mere whisper. “I didn’t know you’d gone into the ministry. As I recall, you were headed a different direction when we…” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and looked away.
“When we began courting. Yes. I had a change of heart not long after you left.” Seth felt as though he’d choke over the last three words, but he’d forced them out.
He hadn’t spoken to Julia for years, although he’d never forgotten her, and his heart had yet to recover. “What brought you to Baker City? And more importantly, why did you leave Omaha and not speak to me personally?”
Julia didn’t reply. Her fingers moved, and it appeared she might touch him, but she halted. “I’m so sorry, Seth.” She pivoted and moved with deliberate steps toward the hotel.
Disquiet and loss slammed into Seth as she disappeared. He longed to follow and discover more, but he forced himself to retreat. He might be a pastor who cared for his flock, and even more important, a man she’d once acted as though she cared for — but she’d made it clear she had no desire to share her personal business.
What or who she might be now was not his concern. But that didn’t stop anticipation from spreading through his veins at the thought of possibly seeing her again on Sunday.



Julia stood just inside the hotel foyer and waited until Seth turned the corner at the end of the street and disappeared from view. Placing her palm over her pounding heart, she willed it to calm and slow.
Never in a thousand years had she expected to meet Seth in Baker City. The last thing she’d heard, he’d gone west — although truth-be-told, she’d heard he’d headed to Oregon. Had she secretly hoped to find him here when she’d made her decision to come?
She should have recognized him the moment she laid eyes on him, but he’d introduced himself as a pastor before speaking his name. He had matured into a handsome, rugged man, quite different from the youth she’d known so many years ago.
As soon as she’d heard his voice, she’d experienced a rush of awareness that had almost overpowered her, but she’d pushed it away as ridiculous. The Seth Russell she’d known had been reckless and bold — certainly not someone she believed would ever become a pastor. In fact, that independent spirit was what drew her to him in the beginning
Papa had expressed reservations because Seth was an orphan with no proper upbringing or family to help keep him on the straight and narrow. Julia shook her head in wonder. Her father had worried Seth would do something foolish or go the wrong direction — and here he’d ended up as a pastor — just like Papa.
On the other hand, Seth had hinted at some kind of life change not long before she’d walked out of his life. Looking back, she knew she’d been a coward. At the very least, she should have talked to Seth and explained, not simply sent him a letter.
She’d cared for him more than any man she’d ever known, but she’d only been seventeen and not ready to commit herself — in fact, the thought of marriage scared her. At four years her senior, Seth had tried more than once to declare himself. He wanted to settle down and marry, even if he was overly adventurous in other ways; but Julia had forestalled that avowal from happening.
While most young women wanted nothing more than to marry and start a family, she had desired more. She’d been raised in a sheltered family — a pastor’s family, no less — and longed to spread her wings and experience life before being confined by the chains of matrimony. At least, that’s how it had seemed at the time.
After seeing Seth again, Julia wasn’t so sure she’d made the right choice. He’d grown into a handsome man. Not that he wasn’t handsome before, but maturity sat well on him. And there was something in the depth of his gaze she’d never noticed — wisdom, perhaps? Now she regretted letting him think she might attend his church on Sunday.
Why had she been so quick to even consider his request? Part of her missed that life — the steady, secure existence she’d known growing up. Not only that, she missed the fellowship of other believers, but Julia knew all too well the whispers that would start if people got wind of what she was doing — or that she’d known Seth in the past. She hadn’t given her word, and it might be better if she didn’t show up for service. But try as she might, she couldn’t convince herself to stay away. She wanted to see Seth again, even if only once more.
Julia shoved down the prickles of guilt assaulting her conscience — she hadn’t lied or even offered a half-truth in letting him accompany her to the hotel where she resided — she’d simply avoided saying it wasn’t her final destination.
Opening the door a crack, she peered outside, then slipped into step with a family passing by. An older woman hobbled along with them, gripping the hand of the younger girl. Julia stayed close behind the pair, hoping to blend into the group.
The child tugged on the older woman’s hand. “Grandma, you’re limping. Ma! Grandma’s feet are hurting. We need to stop and let her rest.”
The blond woman, apparently the child’s mother, slowed her pace and drew abreast of the pair. “Mama, do you want to find a bench and sit?”
“Nonsense, Katherine. My feet are fine, although it is most kind of Amanda to worry.” She loosened her grip and smoothed the child’s golden curls. “I am anxious to visit the theater and hear the concert.”
Julia’s heart sank. The theater was only another block, and she needed to go a distance beyond. Well, it didn’t matter. Quickening her stride, she struck out around the family, peeking at the woman called Katherine.
What a kind face and gentle demeanor. But no doubt that would turn to disgust if she knew Julia’s plan. She had always been alone in her desires and would probably never have a friend like this woman, no matter how badly she wanted one.
She squared her shoulders. There was no room for self-pity in her life. Her mission came above all else.
Her mind drifted to her impetuous response to Seth’s invitation. She’d attend church one time, but that almost certainly would be the end of it. Once his congregation knew her secret business, she’d never be allowed to set foot in the building again, and no doubt Seth would feel the same.
If someone saw her venturing into an area where proper white women were rarely seen, so be it. She’d come out West to hide from wagging tongues, but if they started to wag here as well, there was nothing she could do to stop it. It was time to quit sneaking around like a thief, hoping no one would notice.

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