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Permanent Resident at the Purse Table

By Keisha Bass

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Ava sat next to the waterhole that posed as a lake. Flicking the cool, murky water with her toes, she contemplated her next move. An old Nike shoebox rested across her lap.
Gripping Xavier’s sunglasses, she shook her head. “Humph, cheap.”
She threw the shades back in the box and picked up the CD of slow songs he’d made for her after an argument. Snapping the CD in two, she tossed the pieces in the shoebox and considered throwing the box, and her memories of him, in the water.
Toni, one of her closest girlfriends, planted the idea in her brain. Toni’s words echoed in Ava’s mind. “Girl, when you see his stuff float away, a calm feeling will overcome you and you’ll get closure.”
Ava giggled at her friend’s dramatic suggestion and the visual therapy it could provide, but she didn’t want to pass her problems on to Mother Nature. The sign that read: DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS, along with the $500 littering fine also aided in her decision. She walked by a garbage dumpster on the way to the lake and knew that location would work. Maybe even better. Imagining his personal belongings getting crushed at the land-fill with the rest of the trash, would give her peace.
“Lord, why did I put myself through this again? Last time my heart broke, I said I’d wait on you to bring the right one. Then Xavier showed up, and I jumped into a relationship and into bed with another fool.”
She jerked her feet from the water and slid them into her weatherworn sandals. “Okay, Lord. I will listen to Your voice. I will wait on You to bring that special man.” Ava stood and picked up the box. “In fact, I declare celibacy right here and now. I pray for the man You have picked out for me. And Lord, while I’m praying for stuff, can You help me lose about fifty pounds?” She chuckled. “You know, so I can feel comfortable in my own skin when the right man does show up. Thank You for everything You do. In Jesus’ name.”
God had to be listening and He’d answer her prayers, but she knew He moved in His timing. Ava just wanted to know when that would be. She tucked the box under her arm, as tears began to race down each side of her face. Wiping her tears with her free hand, she turned her back on the lake idea.
The dumpster loomed about twenty yards ahead of her, but the stench hit her nose before she could take another step. As she got closer, the purpose of her actions became more real. I will not rush into anything next time. I will follow God’s leading. When she arrived at the dumpster, she turned the box upside down and shook out the contents. She chucked the box on top of the trash, slapped her hands clean, and walked away. Ava could admit to herself she would miss Xavier, but knew she wouldn’t be missing much.

*****

Ava heard footsteps coming up the stairs that led to her apartment. She hurried to the door because she knew if Toni and Rene were alone for any amount of time, a conflict might arise. With a tired grin and glass of red wine, she pulled the door open.
Toni, gasping for air, leaned against the door frame. The department store dress bag hung off the edge of her arm, ready to fall to the ground. “Girl, why don’t you move to the first floor? This is a mess.”
Rene giggled.
“What are you he-heing about?” Toni rested her hand on her scrawny hip.
“If you would do some cardio like I keep suggesting you do, these stairs wouldn’t be such a problem.” Climbing the three flights of stairs to Ava’s third floor apartment hadn’t been a problem for Rene.
“And like I keep suggesting to you, you know where you and your suggestions can go.” Toni found enough breath to laugh.
Ava dropped her head. Here we go.
Toni hugged Ava and sashayed into the living room. “Plus, I don’t need to work out. I look good.”
“Well, you didn’t look so good coming up those stairs. I didn’t know if I needed to help you up the steps or find the nearest oxygen mask.” Rene passed by Toni, touching her shoulder. “And anyway, it’s not about looking good, Toni. It’s about how you feel. Being healthy. As a model, you should know that.”
Ava folded her arms across her plump body. I wonder what she thinks of me.
“I hear you, Rene. I’ll get my work out on one day. But I really don’t need to.” Her hands traveled down her silhouette. Smiling, she said, “I was born with all this fineness and I feel just fine. Thank you very much.”
Ava, sporting black Capri pants and a burgundy blouse that had trouble keeping her cleavage hidden, followed Toni to the mauve-colored couch and plopped down. “I can’t believe I finally let you two talk me into going out. I guess nagging does work.”
Toni took a deep breath. “Girl, please. It’s ladies’ night. Which equals us gettin’ in free and boo coos of men lined up to get in like they were handing out free Super Bowl tickets. You need to forget about Xavier and we’re going to help you.”
“And the best part, two dollar margaritas ‘til ten o’clock. You know they try to get us faded, so they can talk us into giving up our good stuff.” Rene looked at her watch. “And we only got a little over an hour until ten, so I hope you’re ready, Ava.”
