Fade to White

By Tara Ross

Description:

Thea Fenton’s life looks picture-perfect, but inside, she is falling apart. Wracked by anxiety no one seems to understand or care about, she resorts to self-harm to deflect the pain inside.

When a local teen commits suicide, Thea’s anxiety skyrockets. Unexplainable things happen, leaving her feeling trapped within her own chaotic mind. The lines between reality and another world start to blur, and her previously mundane issues seem more daunting and insurmountable than ever.

Then she meets Khi, a mysterious new boy from the coffee shop who seems to know her better than she knows herself—and doesn’t think she’s crazy. His quiet confidence and unfounded familiarity draw her into an unconventional friendship.

Khi journeys with her through grief, fear, and confusion to arrive at compassion for the one person Thea never thought she could love.

A deeply transformational novel from an authentic new voice in Christian young adult fiction.

Book Takeaway:

FADE TO WHITE is a story that I needed to write for my own mental health, but I sincerely hope it provides more than personal catharsis. Maybe it will allow for laughter within the struggle. Maybe it will inspire someone to write down their own story. Maybe it will build compassion and empathy for mental illness. If nothing else, I pray it reminds someone they are not alone and that there is hope within their brokenness.

Awards:

Why the author wrote this book:

FADE TO WHITE is a story that I needed to write for my own mental health. Five years ago, when I began typing out a scattered mess of words, I used my own experiences with anxiety as a starting point. For months, I couldn’t leave home without a constricted heart, unsettled stomach and a duffle bag full of emergency supplies in the event of an impending natural disaster. Writing within the confines of my less fearful home seemed like a good alternative. It was safe. It made sense. Until, it didn’t.

In my opinion, you can’t get rid of mental illness by pretending it doesn’t exist. It doesn’t go away with a round of medicine and a day in bed. It ebbs and flows, and never really disappears. That doesn’t mean you can’t improve. Like most physical illnesses, you need to address the underlying causes if you want to really heal. I only realized this after much coercion from loved ones. I tackled my anxiety with a holistic mindset. I consider my biological state in partnership with my doctor. I attended group counseling for the cracked porcelain state of my headspace, and I surrounded myself with friends who didn’t require explanations or put out their own DIY solutions. It helped.
But there was still something deeper that wasn’t being addressed.

I was afraid of everything – from being T-boned on the road, to having my pimple called out by the coffee shop barista. I was beyond irrational, but if you hinted at my crazy, I’d guilt you into recanting your claims through tears. I was a wreck. I wasn’t healing even with all the bio-psycho-social factors considered. Then one night, while journaling I had quiet a moment of clarity. It was a simple truth that I’d known since I was a teenager but had forgotten. Most, if not all, of my fears, were lies.

This is where faith came into my healing and why, for me, it needed to be a part of FADE TO WHITE and Thea’s story.

As a character, Thea shares only a few of my life experiences, but many of my ebbs and flows. She is not based on one person, but rather she encompasses a radiant group of young people I have journeyed with over the past ten years. The actual details of Thea’s life are fictional, but the emotional highs and lows are real. Her story tackles heavy themes on purpose. Life is never perfect and we are not expected to be perfect within it. Sometimes as Christians, we forget this truth.

FADE TO WHITE is a story that I needed to write for my own mental health, but I sincerely hope it provides more than personal catharsis. Maybe it will allow for laughter within the struggle. Maybe it will inspire someone to write down their own story. Maybe it will build compassion and empathy for mental illness. If nothing else, I pray it reminds someone they are not alone and that there is hope within their brokenness.