“Me? I’m as ready as I’m going to get.” Ava had worked for an hour to put herself together enough to look halfway hip. She pointed at Toni. “What about her?”
Toni lifted the department store plastic off her dress. “It’ll just take me a minute.”
“We’ve heard that before.” Rene strolled into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine.
“I’m serious. I don’t have to do my hair ‘cause it’s already done. Just give me five minutes.” She grinned. “Ten at the most.”
Ava ran the tips of her fingers through Toni’s hair. Toni was perfect from head to toe. “Your hair is cute. Did you get it cut?”
“Just got my ends trimmed,” Toni said.
Returning to the living area, Rene waved her hand at Ava. “Hey, don’t talk to her. You’ll stop her progress.”
“You’re right.” Ava turned toward Rene. “So you’re here on time? What gives?”
“Ha, ha, ha. I can barely hold in my laughter.” Rene moved over to the loveseat across from Ava.
“Just saying, that’s just so out of character.” Ava enjoyed calling her friend out.
“I rode with Toni. She was nice enough to pick me up.”
Ava widened her eyes. “Well, I guess we are all doing things out of character tonight.”
“Leave me out of it.” Toni fumbled with the dress tags.
Ava tried to cross her legs like Rene but gave up. The stress pulling on her thighs was too much. Maybe one day she’d win the battle, but for now, she’d have to sit like a boy. She chose comfort over appearance. “Why did Toni need to pick you up?”
“Don’t ask.” Rene leaned back.
“Too late. I already did.” Ava knew Ishmael, Rene’s fiancé, had to be involved some kind of way, but she didn’t want to speculate out loud.
Toni pulled her shirt over her head and slipped on the black form-fitting dress. Ava tried not to stare enviously. She sucked in her stomach. Glanced down. No change. She’d never have Toni’s abs and it wasn’t fair. She did sit-ups every night. Well, every other night when she remembered, but still no results.
Jumping in before Rene could answer, Toni said, “Girl, you know she let Ishmael use her car to handle his business.” She bent her index finger and middle finger on both hands to symbolize sarcastic quotation marks.
“So, not that it’s any of your business.” Rene returned the same gesture. “He went to see his son.”
Raising her eyebrows, Toni scowled. “You let your man of what, not even six months, take your car to go see his baby’s momma at her house?”
“His ba-by, not his baby’s momma. And it’s been nine months. We’ve been engaged for six, Ms. Know-it-all. Plus, he had Shanice drop Isaiah off at his mom’s house.”
“Do you really think he’d go through all that movin’ around when he can just slide on over there and kill two birds with one stone?” Toni slipped on her heels as she seemed to enjoy pushing the subject further.
Tapping her foot on the plush carpet, Rene glared at Toni. “Those are the words that came from his mouth.”
“And you believed him?” Toni looked in the mirror over Ava’s bar stools to fix any out-of-place hair.
“His car is in the shop.” Rene folded her arms. “Why shouldn’t I believe him?”
“I’ll leave that alone.” Toni scurried into Ava’s bedroom.
“Good.” Rene turned to Ava. “So, what’s up with Xavier? Is he still bugging you?”
Ava was glad the hassle between her friends finally came to an end. “Not since I hung up on him earlier. He actually wanted to make Valentine’s plans.”
“No he didn’t.” Rene rolled her neck. “What’d you say?”
“I said I hung up on him, didn’t I? I guess he doesn’t believe I’m for real this time. I thought he was the one, too. Well, I wanted him to be. But I finally realized if he really loved me like he said he did, he wouldn’t make me feel bad about myself all the time.” Ava sat her glass on the coffee table. The wine wasn’t helping her relax like she’d hoped.
Rene reached over and patted Ava’s leg. “Good for you for kicking him to the curb.”
“And it didn’t help that phone numbers popped up in his pants, jacket, gym bag. Basically, if it had a pocket, he hid a number in it.” Ava puffed out air, vibrating her lips. “I want a husband, but dang, is it that hard to find everything I want in a man I can trust?”
“To me it looks like he wanted to get caught. There is this new thing called a cell phone. He didn’t think to put the numbers in his phone?” Rene frowned.
“The bad part is he had two phones. Playa move if I ever saw one. I guess he thought since I used his phone sometimes to get on the internet, he’d better play it safe. But instead of safe, I see he was just sorry.”
Ava pictured Toni in her full-length mirror checking out how her new dress draped over her slim frame. Toni yelled from behind the door. “I really don’t know what to tell you guys, except all men are dogs and you can’t trust any of them. Get the good stuff when you need it and expect nothing more. Now that might not be a pretty answer, but it’s the truth.”
“Not all men are dogs, Toni.” Rene defended the opposite sex. “I found a good one.”
Toni stuck her head around the partially opened door to Ava’s bedroom. “Woof, woof!”
Ava bit her lip, but soon busted at the seams in laughter. Ishmael, at times, did resemble a pit bull.
Rene raised her voice. “There are some good men out there, Ava. Toni’s just upset with Eric. You know he called her today too.”
“He did? What did he have to say?” Ava picked up her glass from the coffee table and walked into the kitchen to set it on the counter.
“Not a dern thang.” Toni strutted out of the bedroom as if she were on the catwalk. “He wanted to come by and see me. Talk things over before I filed for divorce.”
“And your answer was?” Ava hoped for a no.
“Heck naw! All I can think about is him and that girl in my bed. I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my mind. Can’t trust him. So what’s the use?” Toni primped in front of the mirror. Again. “I needed this time apart to get my thoughts together and financial affairs in order before I filed.”
“I can understand that.” Ava straightened her clothes. Glad for the elastic in the waist, but the pants seemed to have shrunk in the legs and backside. Did I wash these in hot water? “Let me know if he ever decides to pop up over your house again without calling. We got your back.”
“Yeah, I know.” Toni offered an uncertain giggle.
“Sounds like he was singing the same song Xavier was. What is it with men? They don’t know they want to be with you until after they’ve messed up? Can’t they figure that out before?”
Toni folded the clothes she came in wearing and packed them in her bag. “You know the saying. You don’t truly love something ‘til it’s gone. Something like that.”
Ava eyed Toni’s dress, then Rene’s outfit, and decided she looked more like their mother. She should stay home. But they would be upset with her if she backed out now. Skinny wenches. They would never understand what it felt like to sit and watch the party going on, and not be a part of it. Men skimmed over Ava like bad fruit in the produce section. While Rene and Toni, ripe for the picking, were asked to dance, Ava kept an eye on their purses. Which was ironic, since Ava never carried a purse herself.
Rene’s size six frame fit into any piece of clothing she chose to wear. She dressed cool and sophisticated, and her confidence led her everywhere. From top of her class in high school to passing the B.A.R. exam the first time to becoming a State Prosecuting Attorney. And in between, men not only threw themselves at her feet, but kissed them while they were down there.
Ever since Toni was a little girl, people told her she should model. With her size two build, she posed for countless print magazines and glided down runways all over the country. No word could express the amount of self-confidence and poise that ran through Toni’s body. She commanded attention. And got it.
Ava, on the other hand, just wanted to get through the day without a stranger looking at her sideways. She saw Toni and Rene as movers and shakers while she viewed herself as someone who had a lot that moved and shook.
Ava silently hated on Toni’s look, but offered a compliment. “Toni, lookin’ good, chick. Whatcha tryin’ to do? Catch one of those so-called ‘dogs’ you were just talking about?”
“No. I’m just doing me. I’m not looking to catch but can’t help it if I do.”
Rene swallowed her last sip. “She talks a big game, but she knows she can’t wait to get a hold of another man’s good stuff now that she’s done with Eric.”
“Why y’all keep saying ‘good stuff’?” Ava lowered her brow.
“That’s Toni’s new phrase for some exceptionally decent loving.”
“Go ahead Toni, give me the full explanation.”
“Glad to.” Toni smiled. “It’s code for relations with a man so good to you, the first taste you get, you think you’re in love.”
“I don’t know about all that now.” Ava shook her head. “It just doesn’t get that good.”
“You know, the good stuff.” Toni nodded as her eyes fluttered. “Loving so perfectly amazing, it has you doing stuff you normally wouldn’t do.”
Ava’s curiosity stepped in. “Oh yeah, stuff like what?”
Toni, wearing a mischievous grin, fixed her eyes on Rene. “Like letting your man use your car to go to his baby’s momma’s house!”
After Ava and Toni saw Rene thought the punch-line was funny, their smirks grew into booming laughter. Toni always found a way to get her point across. And usually, some humor was involved.
Rene’s light, caramel-colored skin transformed into a flushed red. “His stuff is good. I give up, Toni. You win.”
When the laughter died down, Toni and Rene grabbed their purses. Ava watched her friends put their purse straps over their shoulders. Guess I’ll be babysitting you both at the table a little later. She stuffed her house key and ID in her pants’ pocket, and secured her cash in her 40DDs, and they paraded out the door.
As Toni drove down Loop 610, Ava couldn’t help herself. “So I guess Eric had the good stuff and then some? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, Toni, you were trippin’ behind that fool.”
Toni spoke with assurance. “Man, please, I was not trippin’.”
“Not trippin’?” Ava and Rene questioned simultaneously.
“How about the time you called me at four in the morning, might I add, on a work night?” Ava put her right hand up to her ear, using the pinky and thumb to simulate a phone. “Yelling, ‘this no-good-for-nothing-poor-excuse-of-a-man hasn’t made it home yet, Ava! He better be glad too, cause if he were here, I’d kill him!’ Had me on the other end of the phone trying to calm you down.” She turned her attention to Rene. “I wish you could’ve heard her, Rene.”
“I remember the story,” Rene proclaimed from the back seat. “And I remember she lost fifty cool points behind all that mess too. Come to find out, he’d passed out drunk at his sister’s house.”
“Okay, okay, you got me.” Toni raised her hands in surrender. “That’s a perfect example of what I mean by good stuff. But shoot, you would’ve done the same thing if you thought your man was laying up with some female. Who would have known a few months later it would take place in my own house? Isn’t it ironic?” She hummed a familiar tune. “Don’t you think?”
Hating she’d brought it up, Ava touched Toni’s shoulder. “You okay?”
“Yep, I’m cool.” Toni poked out her lips. “I just wish I’d read the extremely bright signs. Especially, the fact that he became very jealous, which he never was before. He was so concerned with my whereabouts and who I was with when he was the one off doing dirt.”
Ava nodded. “That’s usually how it happens.”
“I’m going to go ahead and file for the divorce Monday morning.” Toni sighed. “I can’t the sight of him.”
Rene leaned forward and stuck her head between Ava and Toni’s seats. “Let me know if you want my homegirl to handle it for you. She’ll get him for everything he owns.”
Ava tilted her head toward Toni. “You sure you wanna go out?”
“I’m driving, ain’t I? You couldn’t pay me to stay home tonight.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “You just beware of that good stuff that’ll get thrown your way, Ava because we don’t need you trippin’.”
The corners of Ava’s lips turned down. They weren’t putting that on her. “I don’t think it gets that serious. And earlier today I had a revelation. If I stop dealing with fools, I might find what I’m looking for. Or better yet, it might find me. So I decided to be celibate.”
“What?” This time, Toni and Rene questioned simultaneously.
“Y’all heard right, and don’t make fun of me either. I’m for real. I’m tired of falling for the same type of guys. The hit-it-and-quit-it brothas. I’ve fallen for them before, thinking I can change them. They end up changing me. Plus, you’re supposed to wait until you’re married. I’m going to wait for the right man.” Ava glanced out the window. “And I’d be willing to bet he’s not at Club Jams. Clubs are always filled with men who think they are God’s gift to women. So, I’m not looking for any good stuff. Just good music, good friends, and good drinks.”
“Okay, Ms. Thang. You just watch. You hadn’t been given any of that stuff that can make you go way left.” Rene sat back in her seat. “I remember when I first slept with Ishmael. I was up the next morning making him breakfast. Ready to help him find another job and everything so he could move on our side of town.”
They all giggled.
Toni stuck her finger out at Ava. “And when you do get some of that good stuff, you’ll be callin’ me at four in the morning.”
Ava’s neck moved with every word. She was the strongest of the three women. At least when it came to cutting a man off. “The devil is a lie. I don’t see myself acting crazy over any man.”
“Oh yeah? It happened to me.” Toni pointed her thumb backwards. “It’s happening to Rene. And you know how we like to do things together.”
“Nope. Not this chick.” Didn’t they know her track record? Ava was stronger than her friends.
“Never say what you won’t do.” Rene validated their point with a cliché.
“Sure enough, I didn’t think I’d be up before dawn investigating Eric’s whereabouts, looking like the spokeswoman from Hell the next morning. Bags all under my eyes. I called in sick and almost missed out on getting paid.” Toni pulled into the crowded parking lot. “Lucky for me, they were willing to reschedule. That was not my finest hour and I pray we don’t see drama like that again.”
Ava winked at Toni. “Amen to that.”
In her heart, Ava believed every word that shot out of her mouth. Being the fool behind a man wasn’t her style. She longed for the man of her dreams and desired to wait on him. And she trusted she would do just that.
But couldn’t be for certain.

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